The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
MERRY Christmas!
It is that time of the year where there are a lot of weddings taking place.
Have you ever attended a wedding and really felt sorry for the newlyweds because of your own experiences which have made you believe that the marriage institution is just as good as hell on earth?
At times when you are single you find yourself seated next to people with marital issues and while the newlyweds are making vows, they will be disturbing you as they keep on whispering that they feel pity for them because they have made a mistake in their lives.
I have always wondered why some married people despise wedding ceremonies and are never happy for the newlyweds. Now I understand it will be because of their own situations which they have failed to handle. They will be in toxic marriages, but still choose to hang on, making them bitter.
Having a partner who wants you to change to suit their style is very disturbing. There are people who are in toxic relationships and know deep down that their relationships are hell on earth. They continue to live a lie as they are afraid of walking away. Nobody should remain in a toxic marriage, it is hell on earth. Your marriage should bring you peace, love, respect, happiness and fulfilment. It shouldn’t bring stress, pain, heartaches, regrets and abuse into your life.
You know you are in trouble when your marriage causes stress and pressure that is hard to avoid. This tension is unhealthy for both parties and may lead to problems in other areas of life.
If you are in a toxic marriage, you tend to put your partner’s needs above yours thereby neglecting yourself in the process. You live in fear of your partner. You can’t talk to them when they hurt you. You can’t even express your feelings to them without being slapped or beaten.
People in toxic marriages feel pressure to change who they are for their spouses. They feel worried when they disagree with their spouses because they know there would be repercussions for their action. They feel pressure to quit activities they usually enjoy so that they can please their spouses.
If you are in a toxic marriage, you must justify your actions to your spouse. You have to explain where you go like a child, who you see, who you call and who calls you. You may also be forced to share everything with your spouse against your will. In toxic marriages, arguments are not settled fairly. For some women, they will be expected to take everything their men dish out to them without discussion.
Hell on earth marriages, there’s an attempt to control or manipulate each other. Your partner talks down on you so much that you begin to resent yourself. They tell you that you don’t have the brains to think and make decisions for your family.
You come to lose that touch with the man leaving the house without informing his wife of his whereabouts. He hangs out with different people till midnight and returns to eat food and snore away. On the other hand the woman will also be doing her own things.
If you act differently when you are around your spouse, you are in a toxic marriage. If you have to hide your friends, hide your identity and pretend to be who you are not when your spouse is around, your marriage in unhealthy.
Your dreams and goals for the future don’t have to perfectly align, but your partner should support your big life plans. If your spouse doesn’t support your dreams and you are powerless over your own future plans, your union is a deadly one.
In a marriage, compromise should always come into effect but if you are the only one compromising on things while your spouse doesn’t do the same, then it’s a sign that something is not right at all.
If your partner consistently shoots down your dreams as unrealistic or not convenient, over time, this can lead to giving up your dreams and the marriage feels less like a partnership. A shared life is complicated enough without throwing dashed dreams into the mix.
You are a better version of yourself when you are in a healthy marriage. That doesn’t mean your partner completes you, but they do complement your life the right way. In a toxic marriage, you lose who you are to please your spouse. You are drained emotionally, physically and psychologically.
WhatsApp your comments to 0712978471.
