The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY husband always lies to me, what I should do about it? — Worried.
Reply
Knowing that someone you love is lying to you is an awful thing to be going through. You need to tell your husband that you know that he is hiding the truth from you, and there is no need to. You should be a team and tackle difficult situations together, not leave it all for one person.
Why don’t you try being more honest and open with your husband, and perhaps in turn he will do the same? If not then you both need to have a serious chat about your relationship and whether it is working out. But first, see if you can think of why he feels that he can’t tell you the truth.
If he did would your reaction be exaggerated, or is it just that you do not give him the support that he needs? You need to think about your relationship and try and see if there is any reason why he can’t put his trust in you. Sit down together and talk about it. Things like this won’t just go away, and need nipping in the bud before it’s too late.
Hi Sis Noe
I have a problem with my periods. I sometimes miss them but continue the next month. — Worried.
Reply
Missing a menstrual period is a lot more common than most people realise. This is often called amenorrhea, which is the technical word for absence of menstrual periods. In women who are not pregnant, amenorrhea is usually due to a hormonal imbalance. While these hormonal imbalances are not usually serious, there are some long-term health risks that can be avoided with treatment. Understand that missing a period is neither a disease nor a sure sign that you’re pregnant.
Sometimes missing a period is perfectly normal and doesn’t mean anything is wrong. Usually if the period is late and the woman is not pregnant, the cause is hormonal. This means that she is not ovulating regularly for some reason. Missed periods are often caused by undergoing a lot of stress. Stress can upset the normal hormonal balance in your body, causing your period to come late, or skip for one month.
Some other characteristic causes of missed periods include undergoing any major changes in your life, such as moving, starting a new job, or changed eating or exercise habits. Loss of significant amount of weight can also cause you to miss a menstrual period. If you find that this condition persists over a few months, you should make an appointment with a doctor.
If you miss more than three cycles or have any symptoms that are worrying you, you should see your doctor to check for the cause of the problem. Usually it does not turn out to be serious and may resolve on its own. But it is advisable to invest in your health before it gets out of control. The associated hormonal imbalances caused by missed periods may take a toll on your health in the long run. Avoid that by getting in control of your cycles.
Hi Sis Noe
I got married last year. The problem is that when I have sex with my wife she complains that my penis is hurting her womb. We hardly enjoy sex as a result. — Help.
Reply
What you are referring to is called cervical striking pain and it happens due to the tilted or prolapsed uterus or improper lovemaking positions. Some young women may have a tilted or prolapsed uterus when the uterine-suspension ligaments are too weak. If your wife has pre-menstrual pain in the luteal phase of her menstrual cycle, she may experience serious rotation or drop of her uterus (that is, titled or prolapsed).
When the uterus is moving down, a long, hard erect penis, (I believe you have one), can strike the cervix very easily. Cervical striking will cause a lot of pain. When the uterus is rotating off position (tilted or prolapsed) so that the penis stimulates the Posterior Fronix instead of the epicentre, she will experience pain against her cervix.
Improper lovemaking positions may direct the penis to strike the Posterior Fronix. This can occur even when the penis is not hard. Generally, women after age 30-35 or having babies may encounter uterine tilting or prolapse. In addition to intercourse pains, the uterine relocation or movement can cause pains or cramps during PMS, sleeping, orgasm or post-orgasm.
The phenomena can last several days. Start vaginal penetration after her vagina is wet; then thrust softly and shallowly before doing a deep, high-power, high-speed thrusting.
Hi Sis Noe
I have a boyfriend who is 22 and I am 19, I just found out he has a child with his ex but had never told me about it. We have been going out for two years now, what do I do? — Confused.
Reply
His lack of forthrightness in not telling you about his child is huge. This means that the unresolved components of his life, the greatest source of conflict for the two of you and likely the greatest ongoing clash for the rest of your lives if you stay together, was not revealed for very selfish reasons.
You have found out the most and probably the first important intimate relationship in your life was built on a lie. This was not a fair encounter. Ask yourself the question: Would you have hidden such a situation from him? This will reveal if there is a fundamental difference between the two of you. If you would have kept it secret then the two of you are cut from the same cloth. If not, you have to acknowledge the fact that he was willing to hide something from you because he knew it had the potential for making him unacceptable.
This brings up the question of his ex-girlfriend’s motivation and needs in this situation. Are you willing to deal with that? More importantly you must ask why, you would want to. Are you prepared to acknowledge that they will always be tied because of the child — will that not make you jealous? If you stay with him these issues will become yours. Do not minimise this. This is an ongoing concern that will affect your lives in a profound way.
You must ask if this is something you are willing to take on. Again, more importantly, ask yourself why you would want to. Finally you are asking if staying with him is going to ruin your life. Is this a risk you are willing to take? You already know this will be a major financial and emotional issue to cope with, and are asking if these features could mess up your life. These are his problems and they are significant.
He has not dealt with them in a straightforward way, and had kept the truth of who he is from you. It seems to me he has a lot to cope with before he can be fully ready for a relationship. His primary strategy seems to be not to deal with the most important concerns in his life. There is little you have told me to suggest he is serious about you. He lied to you for two years, remember that.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 19 years and my boyfriend wants to marry me, the problem is that he always beats me up when he is drunk. I love him but I don’t know what to do. — Help.
Reply
As you and many others know, abusive relationships can be confusing and complex because they often have lots of positive aspects along with the hurtful and horrible ones. But if there is a get-away-card in all of this, it is when he beats you. Honestly, you should break up with him before it gets more complicated. If he is already abusive, he is only going to get worse as time goes on. Marriage will only make things worse, not better. My advice to you is run like hell and don’t look back. You need to get out now and get away.
A man who has little control or feels he is entitled to strike a woman is not a real man but a danger to you. It will hurt to break up with him because you love him so much, but it’s for the best. In a way I think you know that you should leave him otherwise you were not going to seek my help. If you argue that you love him, and he loves you, you need to ask yourself, really? Would you hit somebody you love, and then justify it? Regardless of whether he thinks it was justified, you know it was wrong. In no instance, does a man ever have the right to hit a woman. Nor does a woman have the right to hit a man for that matter.
I know people say follow your heart, but your brain is what sends signals to you heart. So think first of what is right and your heart will follow.
