The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM a 17-year-old girl, the problem is that my parents are overly strict. I am not allowed to wear trousers, miniskirts, make-up or earrings. I am also not allowed to have a boyfriend or go to parties. Basically, I am fed up with life. Help me before I kill myself. — Frustrated.
Reply
In other words what you are telling me that you have no control over your life — your parents are literally living it for you. You definitely are not alone in feeling like your parents’ rules are too strict. As a teen approaching adulthood, you are becoming your own person but you are still dependent on the rules and structure of your parents. I believe that you are clashing with your parents because of cultural and generational differences and between you and them. Your parents’ culture or religious beliefs adhere to different dress standards, gender roles and age-based expectations than the cultures that you are exposed to in school. And their values were shaped at a different time from yours. These vast differences make it seem like they will never come around and see things from your point of view, a little patience and persistence in communicating with them can go a long way. How can you make them relax the rules? You can talk to them but if they are unmoved you will have to live with that. They are your parents and you must obey them always. You must never rebel against their rules. If they do not want you to do something then don’t do it, after all you are still living in their house and they are the ones who buy the clothes. But if you believe that you can make them see things in your perspective by all means try to talk to them. You will need to ask them to set aside time to talk with you about certain rules. You should do this before you make plans that go against their rules. Ask for a time to talk that is not motivated by a specific upcoming party for instance. If they seem reluctant to grant such time, let them know how important it is to you to have a frank and respectful discussion about your choices. Asking for this at a time when there is no critical decision to be made (like permission to attend an upcoming party, for example) may demonstrate your forethought and make the stakes seem not as high. Approach the conversation calmly and maturely. How you handle their decisions may be interpreted by your parents as a sign of your maturity. Focus on trying to change the things that matter the most to you first. Sometimes, parents can feel like teens are unhappy with all restrictions. Find ways of letting them know you can live with many of their rules, but there are some that feel really restrictive or unfair. If they are open to hearing it, let them know how you are impacted by these rules, how it makes you feel. Explaining the impact on you and why it has that impact, in addition to proposing a potential solution could be one way to open up the issue for discussion. Hopefully, as you continue to mature, the restrictions will ease up. And with a little initiation of conversations from you, perhaps that process can be sped up.
Hi Sis Noe
My parents don’t approve of my new girlfriend, because she is coloured. They keep telling me I shouldn’t mingle with such people and so forth. She is an awesome girl, I am so happy with her, she makes me feel amazing. I don’t want to give her up. Should I still see her or am I making a mistake? — Worried.
Reply
Your parents are wrong; don’t ever let them convince you otherwise. Never make such decisions to satisfy others, parents included. If this girl makes you feel like a Rock star, rock on. What have the discussions with your parents entailed? Are they simply emotionally charged debates and screaming matches; or have you honestly had a mature discussion highlighting the values and positive attributes of your girlfriend? You need to determine what their negative perceptions are before you make a decision. To me it sounds like a childish demonstration of class elitism, in which case you need to highlight educational, financial or other equally moronic status symbols your girlfriend may possess. While you don’t care about all you need to get your girlfriend closer to your parents so that they realise she is not some classless peasant, but in fact a pleasant person who makes you happy. The incredible part of all this, is that your parent’s opinion of your girlfriend most likely stems from insecurities and concerns of their own status in society. It’s deflecting criticism from themselves to others. And since they are so concerned about the subject of class themselves, they are over sensitised to it in others. Your relationship with your girlfriend will teach them that the time of discriminating against classes is no more.
His Sis Noe
I am aged 25 and not feeling well, my stomach aches when I sleep with my husband. Please help. — Worried.
Reply
There should not be pain so there is something causing it. One possibility is an infection — several kinds of infections are common in the vagina. You can also get this symptom with something called pelvic inflammatory disease (PID). Another possibility would be something like a fibroid. You should get checked by a doctor. You need a simple vaginal examination plus swabs to be sent to a lab in the first instance. The results will then indicate the treatment. If it all turns out to be normal then it might be related to the shape and position of your uterus so if you find other positions are more comfortable then you should stick to those. If these pains happen before ovulation then you need not worry because at that time your ovaries will be slightly tender. Having sex may jostle them, causing sharp pain. Deep thrusting may also cause pain if you suffer from mittel-schmerz (a condition characterised by mild cramps around ovulation). The solution is to try moving your legs closer together during sex to keep him from going in too far.
Hi Sis Noe
I have a girlfriend and sex with her is great. But I also have a habit of masturbating, the other day I was masturbating and I ejaculated semen with blood. I am worried. Please help me Sis Noe. — Worried.
Reply
Blood in the semen is known as hematospermia. This condition is common, and in younger men, it’s not usually a sign of a serious problem. Hematospermia has many potential causes, the most common of which is inflammation of the seminal vesicles (the small glands that produce most of the fluid in semen). Other possible explanations may include inflammation or lesions in other parts of the reproductive system such as the prostate, urethra and testicles. Hematospermia will usually disappear without medication, but it’s a good idea to get checked. It’s important to get examined if you keep noticing blood for more than 10 ejaculations or two months, or if you are over 40 years of age. These factors might indicate a more serious cause like a systemic infection or, for older men, cancer.
