The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
THE quote “until you get comfortable being alone you will never know whether you are with someone out of love or just loneliness” is familiar with a number of people but not everyone sees the truth behind this powerful quote.
The feeling of having someone to share beautiful moments with, someone who will support you is the best feeling in the world and it is everyone’s dream. Many people are afraid to be lonely and that at times pushes them to be in meaningless relationships.
The fear of being alone often drives people to stay in unfulfilling and stressful relationships, creating the illusion that love still exists between them and their partner. In most cases, some people fail to understand that starting over gives them a chance to find a more fulfilling relationship.
When it comes to love and failing relationships, it is important for one to be completely honest with themselves. Are you staying with your partner because you love them and believe you can make it work or it is because you fear being alone? Your honest answer to this question will reveal a lot about your personality.
When you realise that you are holding on to someone because you are afraid of being alone, don’t feel judged or abnormal, after all honesty is the first step towards getting help and improving your situation.
I would like to tell you that there are probably millions of people who have stayed in unfulfilling relationships because they were afraid of being alone or are afraid to start afresh. Never confuse fighting for love that exists and staying in a relationship because you fear being alone.
When you notice that you are afraid of being alone or the simple thought of being single leads to feeling of anxiousness then you have to teach yourself that you are lovable and are worthy to be loved even if it means to leave your current partner. You don’t need a woman or man to prove it to you.
To start with, a lot of people in life have let go of their religious beliefs, friends and family because of love. It will be a system that will be part of you, but at some point you choose to dump it just to please someone. If you managed to sacrifice all these things and survived, what makes you think you will die after losing one person?
If in life there is anything that disrupts your happiness, just let go! A lot of people fear being alone and choose to be in relationships which in actual fact do not even exist.
By so doing, it will be a cover up in trying to act as if everything is normal while on the other hand they are hurting.
Never hold on to a relationship that drains you and is not fulfilling or making you better. Sometimes being alone brings so much joy than being in a non-existent relationship. When you get the chance to be alone, you rediscover yourself, what makes you happy, after all you will be channelling all your energy and attention in rebuilding what that old relationship took away from you.
I believe once you fall in love with yourself nothing can stop you from finding a relationship based on love and not just the fear of being alone as love plays the major role. It is better to start over than feel imprisoned in a relationship or sleep next to a person that you detest because you fear being alone. That on its own will break you beyond life, rather face your fears head on than live a lie.
Always know that a forced relationship where one party or both are just doing it for the sake of not being lonely has weak roots and destined for failure.
A weak foundation is a recipe for disaster so make your choice wisely. The choice is yours, if you choose to stay in a relationship based on fear be prepared for the repercussions, it might backfire and even hurt you more. On the other hand, if you choose to start afresh it might not be as bad as you think. It is important to know that nothing lasts forever and nothing, not even fear, can distort reality.
Heartaches are meant to harden you and make you a better person. Unfortunately if you fail to make wise choices and live to please the world, you will suffer more and never know happiness in your life.
Be prepared to walk away when your needs are not met in a relationship.
It will be hard and it will most likely come at a time when you are at your weakest. When you expect someone to be there, and they are not, you will find that loneliness in a relationship can be loneliness far beyond being lonely alone.
And if you are starting to think this is a reality for you, it may be time to accept that it is better to be on your own than be left hanging in such a difficult emotional state.
