The Sunday News
BECAUSE I am a woman I sometimes find myself as a single mother and I have a lot of challenges as I have to constantly worry about the tags I wear and the struggles I encounter. I always say it, being a woman is a difficult job. It is not easy. Parenting is never easy I mean there is no “job training” most parents walk into parenthood with basic information shared by friends and relatives, but when it comes to practical experience, we are all clueless and worse still children do not come with instruction manuals and the parenting tactics that work with one child may be counter-productive with another. Single parenting changes everyone’s lives in all aspects.
When you are a single mother there is no longer anyone with whom to share the joys and tears. The responsibilities fall on one set of shoulders and there is no chance to switch off because you are on duty 24 hours. An offshoot of this economic struggle is the balance of work and family duties.
I respect every woman out there . . . this week I had the privilege of talking to a prominent single businesswoman who has defied the odds and does not mind sharing her success story with anyone who cares to listen. We were discussing business, life and my column and I thought I had to share her story. This 49-year-old single working mum of one is a seasoned and successful entrepreneur, who is a very busy lady who has done well for herself.
She is an award-winning author and editor who has refused to stay stuck in her not-so- fortunate situation.
Having a hard day trying to get things done, I wanted to hear some good stories from single mums or mums that have been single with a baby all their life so I listened in and I respect her very much.
“Single mothers were not popular or accepted back in the day and they still are not. It seems society will always be society because assumptions made about your morals, your motives for bringing your child into the world or your capacity to raise that child cut to the core of who you are. Today it still seems there is no way of escaping the single parent tag; it follows you everywhere. I had it all so I thought because my then boyfriend spoiled me and ensured I was well taken care of, I never imagined my life taking a different direction until the day I found out I was pregnant. It did not take time for my boyfriend to pack out of my life and I was left struggling with a being inside me and I was clueless about my new life. I did not know what I would make of my life and I had not completed my schooling. I thought about the stigma and my parents’ disappointment in me and I could not picture myself as a single mother.
I tried to look for the “love of my life” but he had vanished into thin air. Back in the day our only source of communication was a letter and good for me I did not have any means of tracking him down as my letters were never responded to and my phone calls to him were fruitless as I learnt he had moved to Botswana because it was our then “green pasture”. So there I was not only having to worry about what people might say or think about me being a single mother, but the added burden to society of living on social assistance.
The shame of having to ask for people’s help, the shame for relying on charity to make it by, the guilt for not being able to support myself or my daughter on my own. I made a decision a few months down the line. I had to get a job but that was not easy for me because I had no qualification I had nothing really, all I had was my beauty of course, so I had to start from somewhere. I worked myself very hard and my journey as an entrepreneur did not start here. I sold everything I could get my hands on because I had to earn a living and take care of my daughter. I locked myself in and my life was all about me and my daughter.
The short version of it all is that I worked my way up to where I am today and I have no regrets at all because I gave my daughter the best in life. She went to private schools and she is doing well in life so who said single mothers are doomed?”
There you have it ladies, strength is the name of the game, proving yourself, spreading yourself over all areas of life, being super mum and coming to the rescue of your children. Knowing all the time you cannot be broken. You are strong and have the ability and capability to take on the world . . . if only you had the energy as a single mother do not let the world collapse in your face because not all single mothers’ scenarios are “broken down cars”. Till next week, let’s keep talking 0773089395.
Feedback from last week:
I read every article you write on Sundays. Your issues on women are getting better with each Sunday. Please do not tire my sister continue writing your informative articles. Keep up the good work Busie. — 0774022032.
