The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
IT’S very hard to admit that your partner is cheating on you and thus you find many people comforting themselves with lies and convincing themselves that their partners will never ever have an affair with someone else.
As heartless as it may sound, I always question the few that I have met saying, “Why are you saying she/ he cannot have a thing with someone else if he managed to have it with you. The only person who can utter such words is one who would have used juju on her partner otherwise never be so sure when it comes to such issues.”
Don’t get me wrong, I am not trying to create insecurity hype, but it happens. There are some people who are even afraid of entering into any relationships because they fear being cheated on.
If and when your trust is betrayed by the one person you care most about in the entire world, it is of course crushingly awful, but such things must just make you a stronger person and should not develop cold feet when it comes to relationships.
Anyway, realising how some people lose their mind after discovering their partner’s extramarital affairs, I think it is one topic we should be able to discuss openly as it can happen to anyone and all of us should expect it.
Of course it breaks one’s heart to discover that you are sharing your personal person with someone else. Whenever you discover such, never waste your energy and time trying to find out why he is doing it. Even the person doing it can fail to explain. Do not even blame yourself as it will leave you heartbroken.
Do not even think of confronting the other half! This is the mistake many people do. Soon after discovering about the affair, they become eager to meet the rival and some rush to mete instant justice, embarrassing themselves in the process.
Remember that the woman was proposed to, if it’s a man, his proposal was accepted as well and you just have to discipline your own partner.
Remember that side piece is not at par with you and never will be. Going head-on with her will demote you of your position.
You are higher than her and attacking her will rid her of guilt and release her to hurt you in words or physically.
Actually a physical or verbal confrontation comes as an endorsement that you acknowledge her as a competition, which should not be the case.
Remember, she/he is a mosquito, drinking off your partner’s blood and has nothing to lose in this whole issue!
Try to cool down before confronting your partner about the issue. Usually when you do things at the apex of your emotions you end up doing wrong things and sometimes remain the guilty person. Many thoughts will obviously rush through your mind but press the “pause” button. Put your emotions under control. When you finally feel that you are emotionally stable, look out for the perfect time to confront him and obviously not in the bedroom when you are about to be intimate.
As much as you will want him to confess, at times even with all the evidence, few people will admit to cheating. They will come up with silly stories, but for the first time ignore because they have the signal that they have been caught and should repent.
Though it is a difficult thing to do, when you discover that your partner is cheating, love him more and deal with the matter in a smarter way. You should open up your heart to your partner and by handling the issue this way, believe me its more powerful than fighting. When you fight, you will not be solving the problem, but pushing your partner to another person’s arms.
During such a time, you probably will be feeling hurt and very angry, and may have the urge to tell all of your family members, your closest friends, or even to post about it on social media to really get your feelings out. However, if there is a chance you want to reconcile and make things work, then you will have to deal with people looking at your spouse and your relationship differently for the rest of your lives. Instead of telling everyone you know, tell only the people close to you who you think can really help you think this through.
It is true that once you tell someone, you feel relieved, but that could be followed by pain and regret. During such times it’s when you realise that people whom you thought were close to you are your enemies as they will start celebrating and giving you bad advice.
After discussing the issue with your partner, you may forgive each other, but already judgements from external forces may have an impact on your relationship and even when you have put the issue behind you, remember people always talk especially about bad things, they never forget.
Though it may feel good to be cruel to your spouse, to take away the things that he loves, or even to have your own affair in return, this kind of behaviour won’t get you very far and it won’t help you move your relationship forward. Though you can be hurt, do not punish them as it will strain the relationship even more.
Communicating and being open to each other is the best way to go as anyone can be caught on the wrong side of cheating and everyone is capable of it!
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