The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I STOPPED taking pills a month ago but I am yet to get my period back. What is wrong with me? — Worried.
Reply
Going off the pill, or any hormonal contraceptive, is a big switch for your body. Among other changes, it may take several weeks for your period to find its own rhythm and become a regular visitor again. Depending upon the woman, the type of pill, and the length of time you have been taking it, it may take anywhere from several weeks to several months before hormone levels regulate and allow regular menstruation to resume. In addition, if your periods were irregular before taking the pill, your periods may continue to be irregular after stopping the pill.
Generally, your period should start four to six weeks after taking your last birth control pill. If you have not begun menstruating after three months, you may have a condition called post-pill amenorrhea. Birth control pills stop your body from producing hormones that trigger ovulation (egg release) and menstruation. When you go off the pill, it can take a while for your body to re-adjust to its natural hormone production schedule. Eventually though, your regular menstrual cycle will return. Most women will ovulate about two weeks after going off the pill. Older women, especially women who have been on the pill for a long time, may begin ovulating again more slowly.
Although unusual, it is possible for a woman to get pregnant before starting to menstruate again. If you have had unprotected sex since you stopped taking the pill, or if you are worried that there is a chance you could be pregnant, then you may want to take a pregnancy test. If after several months, you are still not getting periods or if you have concerns about being pregnant, you may want to schedule a check-up with a health care provider. All that being said, chances are everything is okay and your body is simply re-adjusting to life off the pill.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband does not want to make love to me. It’s been months since we had sex. — Help.
Reply
You need to explore together why he doesn’t want to make love. Has he lost all his sexual drive, if so it may be a medical problem like lack of testosterone, diabetes, depression, or prescribed drugs that can affect his libido. Perhaps he is impotent but doesn’t want to admit it. If any of these things are causing a problem he should see his doctor. Alternatively if he has lost interest because, though he loves you, he no longer fancies you, then he needs to be honest about that.
That does not mean that you are not attractive and sexy, it’s just that the chemistry is not there any longer. If so it would be soul-destroying for you to stay in this marriage. The same would be true if he is not being entirely honest with himself or you about his sexual orientation. It could be that he has a very low sex drive, is there a pattern of him wanting sex in a new relationship but then he finds it peters out?
High levels of stress can also depress some men’s libido and make them avoid sex. So can childhood sexual abuse.
Psychosexual counselling could help if it’s a marriage or a psychological problem. But if he can’t identify why he has been avoiding sex and is reluctant to get help then you should seriously think whether you want this relationship.
Hi Sis Noe
I was a virgin but I did not bleed when I had sex with my husband. — Help.
Reply
Not all women bleed when they have sex for the first time. Vaginal bleeding from first time intercourse typically occurs when a woman’s hymen tears. The hymen is a thin layer of tissue that covers part of a woman’s vaginal entrance. Although the tissue itself is thin, it is filled with blood vessels — that is why tearing the hymen can lead to bleeding. Among women who notice bleeding when they first have sex, some notice only a small amount of bleeding and others notice a significant amount.
However, some girls are not born with much hymen tissue at all and so when they are older and have vaginal intercourse for the first time, they don’t notice much bleeding, if they notice any at all. Other times girls are born with a typical amount of hymen but the hymen tears during childhood or adolescence without them even realising it. A young woman may tear her hymen while washing her vagina by inserting her finger or fingers or another object. Also, a young woman may tear her hymen while being fingered by her partner as part of sex play. Even tampon use may help to wear away parts of the hymen over time. Sports that require a lot of leg work, running, riding a bicycle can cause the hymen to tear. In other words, there are several reasons why you did not bleed during your first sexual intercourse — but that doesn’t mean that you were not a virgin. I hope this is helpful.
Hi Sis Noe
Is it safe to have sex when pregnant? I am a woman aged 20 and I am pregnant. — Curious.
Reply
It is very safe to have sex when you are pregnant. But I am not surprised that you think your partner is going to harm the baby by thrusting into you. In fact you might find out that your sex drive is higher than ever at this time (I hope I am right).
Reassure him that the baby is protected and you could try some gentle positions that don’t seem dangerous. In your second trimester you should have a good sense of wellbeing and be blooming, and you will know that your baby has made it through the stage where the risk of miscarriage is highest. As your belly expands though, you might both need to get more creative with your positions. Sex can even help reduce pressure on your lower back and plenty of women say pregnancy improves their sex life! There are exceptions, of course, and it’s always worth checking out with your doctor. For instance if you know you have a risk of bleeding, you have a history of miscarriage, are expecting more than one baby or you feel pain while urinating.
Don’t be surprised if you feel that you prefer to be intimate without having sexual intercourse. Many women become more interested in sensual arousal and want to enjoy touch and foreplay, and it’s also normal to feel uncomfortable about having sex when you are pregnant. People are not the same — we are different.
Hi Sis Noe
During sex I don’t get wet enough and my boyfriend and I end up bruised on our sexual organs. I have also never experienced an orgasm. — Worried.
Reply
Your dry vagina can be caused by not being aroused enough before sex or not wanting sex at all. Your man might be penetrating you before you are ready or maybe you are stressed. Maybe you are taking certain birth control contraceptives that cause dryness such as the pill and depo-provera. Having an infection can also cause this. You could visit a doctor to find out what is wrong with you. In the meantime you can use lubrication to make yourself wet so that you avoid the painful sex you are having. As for orgasm, every woman’s experience of orgasm is different. While some women experience powerful orgasms that feel like clear events, other women experience orgasm that is quite mild. Nearly all women appear to be capable of experiencing orgasm, but it can take some time, practice and exploration — alone and/or with a partner — to develop some ease with orgasm.
SOUL MATES
Our dating section returns next week. Send your profiles to 0773111328. Make sure you state your age, HIV status, age range of the person you want and of course the type of person you are interested in.
