The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM having an affair with my husband’s brother. We have been having sex for over five years now. One time we got caught by a relative but thankfully she didn’t tell my husband. I love my husband and I want to end this. How do I end it? — Help.
Reply
His brother of all people — you must be mad. You said you want this to end, I am sorry but I have a hard time believing that. I am not sure if you are trying to convince yourself or someone else that you want the relationship to end. Once you are truly ready for it to end, you would end it with a simple “good bye . . . it is over!” I am actually surprised that after having an extramarital affair for five years with your brother-in-law that your husband has not found out and ended the relationship. Given that you and your brother-in-law do not appear to be discreet with your relationship, your husband is bound to know. The fact that you are still married says volumes about the state of your marriage. My question is: What choice will you make? Both of you have too much to lose and it would be in your best interests to stop seeing each other. Secrets like these never stay in the dark and whether one of you ends up confessing or somehow you all get busted, it’s going to be felt across the board — from your husband to the kids and your brother-in-law and his wife and kids (if he has a family).You must take a long hard look in the mirror and be honest with yourself. I recommend that you seek psychotherapy to work through issues and understand how and why you find yourself in this position at this point of your life. If you want to stop the pain, you must get treatment and heal from the inside out.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend says my vagina is too big and loose and he no longer enjoys sex with me. Could this be caused by masturbating? I am thinking of using creams to tighten my vagina. — Worried.
Reply
Saying your vagina is “too big and loose” was cruel of him. How does he know that yours is big and loose? It is possible that his penis is smaller in thickness and so he is not able to feel. It is also possible that you are well lubricated that he could not feel much of a grip (this is especially true if your boyfriend has always masturbated using his hands). Rather than jumping to a conclusion that your vagina is big and loose, you need to be confident about yourself. To some extent, a vagina gets a bit loose after some time of having sex. What is needed for you now is pelvic floor tightening exercise (Kegel exercise) and a positive mind. There are many vaginal tightening creams/gels sold out there but I don’t recommend them — they are most likely harmful. If you think it works and makes you feel confident, go for it but don’t say I didn’t warn you. Open communication with your boyfriend is important. If he is not able to understand your position and sabotages the sexual experience due to the size, then there are few fundamental issues that you need to clarify or review with your boyfriend. Sex is part of life and in that intercourse is only a fraction of sex. Please do not let a very small aspect of your sex take control of your whole life.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a girl aged 17; there is this guy I know. I like him and he likes me, we rarely see each other but when we do we always have a good time. He has a girlfriend, but he wants to have sex with me, he got angry when I refused. I think that he really enjoys being with me and wants a relationship. What should I do? — Confused.
Reply
This is ridiculous, you are17, the wrong age to be getting into this kind of thing. He rarely spends time with you and he has a girlfriend, but he wants to sleep with you. You are not even dating him! He has made no level of commitment to you, you could give in and go all the way, and he can technically go around to his girlfriend’s house the next day and sleep with her too. That’s the kind of situation you are setting yourself up for. It sounds like he is taking you for a major ride. The fact that he got angry when you refused only concretes the fact that he is an idiot that doesn’t value you and the fact that this is completely not appropriate. I would say just leave this guy out of the picture, or at the very most keep him as a friend. Do yourself a favour – step back and actually come up with some reasons as to exactly why you like him and think he is a good guy – I think you will really have to search around to find any – if you are honest with yourself. If he really enjoyed being with you and cared about you he would put more effort into it than seeing you now and then and he wouldn’t push you into something you don’t want to do. You have lots of time ahead of you in life to find the right person to make love with for the first time and at the RIGHT AGE. What you have right now is just plain sex with someone you don’t love. Save it for someone you really do love, or you will regret it when you look back at it all. I’m sure of it.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend used to do drugs, but he stopped after I encouraged him to quit. He used to also take Bronco but he no longer does. Things were good between us but lately we were not in good books and he sent me a text saying he does not know where our relationship is going. Do you think the drug problem is the cause of this? — Worried.
Reply
You are blaming everything except the relationship itself. He is a reformed drug user blah blah blah. In the end, it just sounds like the relationship has either fizzled out for him or truly has no direction. What the hell does the drug abuse your boyfriend has recovered from have anything to do with his recent lack of interest? If he is truly been off drugs for some time now then it’s not an issue to talk about here. I know you want to pin down the reason for this distant behaviour but I think you are really looking at it the wrong way. There could be a million and one reasons why he is acting this way, and it doesn’t sound like you have actually asked him – which is exactly what you need to do. I could sit here and type a million reasons, but all of it is going to be useless, because I don’t know the guy. That text you got from him is probably pretty accurate. He is not going to sit down and write that text unless he feels that he really has issues about the relationship. So it’s time for the big talk — ask him what is going through his mind about the relationship. Tell him your side of it, how you feel about him, how you felt things were and how they are now. Then ask him where he wants the relationship to go and see where the conversation takes you. It could be as simple as him holding back because he perceives the relationship as not going anywhere and wants more so he is protecting himself by holding back. Or he really could be thinking, there is not much point to continuing this. Whatever you decide to do just make sure you at least start getting answers from this guy, or you are really wasting your time being in this relationship.
SOULMATES
I am a mother of two aged 36 I am looking for someone who wants to settle down who is HIV-negative. He should be 38 and above.
I am a girl aged 22 looking for a guy aged between 25-27 to date, should be a Christian.
I am a woman aged 25 looking for a man to date, he should be 30 to 35 and HIV-negative.
Ngiyintombaza eleminyaka engu36 ngidinga ijaha elileminya engu40 kusiyaphezulu.
I’m 32 looking for a devout Christian lady between the ages of 25-30 with or without kids who is ready to settle.
I am a mother of one, aged 23, I am looking for a guy who aged 25-32 who is serious, who wants to get married.
I am 60, divorced; own my home and self-reliant. I observe the ways of the ancestors. I am looking for a lovely mature woman who is HIV-negative, 35-plus and of similar beliefs. No Christians please.
Mina ngingu mfana oleminyaka engu 24 ngidinga inkazana elothando lweqiniso oleminyaka engu 20 kusiyaphansi. Ngiyasebenza. NgikoBulawayo.
I am a 33-year-old lady with four kids, HIV-positive, looking for a man of the same status aged 37 and above.
I am a guy aged 27 years, looking for a serious girl aged 19 to 27 years in Bulawayo.
I am an 18-year-old girl looking a guy aged between 20 and 23.
I am a handsome young man of 29. Pliz connect me with a beautiful lady below 25 yrs of age from Bulawayo.
I am 30, a mother of five. I need a man who can take care and love me. He should be aged 40 to 45.
I am a man of 31 looking for a woman aged 38 and above. I am gainfully employed and tired of immature girls who don’t know what they want
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