The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I am 30 and I am totally in love with a man in his late 50s. He is married with three children. I just want him all the time. Sometimes I don’t see him for months. What shall I do?
Reply
I dread to think how many years you have wasted on this totally unavailable man. He is married and has never given you an indication, as far as I can tell, that he is prepared to leave his wife for you. Apart from hurting his wife, his children would probably be upset by the whole thing as you must be about their age or possibly even younger. You are so important to him that sometimes he does not see you for months! Late 50s might not seem a problem, but fast-forward 30 years and late 80s definitely could be. So cut him out of your life and find someone nearer your age who is single and wants a full-time relationship. Go out, see your friends, join groups locally, build a good social life and stop hankering after this man.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 60, married and going through menopause. I have received helpful advice on dealing with some of the symptoms, but I am reluctant to discuss sexual issues with a male doctor. Over a period of time, I have noticed a decrease in the sensitivity of my clitoris and the intensity of orgasm. Is there anything that would help?
Reply
As women get older, it is natural to experience less blood supplies to the clitoris and vagina, which can reduce sensitivity and make orgasm more difficult to achieve or feel less intense. You could be experiencing some vaginal dryness, which has a similar effect. So try using a lubricant. Pelvic floor exercises can increase vaginal sensation and intensify orgasms. HRT or oestrogen cream can also help, so pluck up the courage to consult a female GP about this. Talk to your husband and suggest that you also explore different ways of making love that don’t involve penetrative sex. The best sex is when a couple can be really open and loving with each other, so they understand their own bodies and, equally importantly, how to give each other pleasure.
Hi Sis Noe
I ended a relationship with my girlfriend of a year because we argued a lot. I never intended to go back into the relationship, but when she came back into my life I went along with it because I didn’t want to break her heart again. I don’t want to be in this relationship.
Reply
You sound like a lovely, kind guy, but you are going to have to learn to be tougher to handle life and relationships. So take your courage in both hands and gently tell your girlfriend that you got back together because you knew that is what she wanted, and you are sorry but it is not working for you. Explain that you deeply regret hurting her but that it would be even more painful for her if you continued and then ended it months or even a year later. Most importantly, do not be persuaded to try again — that would only end up hurting both of you.
Hi Sis Noe
I like a girl at work, but I am shy to tell her. I am 40 and she is 20. People who know I want her have told me she is too young for me.
Reply
If she were older it would not matter so much, but as she is so young it is an extremely big gap. She has not had a chance to have many relationships or much life experience either. So for a number of reasons it would not be a wise move. First of all, have you had any indication from her that she returns your interest in any way? If not she is likely to say no. Most parents of daughters have to put up with them dating a few unsuitable men. But as you work together and your colleagues also feel strongly that this would not be a good idea, I think you need to take that into account. She is too young to commit to a long-term relationship and if it didn’t work out it might be very difficult working together. The heart may say one thing but the wise thing to do would be to look for someone else.
