The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
SOME people think being in an open relationship is a simple thing because it will be out of choice, but that’s not the case. An open relationship is self-torture full of heartache. There’s no worse feeling than lying in bed alone knowing your partner is wrapped up in someone’s arms.
Jealousy will always get the better of you and that is when you discover the pain in loving someone who is not exclusively yours. For different reasons, some people choose to be in open relationships trying to escape heartbreak, but gradually it starts to torment them.
Truth be told, it is not easy to share your partner with someone else. If you remember very well during your school days, you did not want your best friend to be very close to someone else, what more your lover? When it comes to intimate relationships, sharing seems not to work at all.
Before you get too attached, it will appear normal to be with him/ her for some time then let him go to meet the other party.
At first it will be fun, but wait until love for each other gets to a certain level. The thought that she has left you to be with someone else, will take away your happiness and peace.
You will wish to have supernatural powers to put someone’s life to an end. This is what we call witchcraft! We have had incidents where people end up killing their rivals after failing to handle the pressure and competition which comes with sharing. It is sad to note that there are some people who get into open relationships knowing their partners are someone’s property, but at a certain stage expect miracles where they come to be the major shareholder. When things fail to fold as expected, they then become bitter and solve the mess by murder or committing suicide.
Setting general rules in your open relationship will not be of any help as well. The common rules are, “No falling in love and always give each other space.” At the beginning these two sound to be the easiest rules, but when love strikes, there is no way you can manage it.
Love grows, so at some point you will break rule number one and once you have done that, you will become too jealous and giving him space will be impossible. Imagining that he is out there, having sex with someone and worse if you suspect they are not using protection, the solution would be to safeguard your territory 24/ 7. If it happens that he manages to escape forcefully, then when you are alone, you will break down as you will be overwhelmed.
When you get to such a point, then you start insulting and blaming yourself for letting that person use you. It really hurts to accuse yourself of being stupid. Of course at some point, you would have had hope that one day you will be the last man/ woman standing next to her/ him after dumping the other party, but when it’s clear it will take forever for a miracle to happen, you will be left nursing heartbreak.
Even when you make a commitment to keep your head in the sand about what the other party is doing in order to limit getting your face rubbed in your partner’s hookups, it also haunts you. When you love, there is no way you can ignore protecting your territory.
Much as we might like to believe otherwise, relationships are fragile and easily damaged by jealousy, dishonesty and betrayal.
Sometimes the damage can be repaired, but a steady stream of behaviours that erode the warm feelings and connection between two people will take a toll.
Jealousy is the one that gets the most attention, but surprise feelings can take all kinds of shapes: anger, fear, sadness, envy, inadequacy. Being in an open relationship means confronting the limits of your relationships and it can be all too easy to start comparing yourself to someone else in your lover’s life. You might feel fine about some aspects of your partner’s relationship with their other lover and then boom, you are emotionally overwhelmed. It is when you realise that an open relationship is not ideal, but self-torture!
Share your views, WhatsApp 0712978471.
