First Lady urges young couples to love each other, work together

Tendai Rupapa, Senior Reporter

LOVE is not all about money, but involves caring and working hard to earn a decent living and curbing a worrying increase in divorce cases, First Lady Dr Auxillia Mnangagwa has said.

She made the remarks at the graduation ceremony of hundreds of recently married young women and men who benefitted from her life-transforming skills development programme rolled out through her Angel of Hope Foundation as part of efforts to fight idleness, which leads to drug abuse.

Through the programme, she is also ensuring that young people have access to regular income to sustain themselves and their young families.

This was the third time the programme, which seeks to empower young couples and mould them into strong family leaders — was being held in Harare due to overwhelming response from many people taking up the courses — some of which are still ongoing.

Marriages involving young people were collapsing at an alarming rate because of idleness, promiscuity and lack of respect, which the First Lady is correcting through the skills development programme.

The courses on offer include baking, dressmaking, carpentry, cosmetology, detergent and petroleum jelly-making, as well as computer and cell phone repairs.

By ensuring all young people, including the marginalised and disadvantaged, unlock their potential through access to self-sustaining projects, Dr Mnangagwa is driving towards economic empowerment that helps men and women provide financially prosperous futures for themselves and their families.

At last Friday’s colourful event, the First Lady and some panelists met women separately to discuss various issues affecting them while men did the same with the help of experts.

The First Lady said it was important for women to stand firm and perform all duties expected of them.

She also touched on elements of behaviour, friendship, dressing and hygiene.

“Let us discuss what it means to be a woman because a woman is not all about make-up and dressing, but a woman is what you do and how you carry yourself. How are you going about it as a woman? I have come to discuss with women so that we build and mould our families. We were created by God as females with specific roles and functions. Do we know the roles? If we know, are we doing the work?

When we talk of womanhood, we are talking of people who left girlhood, isn’t it? I see most of the age groups here are young and recently married. As a married woman, you should watch your step, speech and how you relate with your husband and in-laws? How are you dressed? Who are your friends? What have you done to help your families through your friendship?” she said to applause

Added the First Lady: “We, therefore, say one should look for a friend who also guides you. There is friendship of going around drinking, and friendship that brings you together for a good cause. Iwewe uri papi? When we see you, what do you want us to call you because mabasa ako determine the name you are given in society?

“We then said we do not want to see you at such places. I then said, as we are gathered here today, the name you brought as you entered the gate must change as you leave. I want you to walk away as a changed person. When you leave this place, you should be having a new name. That good name can only be attained if your heart is willing. We can discuss until sunset but that is not what will build you. There are two phrases that I usually mention in my life. These phrases are ‘I can’t be handled that way’ (Handinzarwo) or ‘It doesn’t matter’ (Hazvinei).

“These phrases have many meanings. If you are a mother, of the two names, which one would you choose? Will all of you choose to be called Hazvinei (It doesn’t matter). Why? I thought Handinzarwo was the most appropriate. Hazvinei is a solution for many things. It softens many hard situations, yet the other name causes problems that will haunt you endlessly. Wherever you go, there will be trouble. A woman must always carry the name Hazvinei. There are some people who see all your suffering but you just look aside and say it doesn’t matter. This will make you live well. Semudzimai, look for things that give you a good name.”

Evangelist Gwatidzo spoke about what it means to be a woman and the need for a female to arise and work.

She also took those in attendance through a grooming and etiquette session.

“As a woman, do you know that you are important? Who are you, where are you coming from? Where are you and where are you going? You should not just be an object occupying space. Today we want to leave this place as wholesome women. A woman brings happiness where there is no joy. A woman knows conduct that promotes peace. The word mukadzi in Shona has two parts — Muka and Dzi, which mean arise and be firm.

“Our mother teaches us how to live well in the home with our spouses and children. She wants us, especially young couples, to know how to be submissive and how to approach certain issues in the home to curb divorce. Unhygienic practices also cause violence in the home. Are we practising good hygiene?

Are we preparing food in clean environments, washing and ironing the family’s clothes? The First Lady is saying once you know who you are, where you are heading to, where you are coming from, be smart and arise with hard work.

“She said she wants the woman to work and is spearheading various projects, mainly for us, women. If you can’t be found in these projects that are being rolled out for free naAmai, where else do you want to be seen? Our mother wants us to develop ourselves, so the ball is now in our court. It’s up to you as a woman to kick or bounce it. She is playing her part by giving us projects,” the evangelist said.
Gogo Hilda Ruzani discussed bedroom issues and the duties of a wife.

“As daughters-in-law, are you getting along with the in-laws, especially the young ones? Where are the quarrels with the aunties and mother-in-law coming from? It is your duty as a daughter-in-law to mould the family and end squabbles. You should see to it that the house is kept tidy and household chores like cooking and sweeping the yard are performed to perfection. Bring the in-laws closer to God through good deeds and always show love to the family,” she said.

Women’s Bank chief executive Dr Mandas Marikanda gave insights into how the financial institution operates and how those willing to start businesses can go about it.

“What should we do to get more money? Our mother is going around making sure munhukadzi is empowered. If a woman has nothing, she ends up thinking that prostitution is beneficial. Some end up thinking that stealing helps. One is also consumed with hatred and poverty that make a woman bad. If you look at it closely, some of the anger we have and violence in the homes are spawned by poverty. To make Amai happy, we must not fail in our projects. Once we start up, we should be able to run. Our mother has shown us how best we can get money. There is money in detergents. Instead of buying from big shops, the shops will buy from us the soap, cooking oil, peanut butter and drinks. We haven’t started talking about saving money, but we are talking about just food for the household,” she said.

Dr Marikanda then took the women through the processes of accessing loans from the bank.

The First Lady implored the women to embrace the teachings they had received to enjoy success.

“Today, we have learnt and we want you to remember what you have learnt. To the graduates, congratulations and do not backslide but rush to the Women’s Bank to access loans and start your businesses. Those who are married, please keep those unions vanangu, muchishanda pamwe chete with your spouses. Work hard and assist your spouses in looking after the families. I am not selective and work with every woman. I have come to encourage you and give you confidence. I want you to be changed people and get to another level. I encourage you to work in groups and use the Women’s Bank and Empower Bank,” she said.

Men also went through similar sessions with experts who encouraged them to work hard at all times and live in peace with their spouses.

Said one trainer: “We are looking at characters. Whenever you are shouted at in the home, as the head of the house, you must know how to handle such situations. Learn to communicate well with your wives and avoid violence. Economic aspects are also leading to divorce. I implore all of us as men to look at the projects being spearheaded by Amai; she is also empowering us, men. Yes, there are other women who are cheating, but varume tisu tiri kunyanya. We must be faithful to our wives and let love lead.

“Let us understand that small things matter in marriages. We must never forget the spiritual aspect. As men, we should teach our children to be prayerful.”

Another male trainer drew laughter while talking about hygiene.

“There are some men who live as though their teeth are margarine-coated. Despite this, they demand to be kissed. Some of us who drink beer are always sloshed and reeking of booze, yet we demand to be kissed. We should also appreciate that our wives left their families to come and be with us through thick and thin. The women conceal a lot of bad things we do like bedwetting, messing blankets and they wash our clothes so that we are presentable and continue looking young. We must appreciate our wives; they make us look good,” he said.

Men were encouraged to have good communication with their spouses at all times.

“A major challenge that we encounter as men is that of communication. Everything that we clamour for, including conjugal rights, need communication. There is too much communication breakdown. At times women do not listen to us, and they don’t follow what we want. A man is like a young child who wants to be loved. When we get married, we move with our wives, but once we have a child the woman starts giving all the love to the child and that brings challenges. She then forgets that the child came from the man and that is where they should appreciate what they came for — the men. On the other hand, women are like children who need to be spoiled with snacks,” he said.

Dr Mnangagwa later addressed the combined gathering, where she expressed delight in helping young people lay the foundation for happy marriages.

“I am happy to be with you today, focusing on young people and laying for them the foundation for happy marriages. It is now the third time we are meeting in Harare under the programme and skills training that I initiated free of charge so that you are empowered and find something to do. To women, spinsterhood is over and you need to work hard in your households, helping your spouses. For you men, bachelorhood is over and you are now heads of households.

“I have come to add to what you have been doing so that we curb divorce cases. We initially met separately so that we train one another because not all of us received Gota/Nhanga/Ixhiba teachings.

Vana vangu vakomana, why are you taking drugs and getting so sloshed that you miss the entrance to your homes? This is where you then rape while intoxicated. We must shun drug and substance abuse and show one another love in the home. Love is not all about money but commitment. It is about communication, caring and hard work. After training, I brought the Women’s Bank so that you know where to head to after graduating.

“Get a loan from the bank and do not expend time gossiping. As a woman, you are a root; so, stand firm.

Let us follow good morals. I wish you would invite me so that I witness your progress. The Ministry of Women Affairs, Community, Small and Medium Enterprises Development is also there to assist you for the success of your businesses. It would be prudent to work in groups so that we can then supply big shops in the future. As a mother, I work with all my children despite religious or political affiliation. All I want is for everyone to be empowered. Let us do all this in peace without violence. As a woman, learn to forgive and not bottle up,” she said.

The graduates wore broad smiles and promised to put to use the training they attained, courtesy of the First Lady.

Mrs Lyn Mhundwa said: “I have been empowered and am now ready to face the world. I wish to use the skills that I have acquired to strengthen my household. I need to repay the love that has been shown on me by the First Lady with success. She is indeed a loving mother.”

Similar words were echoed by Mr Talent Kuzvidza, who said he had been given a good start.

“I have been given somewhere to start from and the skills I have acquired will help me look after my family for life. Our mother really means well for the nation and we should embrace her teachings and projects,” he said.

Mr Brian Muerere praised the First Lady for the skills development programme, saying it helps build families.

“Our mother has struck the right chord here. What she is doing helps build families and ensures married people are aware of their roles. It helps them combine forces for the good of the family and achieve unity of purpose in their homes,” Mr Muerere said.

Dr Mnangagwa donated maize meal to the community, while Iyasa provided edutainment on empowerment and a play on the fight against GBV and drugs.