The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
ONE of the saddest things in life is loving someone who used to love you and you get to miss him so much despite staying together. The painful part is that even telling him how much he is missed won’t make him change, therefore the best thing will be pretending as if all is normal. But deep down your heart will be hurting and every time you are alone all you can do is cry as your new status will have changed from married to married ‘‘single’’ woman.
Married single woman does exist in my vocabulary! It sounds strange, but that’s the reality most women are going through. It’s a phenomenon that haunts a lot of relationships especially if they don’t have appetite to withstand the taste of time. It hurts so much to be married to someone who gets too busy for you, not to mention the children.
Most men unfortunately believe that all a woman wants in a marriage is money so she buys everything she wants. I wonder how they missed the teaching on that money cannot buy everything.
You can have all the money, but if he is always busy on trips and at work then that money does not count. At times if you are in such a position you come to envy the poorest couples who are not even employed as they spend most of their time together just giving each other love as it is the only thing they can afford. Such couples will be sure of their status — married, not married single.
Then there are women with married single status because of their husbands whose second homes become bars. There are men who turn bars into their first homes and only go home to bath and change clothes otherwise nothing more matters in their lives. Such men are not even responsible, the wife has to work hard to make sure ends meet, children eat and rentals are paid. The woman suffers in silence having a hurting status.
The married single status does not only affect women, but there is a small chunk of men who get caught up in the storm. Most of these men are those ones who are unemployed and the wife becomes a breadwinner working locally or abroad. Unfortunately there are some women who believe that a moneyless husband is useless. They don’t give him time, deny him his conjugal rights and are always busy with other issues. The man then comes to fit in the league of married single as he will be a senior bachelor whose only difference is that he will be having a female bedroom mate.
The other people who fit in the married single league are the ones, despite being married, each one of them does his or her own thing and there is never a time where consultations are done. Marriage is an institution where there is lot of compromising and sharing. If you are a couple and you believe in doing your things and I go my way then know that your status is not married but married single.
The list can go on and on in trying to separate the married from the married single. One thing in common with all these married singles is that they are hurting to the core and live a life of regret. Once you make your partner to start cursing the day he or she chose you from the rest then know you have betrayed her or him.
If you are a woman never subscribe to the belief that tears and hurting is part of a marriage. Make it clear that you sacrifice your love not to empower him to destroy you. If you are in a marriage and you are treated as the last option, that person injures your self-esteem and when the ego is gone, you are destroyed. Never accept to be a married single, better be single at once than being turned into a confused person, not knowing where you belong.
Every woman wants a man to make her feel safe in his arms, hold her tight and remind her everyday that she is the only person in his world!
If you are a man and your wife’s actions have left you with no choice but to be a married single better put your foot down. It is either she loves you the way you are or becomes clear of where she stands. Remember you are a man and have got feelings, save yourself from being accused of rape by solving your issues before they get out of hand. Do not be one of the losers who when they find themselves in such situations start abusing drugs, allowing themselves to be destroyed by a woman.
A ring doesn’t guarantee or seal the fate of an everlasting impression. That’s why married people also fall out of love, it’s an excruciating experience especially if the other part is not on talking terms or interested in mending the porous loopholes robbing the relationship of the much needed love.
Once married some women stop doing the very things that attracted their partner to them. This inevitably leads to falling out of love in a relationship that is supposed to be progressing. There you have it women, those little things that you used to do before you were married should continue wellinto the marriage. At this point I think am justified if I argue that falling out of love is an option. As married people therefore it’s upon both parties to ensure they sustain the relationship through activities that attach the bond and keeps both of you going.
If it’s way beyond reproach then as painful as it is, separation becomes the next thing. Though advisable if symptoms are dictated at an early stage necessary measures can be taken and save the situation for the better. Better not be single while you are married, put your foot down and take measures for the best.
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