The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I am a single mother and three years ago I got married to a man I thought loved me. But months after our wedding he started mistreating me and today I am financially broke and heart broken and I am divorced. We had good sex but he loved watching porn. His mother was also a problem in our marriage as he listened to her more than me.
Reply
Your life has not been easy, working and bringing up your child with little input from her father. Added to which you have not really had the chance to have other relationships, so when this man entered your life, you were bowled over and thought you had a lovely future together. You now have to cope with all those broken dreams as he turned out to be a million miles away from how he first appeared. It would be interesting to know what his past relationships were like. I suspect that he has never treated women well, so even though you tried to be a loving wife, his old behaviour lingered on. The important thing now is to rebuild your life. If he gets back in touch and suddenly becomes the lovely man you thought he was, don’t be fooled — it won’t last.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been with my boyfriend for four years, I am 24 and he is ten years older than me. I would like to start a family and hopefully get married in the near future. But my boyfriend is not ready. He still wants to go out drinking with his friends. Am I wasting my time when I am so desperate for a child and my own wedding day?
Reply
When it comes to marriage and having children you do have quite a lot of time on your side — it would be different if you were in your early to mid-30s. But maybe you need to set your own time limit on this. Does your boyfriend want a lovely girlfriend but also a relationship without a long-term commitment? And does he see his freedom and time with his friends as a higher priority? Or does he want children and marriage but not quite yet, which wouldn’t have to stop him seeing his friends? Talk to him about these issues. If it’s the first, then he is not the man for you. If he does want marriage and children — perhaps within the next couple of years — and is happy to discuss this, that is fine. However, if he is vague and just talks about sometime in the future, then that is not going to be right for you.
Hi Sis Noe
I broke up with a man I loved a lot and I was fine for some time then I found out he had found someone else. I saw their picture on Facebook and she is beautiful and they look so happy. Now I am stressed and heartbroken. I am tempted to text him.
Reply
It was painful enough when this relationship came to an end, but your new discovery is especially hard. As you had not been very lucky with love he felt like the man of your dreams. Have an agreement with a friend that if you feel like giving in to the temptation of texting or calling round, you contact her instead and she will, by agreement, tell you not to do it. I suggest you have counselling to see why your relationships have not worked out and to give you confidence to embark on a new one.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been in a relationship with an older man for three years. I love him and we are engaged, but I keep breaking up with him because his jealousy and insecurity drive me crazy. He was once married. He also tells me what to wear because he says I must not be too sexy for other men. He blames me for his lack of trust in me. Help.
Reply
He is divorced and I suspected it is because she cheated on him so it’s his behaviour that is a problem, not yours. His attitude towards what you wear is controlling and unreasonable and could easily increase if you were together permanently. If he were able to accept and examine his own jealous behaviour rather than project the blame on to you, then he could do something about it. If he refuses or nothing changes, which I fear may be the case, then I don’t think this relationship has a future.
Hi Sis Noe
I am married and I have a husband who loves me but I am cheating on him with another man. My husband is a good man and he gives me everything. The problem is I don’t feel emotionally connected to him. Confused.
Reply
You are playing with fire and betraying your husband. You could lose a man who loves you, disrupt your children’s lives and lose your home and lifestyle. Your lover is enjoying the fun of sex but he is not committed to you or going to give you the emotional connection that you crave. So end the affair and concentrate on the communication problems with your husband. You need to open up to your husband and tell him what lacks in your life.
