Why do men lie?

Auntie Charity

IT’S time to have a frank discussion about lying and deceit. I see a lot of fears floating around in the dating world and it can be disheartening. Just last week I was faced with playing counsellor which is something I am not good at because in most cases I come out biased.

Whenever a marriage goes sour, it is almost always caused by some tiny fear, doubt, worry or insecurity that grows and festers until you feel overwhelmed by the whole ordeal. Your fears and worries compel you to confirm whether they are real or imaginary. You stop enjoying the relationship for what it is and start craving validation and confirmation that it is “the real deal.” So I received an e-mail from one of the readers, I cannot really remember who wrote first but anyway the issue was about telling an “innocent” lie.

The husband claimed the wife is always digging up and so he had told an innocent lie to shield and protect the wife so as to spare her feelings. I myself could not help in anyway and I had to let the two of them decide because this “innocent” lie had blown things out of proportion.

So after all this “drama” I was taken back to a discussion I once had with my female friends and we were coming up with all sorts of theories as to why men lie. I am definitely not supporting lies but I have since realised there is a reason men do that.

One of the reasons that popped up about why men lie was that they do not want to hurt your feelings. It turns out most women have at some point shown themselves to be a woman who gets upset and dramatic when their husbands tell them the truth, but the thing is if you do that then you are training him to say what you want to hear to keep the peace, at the best, it is sugar-coating or avoiding an unstable subject.

At worst, it is a straight up lie to avoid drama and fireworks. Sometimes we forget the obvious that men live in the mindset of wins and losses, victories and defeats.

What is the upside to being honest if it simply leads to a more difficult life with no perceived upside? Which brings me to my next point that men do not like the drama. Like I was saying, if not telling the truth is harmless enough and being honest will just cause drama, heartache and grief for both parties, why would a man want to do it?

Please do not get me wrong, I am not advocating for the lying behaviour and I hold honesty as a high virtue for myself, but part of looking at this requires us to be honest about human nature (men and women) as we want to make life easier for ourselves, not harder.

If you want the truth and honesty, find a way to reward that behaviour, not punish it by putting him through hell. It is an old-fashioned question that women all over the world ask “why do men lie?”

Men lie for a variety of reasons, and some are the very same reasons women lie. In actuality, we all lie at times, so do not be too hard on your man all the time and go all dramatic on him. Men quickly learn to adapt their behaviour to keep the peace. If he can tell a little white lie to avoid drama and make his life easier, why would he ever want to tell you the truth?

OK, now I want to step back because I can imagine that my points may have infuriated certain readers, who are ready to comment with things like, “Why should we have to reward him for lying? He deserves all he gets coming his way for lying.” I have also noticed that in most marriages fear of the unknown can cause problems.

Men and women have fears and those fears are greater in marriages more than ever really since there is an entire industry devoted to making sure men and women are fashioned with insecurities so that they buy certain products, (planting in and agitating for tiny insecurities is the bread and butter of the marketing world) chat history, last seen on app and facebook chat and the list goes on and on.

I know this is cliché but truly honesty is the best policy. Some people think that some lies are necessary, but in most cases it is due to the issues within yourself that you choose to lie instead of speaking the truth. I know many people will say this honesty issue goes both ways, and it absolutely does.

I just like to address one gender at a time, because I do not want anyone to try to justify their lies due to the actions of the other gender. I will address the women, because we all know that women lie too. It will be similar, but there are always some slight differences.

Let’s keep talking e-mail [email protected]