The Sunday News
Love, Sex & Money
“I JUST found out over the past month my husband and a very close friend have been having a texting sexual relationship. I assume it has been going on for a while now. My husband has apologised and told me it started off as a joke but went too far, but really aunty how can sexting be defined as a joke, he even refuses to acknowledge that he has been cheating.
I usually go to bed early because I am a working woman and I do not have a maid so most of the time I am tired, but I always make an effort to please my husband in bed but of late I noticed he comes to bed, gives me his back and snores away.
I noticed that my husband can be in bed but will be sitting on the edge of the bed holding his phone and next thing he can stand up and head to the bathroom to clean himself up then join me in bed and just falls asleep when I will be waiting for him to come to bed so we can make love.
I became worried one day when I noticed the spot he was sitting on was wet. I pretended to be sleeping and waited for him to sleep and I took his phone and yes I was right he was sexting my ‘friend’. I could not stomach the images and messages I saw on his phone.”
This is a rather disturbing e-mail I received from one lady, who complained to me about her husband’s newly found hobby – sexting. She described to me, in full detail of how her husband had become hooked on sexting, while depriving his wife of the pleasures of marriage.
Technology has made it easy to stay in touch (literally!) with the one you love or lust for.
While having romantic moments online or by cellphone is often associated with young adults and teens, couples of all ages can enhance their relationship and encourage a flow in heated passion by getting creative and moving intimacy beyond bedroom walls with dirty texting.
If you are in a long distance relationship or your partner or spouse travels frequently, sexting may be your primary way to remain intimate.
A dirty text can also be a great way to set the mood for a night ahead with a partner you live with and get to see everyday.
But you have got to be smart and make sure it is only your spouse you are sexting, there are far too many ways sexting can go wrong, leaving you embarrassed and scrambling to repair the damage done to your relationship or personal history.
Sexting has a rather raunchy reputation because the best sexts are like great foreplay, they are spicy but still leave a little to the imagination.
Issues of sexting have over the past few months if not years made headlines, through beauty queens, political figures, athletes or just random celebrities caught up in love triangles.
You have probably at some point read about issues related to sexting, where famous people are caught up in love affairs that somehow turn nasty.
I believe this should be an example to the rest of the world, as this just goes to show why it is wise to think through sexting before actually doing it.
After all, isn’t sending out sexy photos just asking to be caught? Sexting has gotten a bad rap because so many people have gotten caught sending embarrassing provocative and sexually charged text messages to people other than their spouses.
But sexting your spouse, as a means of spicing up your sex life and freshening up your marriage can be fun and beneficial.
The point is to use sexting for good rather than evil. There are ways to keep sexting pleasurable and prevent it from embarrassing either you or your spouse. The first step, of course, is sexting only with your husband or wife.
We used to define cheating as having sex with a person other than your spouse. Now we have to expand that given the various ways we connect with others and actually have sex with them.
Sexting constitutes infidelity in a marriage because you do not have to be in physical contact for you to commit the act of sex.
If a partner is sending sexy texts, e-mails, or photos to another person it is an indication of infidelity, it is the same as being caught in bed with another partner. Cheating is breaking the rules, being sexually unfaithful in the context of marriage. In a committed relationship or marriage (and we will use marriage for simplicity’s sake) two people make a vow to each other.
“Thou shalt not cheat” is the unwritten rule. When two people are investing in a marriage, there should not be room for sexting or heavy flirting with others. A committed partner typically is not interested in connecting sexually or romantically outside of that relationship, unless they are part of a polygamous relationship or an open marriage, accepted and understood by their partner whom I doubt can ever exist, then it’s a whole different story but for as long as you took vows then sexting with other people is a complete NO!
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