The Sunday News
Oh what a week we had! I’m sure you agree with me that a lot of drama outspread as we entered May, from the smashingly hilarious babazala Lameck; to shifting paradigms of blame on Gukurahundi.
We can’t discount smoke screen pronouncements of an ill Morgan Tsvangirai to the joys of the recovered Comrade Chinx whose song Roger is my ring tone. It will be folly not to pay much condolence to yet another woman who was infected by the histrionic personality disorder or to be less spicy, defiance of political correctness, let us just say its memory loss.
Pheew! It’s too much, and you are eagerly waiting to know what I think about all of it, as I SHUT DOWN this series which has been not pleasant to many of you who said people don’t want to read the truth because I am being politically incorrect, yet I told you that euphemisms do not build a society.
They destroy humanity and I am not one who subscribes to sacramental polishing. One “religious” reader, as he claimed to be, said the past two instalments were laden with fevering truth and the readers can be scared of facing reality, he urged me to tone it down and be an agent of peripheral political discourse, the one which televises the grossness of political elitism literacy. Haaa! That is information insurgency, I must say my dear reader, people buy the newspaper to know what they do not know and for now, they know not what I know — my thoughts.
My response was straight as uSolobhoni. I write what I think. I chose a life of being a pragmatist, and my people have always been robbed of the truth by many scribes hence my national duty to spell it out as it is. Gone are the days when readers were served with a pallet of commentary laden with argot and twaddle which they little understood.
The analysis they are treated to speak of conflicting political theories and economies which do not explain the reasons why they are constantly poor, robbed of their most precious vote and systematically administered with doses of carefully crafted propaganda, all meant to ridicule the regime. It adversely becomes national duty to tell the truth that Zimbabwe owes you nothing; you should stop blaming the regime for the bad decisions your parents made which have been passed on to you.
Disconnect yourself from associations championed by the absurd. It’s the continuous belonging to cohorts of failure which will make your children ask; “ko daddy maitei?” Because a lot of people now look forward to what I think about what is happening, I owe them the truth, and nothing else but the truth. Gone are the days of being poetic on reality. Let us be bare about everything. We are 37 now.
Denial is a symptom of any terminal illness
Please do not vindicate me on this truth once more. My knowledge tells me that the illness of a public figure can be publicly discussed if it’s well known by the public, so allow me to remind you that Morgan Tsvangirai has not been well for some time. In fact he won’t be for some time, it is said he has some terminal illness of some sort, but that’s not the point. The point is; a medical friend of mine told me that many people who died of HIV/Aids in the early 90s died mostly because of depression caused by denial that they had contracted the virus before commendable efforts of fighting stigma and discrimination were put into effect as well as effective programmes to counsel and treat patients. She went on to say that it’s not peculiar to Aids patients only, but cancer patients also go through that. She further explained that the denial phase can last throughout the whole treatment stage as this is the most painful part.
From our discussion, I learnt that terminally ill patients deny most things apart from their medical conditions. They also have memory loss although numerous psychological treatments are dispatched; some are immune to the treatment. Ok, in short, our discussion was focused on Morgan Tsvangirai who declared that he won’t accept any result that won’t be his victory, come 2018. This is not a shocker, first because it won’t be his first time denying that he lost an election as he did in 2000, 2005, 2008 and 2013. Secondly, because he is in denial, denial that he has lost what used to be a rich political market after 17 years of toiling to enrich himself and a few who made a fortune out of the GNU and donor funding. Thirdly, he is in denial that he can’t face another humiliation of losing to the same man whom he has demonised over and over again. Are his gods denouncing him?
However, such a declaration made me ask myself if he is declaring a rebellion should he lose next year — which is obvious by the way, or he is saving face since he has run out of a better pleasing political rhetoric. Let’s understand him from a position of a desperate salesman, he has to have a selling line and after running out of all false advertising speech hooks of “Mugabe must go”, “manenzara? Hamusati manzwa nzara” and a flogging of the “bad governance” narrative which has proven his lieutenants to be gurus at it and lost him ground, it was high time he joined the trailer of the eco-friendly: “recycling waste” — he had to recycle that rhetoric. He said it at White City stadium in 2005, he said it in 2008 and he said it in 2013 at the same venue, wearing the same colours — but still healthier, yet he still is saying it today. Do you know that those who believed in the naked prophet Isaiah when he walked around naked for three years were said to be mad as well, the difference with Tsvangirai’s supporters is that Isaiah’s word came to fruition. Tsvangirai is very much compromised. My discussion with my medical friend confirms that. #letusprayforMorgan.
Good calculations by foolish parades
I remembered that there is a Memorandum of Understanding signed by the 12-year public enemies, Morgan Tsvangirai and Welshman Ncube without the consent of Joyce Mujuru who once was their foe but now an ally. Mixed feelings around it aside, realism-in, Professor Welshman Ncube did his calculations well. Realising an imminent political catastrophe in 2018, he decided to save his face should the odds confirm he is a political midget in a giant’s playfield. Wait, he is a kapenta in a pond of sharks; he made a decision based on electoral projections, that is clever of him.
In 2013, the good Professor controlled 2,68 % of the electorate of which the rest if not majority are on proportional representation and its two women, with Priscilla Misihairabwi-Mushonga having shifted to Matabeleland South on soft affirmative action after calculating that Glen Norah was not going to be friendly to her after all. To Welshman, the coalition is a well calculated safety net in any political misfortune because he was not going to be a negotiating principal should the paltry 2% vanish. The deal with Tsvangirai means he is a principal in the affairs of politics post 2018 as he has voluntarily absorbed himself into an MDC-T system not a coalition arrangement.
A man like the Professor cannot suddenly compromise his much arraigned principles for the benefit of the people except if it meant death for him. For 12 years, he stood by those principles which he viciously defended and vehemently declared that never will he associate himself with a dictatorial Tsvangirai. Now he suddenly thinks that people matter. So, they didn’t matter then? I respect him for his projection of the political stripping he was facing because contesting for the presidency was a non-starter. Two percent cannot miraculously be the five fish and two loaves prayed for by Jesus, the two Parliamentary seats were going to vanish leaving him with a confirmed “briefcase” party. He definitely needed TB Joshua for that miracle to be believed.
To Tsvangirai, global political pressure was piling on him to coalesce and he never took time to question if 92 637 votes were added to 1 172 349 votes would add up to 2 110 434 votes in Zanu-PF’s pockets as of the last election. So who won on this coalition? Is it Tsvangirai who has done what Macheso sang “Zvido zvenu kunyanya” or it’s the Professor of Constitutionalism bargaining with the tea boy? Let those with eyes see.
London Bridge is falling down, falling down, falling down . . . (Singing)
It started with former vice-president Joyce Mujuru blatantly lying in London that she is poor and didn’t know anything that happened in Zanu-PF to an incumbent Vice-President of the opposition, leaving many stunned. here is something about London which makes our female politicians be affected by histrionic personality disorder (look it up). In summary, it’s a personality disorder characterised by immaturity and being dramatic.
Thokozani Khuphe, one of the three vice-presidents of MDC-T defied all barricades of confining one to political correctness — she is in it for the money. She didn’t lie, please don’t insult her, she was honest enough to confirm what has been happening in our local councils when councillors and deputy mayors can’t wear their sheep’s clothes anymore. Isn’t she a darling?
Telling the truth is always good — a burden off her shoulder, now we know why Elias Mudzuri, Thobani Ncube and Martin Moyo are like that. If she can say such in public — that’s a snippet, what is said in private about being an opposition for the national wealth? Sinankiwe straight!
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