The Sunday News
SOMETIMES you break your own heart. There are times you have disappointed yourself or caused an incredible amount of pain to yourself and sometimes you want to reject your own self. Sounds crazy but it is true. Failure is inevitable if we are to succeed in life, unfortunately, many people do not know how to overcome failure, and they are stopped by it when they encounter one.
The ability to overcome failure is one big difference between successful and ordinary people. After all, we should pass failure on the way to success, so it is the ability to pass it that makes the difference between those who eventually reach success and those who do not. When we fail, we might be tempted to think that we have wasted our time and thus regret it, but this should not be the case. The fact that you have done something is much better than doing nothing. Many people who despise persons who fail never do anything themselves.
So if you have encountered a heartbreak because you failed then you need to rise up and move on because in life I have noticed that regret lies not in doing, but in not doing. Sometimes it can be very difficult to predict the outcome of your exams, whether in high school or even university. This is probably because, exams are arguably one of the most feared things in education for students. Whether a student is confident in their abilities in their chosen subject(s) or not, exams can often both predictably and unpredictably bring out the best, and more than often, the worst, in a student. I have over the years noticed that people do not fail because they are dull or intellectually challenged, there are various factors that sometime contribute to bad results. The thought of giving up is tempting, especially when we have failed over and over again, but who knows that maybe you are only one step away from success? Thomas Edison failed thousands of times to perfect the light bulb. He knew what it means not to give up. This week our heartbreak is from a young man who failed his exams and has used his failure as life lessons.
No matter how confident I was in myself outside the classroom as a trendsetter in high school there was still this unconquerable fear of hearing or seeing the word ‘‘fail’’ on the day of results because though I was not working hard in school I still did not want to fail. The funny thing is, my parents were always encouraging and never strict. They were never overbearing when it came to my performance in exams. They did not pressurise me or my siblings to exclusively feature in the top three or get straight As. They have always been very supportive and through the years I have known how to get them to flex their pockets because the mere mention of education makes money available even when you are constantly being told about January disease and the need to cut down.
I honestly did not do very well in my O-levels and I was supposed to re-write some subjects but somehow I managed to secure a place for A-level studies. It was a long time ago, I honestly do not remember how I did it but I managed. I remember the day our results came out. My friends were calling me left, right and centre excited about the new development and something hit me and my stomach turned. My parents called me and asked me to collect my results and I told them I would do so the next morning. I dreaded the drive to school, my friends had already collected their results and were happy planning their next step which was university and most of us had agreed on studying in South Africa while others had offers overseas. I limped my way to the deputy head’s office and when I opened my slip my stomach turned and I immediately felt sick, somehow I expected miracles to happen. I wanted to see As and Bs though I knew I had not given it my all.
I forgot to mention that this was the second time I was sitting for these exams, I was embarrassed of my own results and I tried to change my symbols just to feel better about myself. We left school and my parents had called countless times but I was too ashamed to tell them the disappointing news, for the first time in my life I was ready to take responsibility of my actions. After telling my parents my results I could feel their disappointment from where I was and sadly my heart broke too. I was so heartbroken and disappointed in myself. My parents tried to assist me but this time they failed to get through to me. I had no idea of what I was going to do next as my life depended on these results. I watched my friends leave one by one until I was left alone. I spent most days locked up in the house and I did not for a second have a plan for my life since I did not even have enough O-level passes to get me anywhere.
My parents tried a lot of things to assist but none of their plans worked out and to say the least I failed everything I attempted even a simple English test for my British visa. During this period I suffered a series of successive failures. It appeared as if I was being hit by one failure after another at the speed of light. Each blow grew mightier and more lethal than the one that had gone by. I got no time to recover from the damages of the previous blows. My life seemed to be like a ‘‘hit me’’ punching bag, which was meant to rise and fall, only to realise that it would be hit again and made to fall. I could not take it anymore and I was bored to death, my friends were posting pictures on Facebook and having a time of their life in universities and sooner than later they had new friends and forgot all about me. I was lonely and heartbroken. I really could not put a finger to my pain. I had little or nothing to do. I tried turning to alcohol but money became an issue as my parents were no longer sending that much money as there was no need for it, they were only taking care of the basics. I must confess failure is much harder to swallow than it seems. I failed in almost all the exams I had appeared for.
My heart sank each time people asked me what I was planning on doing with my life because I had no idea. I longed to have a chance to at least redeem myself but it was too late. Each time a person mentions the word results my heart takes a knock, I can still picture my deputy head telling me he did not want to see me back at his school because I was nothing but a failure. I can still recall that minute, I had no one to blame but myself but the last thing I needed was a kick when I was already down and out. I knew failing my A-levels was not the end of the world but I was heartbroken and really took a knock. I have not done much with my life until recently when I discovered my IT talent and I have since enrolled for classes to develop further skills. I am of age and I should be taking care of myself but I cannot and it breaks my heart because I have no one to blame but myself. I brought all this upon myself. I should have known better than to focus on things that have not brought any positive contributions in my life.
A lot of people will tell you failure is a stepping stone to success, it is the best thing if you learn from it and all that but I will not tell you this because unfortunately I was not lucky enough to step into success. All I can tell you is heartbreaks are real and they are not only based on love issues. To all those that are living their lives recklessly like I did thinking that your parents’ money and success can easily rub off onto you, think twice and take charge of your own life. The most important thing to remember in such a situation is to remain true to yourself, remember who you are, what your strengths are, what you are capable of doing, and what you want to do, and work hard. Choose friends wisely in school, work hard and stay focused.
Open your heart to the possibilities of new beginnings and more joy by sharing your heart-breaking stories; email [email protected]. Till next week let’s keep talking.
