The Sunday News
THE dictionary defines heartbreak as “crushing grief, anguish, or distress.” In today’s world, the term brokenhearted usually describes someone who has suffered a failed relationship or loss of a loved one. Whatever the cause, the pain of a broken heart can be enormous and dealing with it can be very draining. When faced with such people naturally our advice may include taking an anti-depressant, writing an angry letter and tearing it up or burning it up, going on a shopping spree, getting a makeover and all those things.
Some would advocate the power of positive thinking and the most common cure time that most people love to suggest as a healer and I hate to hear it. Unfortunately, many people have lost their jobs over the past few years.
Companies have shut down and people have been retrenched and most of the people were not prepared for unemployment. While every industry is different, all industries have felt the pain and there is a knock-on impact on many lives caused by job loss. Many people find themselves out of work and the difficulty of finding a new job is challenging to say the least.
Losing your job is incredibly stressful because in most cases our jobs partly define who we are and the means by which we live. Until recently, when someone mentioned heartbreak, I automatically thought of a relationship gone bad. It seems a broken heart may be brought on by countless causes such as disappointment in a child’s lifestyle, loss of possession, loss of job and all. Our jobs are much more than just the way we make a living. They influence how we see ourselves, as well as the way others see us. Our jobs give us structure, purpose, and meaning. That’s why job loss and unemployment is one of the most stressful things you can experience. This week our Hearts ON Fire is about a man who lost his job and could not bear the pain of not being able to provide for his family and had the worst Christmas ever last year so I will let him tell the story in his own words:
People always say “When one door closes, another opens,” but I have not seen any door opening in my life after I lost my job, I have been hopeful of getting another job and I am still hopeful. No one prepares men for the reality of fatherhood, a father’s role is to hold his partner’s hand and provide for his family and this has always been my wish.
This last Christmas was the most difficult time of my life as I watched my children spend it in misery. Like every other child my family was looking forward to the Christmas holidays, the new clothes and fancy food that comes with the celebrations and the children had made their requests known and they looked forward to getting their wish list.
Unfortunately for my family I failed them, my children did not have any new clothes and my wife could not do much as she has to pay for our rent and put food on the table with the little she earns and my heart sank because I feel useless as I have failed to provide for my family.
You see, if you cannot pay your rent and if you cannot feed your family, suddenly other issues become a whole lot less important and I let Christmas slip through my fingers without much done because I had a lot to deal with and no money in my wallet. Not being able to provide is horrible and makes you feel inadequate in every way when you cannot support your family. I am close to losing my family and I am frustrated that there is nowhere to turn and can you imagine having to move your wife and kids into your mother-in-law’s house because after paying rentals my wife is left with nothing and cannot even commute to work. I have struggled with the thought for a very long time but given my circumstances it might be the best way out of my situation as I cannot continue to live like this. It pains me that I am going to miss out on the daily activities in my children’s life and this may cause problems in my marriage but until I can pay for my rent I think this is the best solution for now.
Being unemployed is truly the most difficult thing I have ever had to live through. I have worked since I was young and right now I have been unemployed for over 11 months. I have applied to every job I am qualified for, joined all the social networks, and tried to use my contacts to get a job but I have failed. I feel useless sitting at home not being able to work and support my family. My wife is working but still we cannot make ends meet because surviving on one salary is not enough for any household.
I used to love life and my job now I feel worthless and can offer my children nothing to help them out as well. Things did not have to turn out this way, but this is the hand that we have been dealt with as our economy is faced with hardships. To devote my entire life in a job, my job was my life, I loved and enjoyed it very much. After getting home, I would eat dinner, prepare my work for the following day, and sleep at 10pm, to wake up at 6am the following day. Things changed as the company started to downsize but still I kept at it and took in the new responsibilities and did not complain because I understood this had to be done. Little did I know that I would one day wake up without a job to go to. I also began to notice that lots of things that never had been my job before were suddenly added to my list of responsibilities. A silly example, but very time consuming, was janitorial work because due to limited resources and constant budget cuts, I now had to devote my time to things like cleaning my office and helping out with cooking duties in the staff kitchen.
In all this I still loved my job and continued to work though deep down I was not happy with working in the kitchen at lunch hour. I am glad though that all this working in the kitchen prepared me for the job I have had to take up in my own house with my wife being the breadwinner. Losing my job has made me lose out on a lot of things too because I cannot hang out with my friends as I cannot afford to buy a drink let alone spend time out of the house as I have to do the house chores to help my wife. I feel lot less of a man because I have failed to provide for my family, a duty that goes without saying. My heart breaks each time I hear my eldest son blast Nathi’s Buyelekhaya because subconsciously I feel he does not understand why I am not bringing money home and why the mother has to be the one to wake up and go to work. I have spent too much time judging myself and I hate having to explain to my children my situation because my job is to provide for them and not to explain to them.
Till next week, If your heart is on fire and you want to share your story email [email protected]
