The Sunday News
Tendai Rupapa in Filabusi
FIRST Lady Auxillia Mnangagwa has bemoaned the lack of communication, love and care between parents and their children, especially the girl-child, which has seen older men preying on them.
Taking advantage of the situation, the older men come between the girl-child and her parents and plays the fatherly role, providing the child with provisions before bedding her.
During her countrywide Nhanga/Gota/Ixhiba programme, the girls raised concern about the situation and told Amai Mnangagwa that some parents did not have time for their children, did not provide for them, neither do they communicate with them nor give them love and care, which sometimes drove the children into seeking older men.
The girls said these men come as helpers before asking for sexual favours.
To avoid this, the First Lady yesterday said parents should not evade responsibility but should provide for their children, give them love and groom them into well-cultured future leaders.
She made the remarks during her educative and interactive Nharirire Yemusha Programme, which she brought here as part of her multi-pronged empowerment drive.
During yesterday’s programme, Matabeleland South folk were accorded the chance to come up with the qualities of a woman and man they perceived as suitable for their province in a development which allowed for the sharing of ideas.
“I have brought the Nhararire Yemusha Programme. This programme came about after I had introduced Nhanga/Gota/Ixhiba countrywide where many issues emerged from children saying they were troubled in the homes. Girls said some older men were luring them following the realisation that the children lacked guidance from parents.
“These older men were coming in as providers and taking advantage of the children and bedding them. Children say they are in such situations because of their parents. They are falling pregnant and dropping out of school. If you ask the father of the child, they do not even know after being impregnated at Vuzu and sex parties. This is where they are also taking drugs.
An elderly woman shares her views during Nharirire yemusha interactive session with First Lady Auxillia Mnangagwa
This child no longer has respect at home and fancies herself of the same age with her mother, while some boys are impregnating girls and denying responsibility because they both will be young. That is why I decided to sit down with parents for a discussion.
We want to know the type of son-in-law men expect at their homes and the daughters-in-law women expect. Whose daughter is this who is rushing into marriage without adequate training and whose son is this who is getting married without being trained by elders? The father is stealing the produce we are toiling to grow as a family and squandering the proceeds on booze. On the other hand, the mother is cheating. What does Nharirire yeMusha mean, how do you understand it?”
In response, Gogo Nozipo Dube said a home was looked after by mothers, hence a woman was the Nharirire.
“The home is kept by women and when a woman is widowed, she does not abandon the home and children as men do,” she said.
However, Mr Nkululekho Moyo differed.
He said both men and women hand a responsibility to watch over the home.
Mrs Samukheliso Ndlovu said in her view, women were the ones who watched over homes without the involvement of men.
“I insist that the mother is the one who watches over the home because even when a child is crying, he or she calls out the mother’s name and not the father.
‘‘Even for men to go to work looking presentable, it is me the woman who ensures this happens. The mother is the backbone of the home because some men do not even know the child’s class,” she said.
In jest, the First Lady said even men cried out to their mothers when things got tough.
“As men and women, what kind of son-in-law do you want?” she asked.
An elderly discussant said a son-in-law must be morally upright and dignified.
“We want a son-in-law who is respectful and capable of looking after his family. Someone who allows his wife to work so that they look after the family together. We do not want a son-in-law who goes around wearing over 10 trousers,” she said to applause.
An elderly man said he too wanted a daughter-in-law who was respectful.
The First Lady weighed in saying: “A good son-in-law and daughter-in-law are the ones we came to mould today and to achieve this as a nation, parents we have to teach our children.”
Men and women were then separated to come up with the qualities of a good man and woman who were ideal for Matabeleland South.
Speaking to women, the mother of the nation asked if they were fully aware of their roles, knew where they stand in the family and society.
The women agreed that an ideal woman must be a unifier who unites the family, one who cooks for her husband, an approachable woman who is willing to help, a good communicator, smart, prayerful, peaceful, patient and cheerful.
One of the women said: “We want a mother who unites families from where they grew up and where they are married, who do not deny husbands conjugal rights and who does not gossip or tell the world about their domestic challenges.
A woman must do all her chores in the kitchen and bedroom. Let us not leave everything to the maid because one day that maid will overtake you.”
Mrs Sandile Ngwenya agreed, saying her province yearned for women who taught children good morals.
“As Matabeleland South we want a woman who teaches children good morals, not only her biological children, but even those from the community or extended family.
It takes a village to raise a child, meaning a child belongs to everyone, so as a province, we want our children to grow up morally upright and to achieve that we want women who are not selective in training children,” said Mrs Ngwenya.
Another woman, Mrs Sifanele Makiwa, said the province wanted a woman who is hard working and uses her hands.
Dressing was singled out as another challenging area by Mrs Sipho Ngwazi.
“We want a woman who respects herself before she is respected by others. This comes out through the way you dress and speak as a married woman. We do not want women who are promiscuous,” she said.
During the enthralling discussion, an elderly woman said some women misunderstood the quest for 50-50 gender balance and ended up disrespecting their husbands, leading to divorce.
“The issue of 50-50 gender balance is causing challenges because some women no longer respect their spouses and have become the law unto themselves. When the husband is hungry, they ask him to cook for himself. That is not it.
Let us give our husbands their rightful places in the home because we are their helpers,” she said.
There was also time to share biblical lessons, with Mrs Sandisiwe Mpofu saying clever women use their hands to build their homes.
“The bible says a clever woman builds her home with her hands and it is up to us women to build our homes and teach our children good manners. We must be role models to our children, a child grows up copying what her/his parents do and if you fight and dress badly, what will the child learn?” she said.
Represented by Mr Nhlanhla Magagula, Matabeleland South Province men expressed gratitude to the First Lady for giving them a chance to introspect as men and mould each other to become responsible.
“We agreed that a father heads the family with humility. A man must be hardworking and create wealth for the family. A man must have love towards the family and does not deny his wife conjugal rights because the moment we do so, the wife will look for alternatives, bringing diseases in the home,” he said.
Women and men follow proceedings during First Lady Auxillia Mnangagwa’s Nharirire yemusha programme in Filabusi yesterday
He added, “We want a man who ensures that his family is protected and provided for making sure his children go to school, is cultured and lives in harmony with his family and neighbours, should be a role model who builds his children’s character.
As Mat South men, we expect ourselves to be effective communicators who put across their messages to the family in peace without causing domestic violence. We expect men who control their temper.”
Matabeleland South men also agreed that they should respect their wives and not cheat, thereby exposing themselves and their wives to diseases.
Amai Mnangagwa said she would combine the input from Matabeleland South with the views of other provinces to come up with an ideal man and woman for the country.
“Our aim is to mould a man and woman we want in Zimbabwe. Men, if you see yourself lacking on some of the qualities raised by the whole country, please rectify this, the same applies to women. We want our country to be dignified among others across the world.”
She told the province about her national gender-based violence 575 hotline and said she set up the hotline in her office to reduce domestic violence and all forms of abuse.
She urged the province to use the number.
Vulnerable groups in the province were given maize-meal, rice, sugar and cooking oil courtesy of the First Lady.
Matabeleland South Provincial Affairs and Devolution Minister Abednico Ncube praised the First Lady for her programme, saying his province had witnessed teen pregnancies while drug abuse was high.
“The ideal mother and father is a role model who has to guide and reprimand the youth, at the same time guiding the whole community by instilling good behaviour, promoting social cohesion and unity for all.
“Parents should be able to build a platform that will groom the young people to be better and respectful citizens and better parents for generations to come. We applaud your noble initiative Amai,” he said.
