The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
ONE of the biggest fears in life is trusting someone then he gets to betray you. It is heartbreaking and for some, the lesson is in their memory. They never fully trust anyone again, not like they did before. They can’t bear the thought of going through that again.
Whether it was a divorce, a lie, an affair, or a broken promise, the people we love can betray us in a thousand different ways. Some betrayals are like paper cuts that sting badly at the time but heal. Other betrayals cut us in half!
Some people have concluded that no one is worth being trusted because history always repeats itself after trusting someone. Truth be told, there is no free pass to trust if you really want things to work out.
To avoid being deceived, walked all over and used, always avoid giving trust right away. Falling in love sweeps you off your feet. When you are in love, you are in a different reality. Everything is beautiful; everything is right. Those rose-tinted glasses transform him from just another guy into your beloved, a knight and a hero among men.
You can’t see your beloved clearly until the honeymoon period has worn off. Until then, you’ll only see the best in him. Those rose-coloured glasses distort reality just enough that we can’t be confident that who we see is who our beloved really is.
It is wise not to trust 100 percent, accept the truth that at the beginning of every relationship, you see the other person as the best thing you have ever had and they appear flawless. You are in love and that’s how it works! Don’t give him all your trust right away, no matter how passionate you feel. Take it slowly. Wait until your vision has cleared before trusting him with the big things.
You will know that you are seeing him more realistically when you start to see his or her bad points as well as the good. This marks the end of honeymoon. The period can feel like a bucket of cold water dumped on your head, but that bucket of cold water also wakes you up. It’s a shock, but it’s necessary. You have got to see the truth about one another eventually.
In the harsh light of day, you will find that you can trust him on some things and not others. You can trust him to be faithful and care about you, but maybe not believe his word all the time and picking up the right groceries. And that’s fair enough. Trust should be realistic and that way, you avoid heartaches.
In life, don’t trust someone more than he respects you. Trust and respect go hand in hand. I know most people have got a tendency of challenging you saying, “Why don’t you trust me? Don’t you love me? You must not love me if you are not going to trust me on this.” This argument sounds convincing. Of course you love her, It makes sense that you should trust someone you love. Okay, then you will trust her on this, even though something feels off. You get forced to give trust a free pass even though deep down you feeling that something is off and after some time, reality will strike as that person who you gave all the trust will disappoint you. Do not let anyone manipulate you and get a free pass to trust.
Loving someone and trusting that person are two different things. Just ask any parent. You can love your children to the moon and back, but you are not going to trust them with matches or knives. Trust needs to be matched to specific situations and a proven track record. A person who respects you will understand that. They won’t pressure you into trusting them at once because trust takes time.
The more your partner respects you, the more you can trust him. The less he respects you, the less trust he deserves.
The other important thing to take note of is that in trusting someone you are taking the risk. Remember a human being can change anytime and is unpredictable. No matter how careful you are, there’s always the chance of things going horribly wrong. The moment you love and trust someone else, you open yourself up to being hurt. You never know the outcome of it.
The greatest achievements often require great risks. Failures, wrong turns and despair litter the road to victory. Give yourself permission to get hurt. Accept the risks inherent in loving and trusting someone. Trust yourself to be strong enough. The best way to avoid getting burnt is to have knowledge that allows you to predict the future. Knowledge is power precisely because it lets you predict things other people miss.
Trust is the central pillar supporting any real relationship. Building trust in a relationship takes hard work and commitment. Trust requires that we listen and communicate our wants and needs to our partner. Above anything else, trust requires honesty. Once trust is built, it should be maintained throughout. Once that trust is broken, it is almost impossible to go back to the way things were without the doubt and the fear of trust being broken again. A relationship that thrives on lack of trust will infuse uncertainties and insecurities in the relationship, either causing both parties to hate one another or the overall relationship to self-destruct.
Be cautious about who to trust. This doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t trust anybody,it simply means that you are aware that trusting someone is a risk and that risk can either create an everlasting love or destroy it. No free pass to trust.
Send your comments to [email protected]
