The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I THOUGHT my wife and I had a good sex life until I came early from work and caught her masturbating. After catching her we had sex and we have been having good sex but I am not so sure anymore whether I satisfy her. — Worried.
Reply
I suspect that you might not have told your wife that you are a little unhappy with the change in your sex life, so you need to broach the subject very gently. Say how much you love and desire her, but ask her directly if she prefers masturbation to penetration. I expect she might find it easier to reach orgasm by including self-pleasure in your lovemaking, but you need to explain to her that you would prefer not to make love this way every time. A lot of women find it difficult to orgasm on penetration alone, but this can be overcome if you stimulate her clitoris at the same time. Foreplay is also crucial, so both of you experience high levels of sexual excitement. Communication about what you both want and enjoy is the key to a fulfilling sex life.
Hi Sis Noe
My ex-boyfriend cheated on me five years ago, now he is back proposing marriage and telling me how much he has changed. I was in a long-term relationship which ended last year, he told me he was approaching me because I am single, he could have stayed away if I was still in a relationship. I am 29 and he is 32. — Confused.
Reply
Normally when someone has cheated in the past, I would urge caution in getting involved again, but it does sound as though this leopard might have changed his spots. The fact that he didn’t contact you until he knew your recent relationship had ended says a lot for him. There’s also a big difference in maturity between 27 and 32, so maybe he really has learnt from his mistake. I would still be cautious, find out, for instance, if he has been faithful in any relationships in those five years and ask mutual friends if they think he is genuine, but you could certainly agree to meet and talk. If you still love him, then you may want to try again.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband doesn’t have sex with me, he prefers to watch porn. He has a lot of videos on his phone. I have also discovered that he sleeps with women who are much younger than me. I can’t divorce him because I have no money but I am sex-starved. — Starving.
Reply
Your husband is treating you appallingly and it sounds as though he doesn’t love you. I imagine that his behaviour has also killed your love for him. Please believe me that not all men behave like this. Most love their wives or partners, are faithful and enjoy doing things as a couple. You could suggest to your husband that he finds a therapist to help with his addiction to porn. Many women in these circumstances would have ended their marriage years ago. I recommend that you consult a lawyer about a divorce and find out what the financial situation would be. If you really value sex then you have no choice but to leave him if he is not willing to change or to find help. Your sanity is important. You would be happier on your own, but if this is not possible you can lead an independent life by seeing your children and friends and doing things that you enjoy.
Hi Sis Noe
For 10 years of my marriage I have endured my wife’s low sex drive and health problems. There is no intimacy and I don’t feel much love from her. My wife doesn’t make me feel good and she is selfish. I am fed up. All I want is a good sex life, love and happiness. — Fed up.
Reply
I wonder why you are still in this marriage as you sound so unhappy and, sadly, unloved and unappreciated. I wonder if you feel that it would be wrong to leave the marriage because she has been ill. While this is admirable, it doesn’t sound as though she has had any thought for your needs throughout all this — and they matter too. Warmth, love and emotional closeness are so important in a marriage — as is a good sex life, unless illness makes it impossible. But your marriage seems to have none of these things and it sounds as though any love you had for each other died long ago. You could try couples counselling or, if she won’t go with you, go by yourself to help you decide what to do.
