The Sunday News
Christopher Mlalazi – IMAGINE being taken to court, and there the learned magistrate delivers on poor fun loving you a sentence that you are banned from entering pubs, and if you break this sentence, you will be regarded like a prisoner who has tried to break out of Khami Prison.
This is a story that appeared in one of our online newspapers a few months ago. Apparently this happened to a guy from home living in the UK.
He was accused of being a nuisance to other people in bars, as he was a shameless smankani, always harassing other people to buy him beer or cigarettes in bars and on the streets, until somebody reported him to the police and he was arrested.
Ah, we are thinking, this is a familiar story, as we see it happening every day at our bottle stores, that of guys asking for beer and cigarettes — but how can a person be arrested and taken to court for that?
Apparently UK law has a different take on this matter, and if you try it and an annoyed somebody decided to call 999, you’d better start running.
To make matters worse for our poor guy, he was also banned from being seen drinking alcohol in public places.
Well, we are saying, if he wants to go to a concert in a public place, he can then drink at home as much as he likes, and then go and happily dance there.
But, the magistrate was not yet done with the ban of entering pubs, the guy was also told that it is also a crime for him to be seen in any public places under the influence of alcohol.
Oh no, my friends at the bottle store say are aghast. That is cruelty to imbibers! Asking for someone for beer is not stealing and how can it be considered a punishable crime?
But just wait a minute, the sentence did not stop there. It went on. It was also a crime for this guy to be seen in any public place carrying an unsealed alcohol container, meaning like an open beer bottle or something like that.
What the — ! My friends at the bottle store are now cursing. What if he is holding the open beer bottle for someone who has gone to the loo?
Well, the answer is that he is not supposed to do that or it’s handcuffs for him.
But how did he go to the UK if he is a smankani? My bottle store friends are asking. Who wasted their money paying for his air ticket so that he can go and manka overseas instead of looking for work?
As we know, I am a bottle store veteran too, and these were the kind of questions that were going through my mind as I was reading this story of this smankani who was lucky and then got unlucky at the end, for his dream of being an international champion smankani has gone up in a puff of smoke.
As if this was not enough, I came across this other story too, but this one a bit older, something that happened in 2011 or so.
Are you ready for it?
Here it is. This guy from home, also now a diasporian in the UK, was given another sentence by another magistrate. No, this one was not over alcohol. This guy was given a peace order that he must not be seen defecating in public places, or he was going to be thrown into prison.
Mama Mia! What! Oh yes, apparently this guy was anti-social too, and every time he was drunk he would pull down his trousers and defecate or pee in public places, there, right in front of people, until somebody reported him to the police.
Ah, we are saying, even at the bottle store at home we don’t do that, even in the remotest growth point. People have respect for their waste matter and make sure they deposit it in toilets very far from other people’s eyes.
But why would someone lucky to get the chance to fly overseas end up relieving himself on the streets there?
Obviously these guys might have one or two challenges with their mental faculties when under the influence, but when you are a visitor in other people’s lands self-restraint is crucial, as you are an ambassador for your country.
As we always say in these matters, don’t drive after drinking.
