The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I HAVE been having unprotected sex with two men that I love. I know that they are both HIV-negative, the problem is that I got pregnant and I have since given birth to a baby boy but I don’t know who the father is. The baby is still too young to resemble any one of them. I know it was wrong to do so but both of them are helpful financially. I am so stressed. — Stressed.
Reply
What a mess. I hope all the women who have read your letter and are having more than one sexual partner and getting money from men will realise that the day of reckoning will come. Your love for money has compelled you to have unprotected sex, but now that you have a young baby, you do not know who the biological father of this child is. I just wonder how much money these men give to you for you to throw caution out of the window.
Whether it is a small or large amount of money, you should not have had unprotected sex. I am sure you have heard over and over again that it is unwise to do so. Well, you are worrying now, but a DNA test can help you to know who the biological father is. So, find that out. Do the tests as early as possible. From reading your letter, I realise that both of these men support you well. If you have made a mistake in giving the child the wrong name, get that corrected. Do not allow the child to grow up using the wrong name. It will affect the child for life and you would have to carry that guilt forever.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in a relationship with two men. One is the father of my son and the other is my workmate, who I am very much in love with. We have problems now and then with my baby’s father but that is never the issue with my workmate. The sex is mind-blowing but the problem is that he has two girlfriends. — Worried.
Reply
I have observed that you have not said that you are in love with your son’s father — you give the impression that you are stuck in the relationship because of your son. On the other hand, you state that you are in love with your workmate and the sex is so good that it has caused you to be very happy with him. Although you share a son with the other man, you are not in love with him. What is bothering you is that your workmate is having affairs with two other women apart from you. Am I mistaken to conclude that you are still with him because the sex is so good? Can you see yourself having a future with him? How long will the good sex last? Would he stay with you because of sex? Have you considered taking steps to strengthen the relationship that you are having with your child’s father? Frankly, I think that is what you should do.
I know it is very difficult to have a good relationship if you are not in love, but I believe that your relationship with your child’s father can improve if you take steps to strengthen the relationship with him, and if you cease having sex with your workmate. Have you ever discussed marriage with either of these men? Perhaps you should ask them if they are willing to marry you and see how they will react. In spite of the fact that your workmate gives you great sex, you are only one of his women and I doubt that he will marry you. I really can’t encourage you to continue having a sexual relationship with him. Therefore, I suggest that you bring it to an end. I will be glad to hear from you again.
Hi Sis Noe
I am having an affair with my husband’s best friend because my husband is neglecting my sexual needs. I know it’s wrong and I feel guilty but I can’t stop because he is very good. The other problem is that I am friends with the man’s wife. I don’t know what to do. — Confussed.
Reply
You like to have sex. You enjoy it. But doing it with another man is a route to destruction, so end the affair immediately. If you don’t, your husband may find out that you are cheating, and he will not forgive you, and it might be the end of the marriage. I won’t say more.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a 16-year-old boy and my mother does not work, but she always goes out at night and comes in the morning with groceries and sleeps all day. Some relatives have said she is a prostitute and I am beginning to believe it. Should I ask her? — Worried.
Reply
There are things that you have written that I have deleted — sorry I just cannot print them. However, I would like to encourage you to keep close to your relatives. I believe they have your best interest at heart and they would give you the proper guidance. Do not condemn or be disrespectful to your mother. Whatever she does, she is still your mother. You might not like what she is doing, but as you grow older, she may explain everything to you. I wish you well.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband does not want me to grow hair on my privates. When I have hair he does not have sex with me so I am forced to be always be shaven. He even volunteers to shave me. At times I just want to have a little hair. — Help.
Reply
If your husband and you love each other you then should learn to compromise and not allow little things to destroy your marriage. He wants you to be shaven, perhaps for hygienic reasons. You have been reluctant in pleasing him in that way and perhaps that is the reason why he has offered to do it for you. Why should two grown persons make this a big issue? Both of you should learn to respect each other and talk things over.
