The Sunday News
THE more time you spend with a guy who does not want the type of relationship you seek, the less time you are available for meeting a man who shares your desire for commitment and wants to be with you outside the sheets. I totally understand that as women we love to talk about independence and all that although at times I feel we take it a bit too far and stretch it. This week we were talking about the no-strings attached relationships but for me no matter how it is decorated I feel this is just a way of opening your legs to someone who is not willing to settle or be with you and for me I would rather glue my legs together than agree to such.
Youngsters believe in no-strings and no-emotions attached relationship with only sex as the important part of their relationship today. Gone are the days when a guy and girl came together because they were interested in a relationship or wanted to be friends!
With relationships breaking up more often, guys and girls develop friendship with ‘‘benefits’’. I remember watching a movie “Friends with Benefits’’ recently on this new age friendship and I just could not understand why such arrangements are glorified. It seems life is not really like they show in the movies anymore.
Real love and a committed relationship are now seen as a baggage full of trials and tribulations and people are always trying to find a convenient way out! In real life, however, guys approach girls these days for a relationship that spells friendship, which involves casual sex but a clause that states the relationship should be free from any emotions or attachment while they exclusively date each other.
Since sex is a biological need people feel that when emotions get involved with sex, it gets complicated, there is the fear of heartbreak, tears, and the challenge to get over a bad relationship. When the relationship does not have such baggage, it is easy to break up!
In the wake of the sexual revolution, at least a third of young people today have had a “friend with benefits” — sex without commitment. Many people become “friends with benefits” to avoid drama and to have sex without getting tied up in emotions, but the reality is that having a friend with benefits often becomes complicated.
However, the undefined set-up is a minefield of emotional confusion that most people reluctantly endure in a quest to find love. I think men are more likely to have tried it than women, but contrary to the stereotype of men as unemotional Casanovas, and women as love-obsessed tyrants, most women prefer the arrangement and I do not know why.
I think casual sex may seem like a contradiction in my terms, really how can anyone stay laid-back about such an intimate act? Even so, a no-strings-attached fling (or “booty call” as some call it) is exactly the situation some people find themselves in at certain points in their life.
If the opportunity presents itself, should you go for it? What’s the best way to handle it without risking heartbreak? “It would be silly to think that casual sex has no repercussions because this is going to impact on you somehow. If a guy is really into you, he will not ask for a no strings attached relationship, instead he will commit no matter what is going on in his life.
If he tells you he is not looking for a commitment believe him! Stop hoping he will change his mind once he realises how wonderful you are in bed. You definitely should not bend over backwards, compromise or try to make him like you more yet he is making you a mere booty call.
I know it’s hard to detach yourself from a guy you really like, but it’s far easier when you have not invested a ton of time and effort into a connection that’s going nowhere that will only be ignited under the sheets. Never talk yourself into remaining with him because he “seems” like a good catch, it is best that you leave this relationship now and free your energy up to meet a guy who genuinely wants what you want; a steady and healthy relationship that is going somewhere.
These no-strings-attached relationships are not healthy because I think in most cases in this arrangement one person will be in love with the other and hides their true feelings, or falls in love during the relationship, potentially leading to feelings of jealousy and betrayal.
Some people are not bothered because they feel they are safe since they use protection but protection from STDs and unwanted pregnancy should not be your only concern. Since sex and emotional intimacy can easily get tangled, make sure both you and your partner are clear on your expectations. I have been asked to focus on a lot of things and I promised to arrange and address some issues so next week we will be discussing husbands. What is a husband?
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