The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
My husband has a very big penis and each time we have sex it will be painful. What can I do to stop the pain?
Contrary to the popular belief that “bigger is better”, vaginal intercourse with a particularly well-endowed man can present challenges.
The great thing about being intimate with someone else, though, is that there are endless amounts of ways to get down and dirty. You and your man will just need to take some time to communicate and get creative. If you do that, you are sure to stumble across a few (or a bunch) of mutually satisfying solutions.
Make note of these four words: arousal, lubrication, position, and technique. Regardless of penis size, sensual touching is essential before penetration as it allows enough time for arousal as well as vaginal lubrication.
Have you ever heard of vaginal tenting? It’s a (pretty cool) process that occurs during sexual arousal where muscular tension pulls the uterus upward, which can create more length and width in the vagina.
The average vagina is about 3-4 inches in length, but can reach 5-6 inches in length as a result of vaginal tenting.
Spending more time on foreplay can build your arousal prior to penetration, and allow your vagina more time for tenting.
Adding some water-based lube to your sex play may also make sex more pleasurable and less painful. The sex discomfort may be due to the head of his penis hitting your cervix.
Different sexual positions could help reduce pain and increase your pleasure, such as those that allow you to have control over penetration and movement (for example being on top).
Some people feel more comfortable with partial insertion during sex.
The un-enveloped part of the penis, as well as the scrotum, can be stimulated with fingers or hands. As you experiment and play, tell one another how you feel, what is uncomfortable, and what feels good. This doesn’t need to mean carrying out a full conversation while having sex; simple words — like “deeper” or “not so deep,” “gently” or “harder,” “faster” or “slower” — usually are enough to get the point across and make sex more satisfying for both of you.
Hi Sis Noe
When is the right time to put on a condom?
A condom should be put on after the penis is erect and before it makes any oral, vaginal contact with a partner — other than this stipulation, there is no right or wrong time to put on a condom.
To maximise safer sex with condoms, each time you have sex, always put a new condom on an erect penis before there is any genital contact.
If intercourse begins without a condom, pulling out and putting on a condom before ejaculation may not protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs) or pregnancy, since there may be bacterial and viral content, and possibly sperm in pre-ejaculate semen (pre cum).
Instead, a condom could be put on in the opening act of foreplay, rather than waiting until it’s time for penetration.
Having extra condoms around, in case a condom is put on too soon or you lose your erection, is also a good move. Just be sure that some space is left at the tip and the condom is always rolled all the way down to the base of the penis.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for some time but I want to break up with him because it’s not working. But I don’t know how to end it.
It’s best to recognise and deal with your relationship problems now, rather than letting them linger for too long when they can become harder to handle. In a situation such as this, it is important to remember that kindness and respect are what count. Of course, you have options.
You can let him know over the phone, through Facebook or WhatsApp, or you can see him one last time. If you choose to meet, a quiet place shows care, and allows for fewer interruptions or opportunities for humiliation (or even a dramatic scene).
In the end, you simply have to tell him what you mentioned in your question: “It’s just not working”. You don’t have to blame him, and you don’t have to justify yourself. Keep your message short and clear.
You may be doing him a favour by breaking up — that is, saving him from wasting any more time or energy in an unsatisfying relationship that is just not working. Thinking on the bright side, you are even giving him the possibility of meeting someone new. And as you give him this option, you also give it to yourself. After the break up, it might be helpful to spend some time with friends, whether old or new.
Hi Sis Noe
I broke up with my boyfriend a month ago and I was wondering if it is too early to move on? Is it ok for me to date someone when I am not yet over my ex? I didn’t get closure when my ex dumped me, should I ask him for closure? Is it possible for me to ignore my feelings of being abused emotionally?
After a significant relationship has ended in a non-mutually manner, the partner who has been dumped often wonders about similar issues to yours. Dealing with these issues and feelings are the next steps that need to be taken.
Through some personal exploration, you will learn the best choices to help you move on. You were with your boyfriend for two-and-a-half years, which allowed you to develop and foster a relationship in which you got to know and care for him.
It’s natural for you not to be over him right now, as it’s been only about one month since the break-up. Not enough time may have passed for you to get over him . . . yet. You are grieving the loss of your relationship and may still need more time to mourn. Wouldn’t it be great if there were quick cures to the break-up blues? Unfortunately, there are no simple remedies, and at times, uncomfortable feelings also come along for the ride.
Regardless, some people may put a lot of blind faith into certain defined break-up rules in the hopes that they will feel better and move on soon. Moving on itself has no clear-cut rules, and can often be a difficult process. It appears that you still have some unresolved feelings (your feelings of being used and abused emotionally) regarding your ex and the break-up.
Although you may not get an explanation or apology from him, what is important is that you take as much time as you need to explore your own feelings of loss, sadness, anger, hurt, confusion, depression, or anything else that you may be feeling. Hounding him for an answer may not be the best thing to do, as he may not give you the answer you are looking for, or it could cause more fighting or angst. You ask, can I just move on? Absolutely, continue doing the things that you enjoy.
Chances are that eventually you’ll meet others with whom you share similar interests. Some of these new interactions could lead to potential dates, too.