The cat and mouse drinking game eKasi

19 Dec, 2021 - 00:12 0 Views

The Sunday News

Clifford Kalibo
“Amapoti amapoti “ “Nanzi njema sokuyilahla !!”

Those are the shrill screams and cries as the shebeen patrons warn each other of the arrival of the police raid team at a shebeen.

There is pandemonium and a stampede as the patrons dash for safety. The more agile ones will scale the durallwall or perimeter fence and escape the tentacles of the law enforcement agents.

Others will rush into the shebeen queen’s bedroom and jump into the bed and cover themselves with a blanket and pretend to be snoring and in a heavy sleep, while others will try and squeeze under the bed.

The more intoxicated ones will just remain seated on the sofas waiting to be netted like kapenta fish.

While this is going on the shebeen queen is not idle either. In less than the flash of an eye, she, with the able assistance of her waitresses would have hidden many crates of beer and left only a few “ezokulahlisa” in the fridge.

The volume of the radio is quickly lowered.

When the police finally enter the house there is a calm and serene atmosphere in the house. On being questioned why beer is being sold, the cunning and shrewd shebeen queen will say that no beer is being sold, but she has been celebrating her grandchild’s birthday. “Besile birthday party yomzukulu, aliboni efrijini kulama beer amalutshwane nje.”

But that story is just too smooth and just too good to be true.

Not buying that story, the cops will insist into looking into all the rooms. That is when all hell breaks loose.

I was once caught up in such a scenario with my friends at NaMbijana’s drinking spot at Sizinda Flats. The cops entered the bedroom, and uncovered the blanket, and lo and behold, the cops found nearly seven or eight of us guys sleeping on the bed, and fully clothed and putting on shoes.

Now the funnier part of it came when the cops flushed out the guys who had tried to squeeze under the bed.
Most of the guys had hidden their heads only and the rest of the bodies  protruding out. As you can imagine we were taken to Nkulumane Police Station where we paid admission of guilt fines and released.

Imbibers have a stubborn habit of not retiring to bed easily, especially more so when the pockets are still full of gold and silver. There is also that inbred habit of always wanting to play cat and mouse with the police raid teams.

So again, it was the eight of us who had been unceremoniously removed from bed, who after paying a fine at Nkulumane Police Station, and on our way home to Sizinda, we decided to pass by another drinking hole, koMaSiwela in Tshabalala.

“Asingeneni sitshayeni one one for the road.” So we entered MaSiwela’s drinking hole. MaSiwela’s drinking spot was a highly selective one as she catered only for the elderly and mature guys. No music was ever played in that shebeen.

It was more of a conservative spot like Plaza Hotel during the 1980s.

The beer was cold as usual and we took long and hard gulps from our bottles trying to quench our airlock.

We were laughing and joking about how we were flushed out of bed koNaMbijana. No sooner had we ordered a second round of beers than the alarm of raiding police was sounded by the more alert patrons.

“Inkamba inkamba madoda” “Amapoti asethelekekile”. We had no chance of escaping yet again.

My friends and I e left with no choice but to rush into MaSiwela’s bedroom and jump into her bed and cover ourselves with a blanket.

We could hear MaSiwela talking to the policemen, as we pretended to snore heavily.
MaSiwela, being the old and seasoned shebeen queen she was, managed to reason with the cops and calmly talk her way out.

As the cops prepared to leave, to our horror, one of the cops insisted in checking in the bedroom. For the second time that night, the same cop found the eight of us in yet another bed.

On recognising us the cop burst out laughing and called his colleagues.

Once again, we were taken to Nkulumane Poice Station where we paid deposit fines and were released.

This time we proceeded straight to Sizinda as were now afraid of being caught for the third time.

Those who consume the wise waters will no doubt agree with me that the wise waters induce in you a sense of courage and boldness. All that fear of being caught again quickly evaporated as we passed by NaMbijana’s house.

We could hear NaMbijana’s stereo playing the song “Tozeza baba, tozeza baba . . . imi baba manyanya kurova amai”, by the super star, Oliver Mtukudzi.

We then decided to enter koNaMbijana and have one quick quart each before going home.

Instead of one quart, I remember drinking six quarts and I lost count at my tenth quart, and I don’t remember if we hid in the bedroom again.

All I remember is the nice cold quarts going down smoothly till I blacked out.

This is a true episode that the writer experienced on one Saturday.

Till we meet again next Sunday. Enjoy reading.
Feedback: Clifford Kalibo 0783856228 / 0719856228 email: [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>

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