The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I HAVE been living with my boyfriend for five years but I no longer love him. I don’t know what to do because I can’t leave him because I like the flat we live in. It is very beautiful and gives me status and makes my friends jealous. I just can’t go back home to my parents in Makokoba. — Stressed.
Reply
Are you for real? You are staying in a failing relationship because you can’t give up the bricks and the mortar? I am sure you have a beautiful home, but what about your happiness, your sex life and your future wellbeing? What about your boyfriend’s happiness? Surely you cannot string him along forever just because you love his flat? You mentioned your friends — that clearly shows how immature you are. Why do you care what anyone thinks? You may dislike your parents’ house but that’s your real home — that is where you grew up. You are a Makokoba girl; you cannot rub it off you. You can take the girl out of the ghetto but you can’t take the ghetto out of the girl. Try as you may. Do me a favour — please grow up!
Hi Sis Noe
I am a married man but I have a girlfriend who doesn’t know that I am married. She is now talking about us settling down and having children. I love her I don’t know what to do. — Confused.
Reply
You are a man living on the edge. You are telling so many lies and leading so many people along, your mind is in a whirl. But the fact of the matter is that you are already married, so you are in no position to marry anyone else. Therefore, it’s only fair to tell your partner exactly what is going on and how tied up in knots you are. Of course she is going to hit the roof, but she has to know where she stands.
Hi Sis Noe
My girlfriend expects me to do what she wants in bed but when I come up with my own suggestions she refuses flat out. Sex is about her needs, she does not consider my needs. — Help.
Reply
It sounds as if your misguided girlfriend needs to have it pointed out to her that healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect coupled with give and take. She needs to understand that you simply are not satisfied. Suggest rebooting your affair with romantic dates, early nights and nicer behaviour in general. Make it clear that you have needs too, which are currently not being met. Sadly, if the truth of matter is that she is taking you for granted and is treating you with contempt, perhaps you both have to accept that the respect has gone and the game is up. Moving on will not be bad idea.
Hi Sis Noe
I have a very beautiful girl but her behaviour worries me. She is very rude and bad mannered. Even my friends don’t like her. I once took her out for dinner and she was rude to the waiters. — Worried.
Reply
You wanted to ask me if she is the girl for you – the answer is NO. She is not. You are clearly a nice guy; if you stay with her you will lose friends and even relatives because she is that type of girl who thinks the world revolves around her. She is immature and crude and was not bought up very well. Dump her before you begin to despise her. Your girlfriend may consider herself superior and sophisticated, but the truth is that she is a fool.
Hi Sis Noe
I am sleeping with my friend’s boyfriend. He seduced me and we have been having sex secretly. It is great but I have fallen for him. He says he can’t dump his girlfriend because it will break her heart. — Confused.
Reply
You are being used but unfortunately none of us likes to admit we are being used. I’m sure that this man is very smooth and makes you all sorts of wonderful promises. But the reality is that he is your friend’s partner and she is still with him. It doesn’t matter how much he waffles on about the future – he is in no position to be with you full-time and it would be very wrong of you to attempt to steal him from under her nose. Do yourself a favour and back off before he hurts and disappoints you anymore.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a girl aged 21 and I have two kids. The father is staying with another woman but he still comes to me and he says that he loves me and he will come back to me. — Worried.
Reply
You are living in denial and you do not want to face reality, so you take comfort in feeding on his blatant lies. But it’s about time you woke up, he is married, forget about him and move on with your life. I can go on telling you about the disadvantages of being with him but I won’t because you know them. The children you have with him should not tie you to him, there are many men out there would jump at the chance to have you. I don’t think you are comfortable with being the secondary woman in his life that is why you wrote to me. So do something about. At 21, you still many years and adventures ahead of you.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 19 and he is 26. My problem is that when I have sex with my boyfriend I start bleeding for some days. Please help me am worried. — Worried.
Reply
If you bleed after sex and you are not on your period see a doctor. If you have abnormal bleeding or spotting between periods than that could be a symptom of an STI and needs to be looked at. Although it is scary to think about, ignoring the problem could make things a lot worse. Bleeding after sex with your partner could be caused by a number of reasons ranging from a side effect of the contraception pill if you are on one to a naturally virus known as HPV which causes cervical cancer. Any abnormal bleeding must be looked at. See a doctor.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a girl aged 20 and my problem is that every time I have boyfriends they have sex with me and after that they dump me bonke. I am trying to avoid it but I can’t. — Please help.
Reply
Treat yourself like a bicycle and men will ride you and leave you. You need to stop opening your legs to every guy that tells you he loves you because that is just a gimmick for you to let down your guard. Your history of being easy got around and now every guy who approaches you wants one thing and one thing only — to unload and leave. You need to respect and love yourself before you love a man. Loving yourself will see you attracting the right kind of man, a man who will love you for you not for what you were. Take some time off this dating game and list down the things that you want in a relationship. See where you were going wrong and correct your mistakes. Do a self analysis and trust me you will come out a changed woman.
