The Sunday News
Day by day Ekasi with Clifford Kalibo
Besides the four above mentioned guzzlers, we also have heavy drinkers also known as “German Tankers”. These include people like Bra Davie Imboyera, Lubasi, Giba and Amos Manyowa.
Some people are born great liars and these liars often perfect their lying skills so much such that they achieve greatness in lying. I can single out a few great liars in Sizinda. The late Fanuel or “Fanafa Skilliz” as he was popularly known and Khabhi.
Fanafa Skilliz, slender, with a small round head and quick darting eyes always had a “juicy story” to tell to us the patrons who frequented Sizinda Bottle Store. One afternoon, I and my friends the likes of Alfred (Tsano), Davie, Mike, Manzini, Fight and Kulube were enjoying cold wise waters by the Bottle Store and we saw Skilliz approaching and he was limping painfully. Upon approaching us I asked him, “Kanti sibare how far unyawo?” He replied, “Eeish sbare izolo asikutshaya inqindi enzima etoni, ngitshaye okungotsotsi okuyi ten” (I was involved in a heavy fist fight last night in town. I beat up ten thugs).
You should have seen Skilliz as he narrated to us and demonstrated how he had fought the ten thugs. The story was that upon leaving Palace Hotel Gardens he had been accosted by ten thugs who intended to mug and rob him. One wonders how he had managed to count the ten. Because in such a situation you don’t have that time of counting the number of your enemies.
He went on to tell us how he had performed Jackie Chan style somersaults and had meted out deadly flying kicks and roundhouse punches to the thugs. Eventually all the thugs were lying on the ground writhing and groaning in pain and pleading for Fanafa’s mercy. It was Skilliz lying at his best on that day.
Well, we were diplomatic enough not to challenge his stories as we enjoyed those fictitious stories of his. Skilliz was the hero of the day who had single-handedly mercilessly beaten ten thugs!!! Now you are going to love this. As we continued guzzling the wise waters and getting tipsy, we noticed something. Fanafa Skilliz was no longer limping. That painful limp which he had only a few hours ago had, seemingly vanished into thin air! He was now walking in that fast and springy gait of his.
One of my friends, Davie, asked him, “Kanti Fa unyawo solupholile?” (Is your leg now healed?). Fanafa Skilliz retorted in surprise, “Unyawo luphi, kanti ukhuluma ngani?” He was reminded that he was limping as a result of last night’s fist fight. Surprisingly he seemed not to remember the fight.
But after doing some quick calculations in his head he quickly responded, “Oh by the way, yes, besengikhohliwe ukuthi unyawo lubuhlungu” and he started to limp again! What a great and skilled liar he was. We miss him. May his dear soul rest in peace.
Also to be found in Sizinda is another popular story teller, Khabhi. Khabhi is a born great story teller and has over the years achieved great skills. Khabhi is capable of saying anything about almost anything. For instance, for the past fifteen years or so he has been telling us, his drinking mates that he owns a big and beautiful house in Nketa. A “splendid mansion” in his own words.
But to our surprise he still stays in Sizinda and neither has anyone ever seen or heard of him visiting his mansion. It so happened one afternoon I was at our usual hangout at Sizinda Bottle Store with my friends, Khabhi included. A friend of ours, Maju who drives a pick up asked us to come with him to Nketa where he was to drop off a parcel at his sister’s house. We all jumped into the pick up truck.
Now you are going to love what transpired next. After delivering the parcel Maju told Khabhi that since we were in Nketa we might as well all go and have a look at his mansion. Khabhi instantly froze and began to sweat profusely.
He managed to whisper in a stammer, “Yikuthi angiyazi kahle kahle ukuthi ingaphi indlu yami, ngizabuza ubuilder angilayele (I don’t know exactly where my house is situated I will have to ask my builder to give me directions)”. We drove back to Sizinda in silence.
Till we meet again next Sunday for yet a more exciting episode of “Day by Day Ekasi”. Enjoy the rest of your weekend.
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