The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
WHEN I have sex with my girlfriend the condom always slips out or stays in her vagina. Is it because my penis is small or am I doing something wrong? — Worried.
Reply
A condom that continuously slips can be frustrating, especially if it keeps killing the mood. Fortunately there are a few things you can troubleshoot to get to the root of the problem. Condom slippage can be caused by a few different factors including condom size (length and width), lubrication, and usage. First off, next time you put on a condom you might want to check the fit. Is the condom snug around the shaft of the penis? Did you roll the condom down all of the way? Is there extra latex hanging or bunched up? They don’t call it a “love glove” for nothing; the condom should not slide around on you while you are sliding in and out of your girlfriend, so make it sure it fits like a glove. Keep in mind that brands and styles of condoms are varied. Perhaps sampling a few to see which ones provide a better fit may be helpful, and fun. Another thing if your girlfriend is using a contraceptive like Depo, it’s possible that vaginal dryness, commonly experienced by women on Depo, could cause a pulling effect on the condom as you and your partner are moving back and forth, to and fro. If this is the case, more lubrication could be required. Another thing to consider is your position during sex. Have you noticed that the condom escapes only when you and your partner are in certain positions? If you are on your back when you make love, for example, would the condom be less likely to come off? Trying a number of positions to see what keeps the condom in place may not only help you diagnose the problem; it could spice up your routine as well. Condoms are made to fit tightly on an erect penis, so another thing to check is whether you are keeping your erection during sex. Erections can come and go which is PERFECTLY NORMAL, by the way; if this is the case, the condom may loosen its grip and slip off. A smaller-sized condom may be appropriate so that you don’t slip out during a lull in erection. Saying and doing things that will maintain arousal during sex may also help in this situation.
Hi Sis Noe
I went to a party and ended up having sex with a woman I have had a crush on for a long time. The problem is that since that day I have not seen her. I think it now seems like all I wanted is sex but the truth is that I love her and I want to spend the rest of my life with her. What can I do? — Worried.
Reply
I am really impressed that you are worried about this, but to be honest I think the problem may be that you have not contacted her. I am not sure why you have not at least called her to say, “Thanks for a great night,” or something like that. So why don’t you do that and ask her out again? Then on that date you can say that you felt bad and I think she will be really pleased, and perhaps you can start over. I am a firm believer of getting to know someone before leaping into bed so see if you can have the self-control to do this from now on. Do not sleep with her until you know what and who she is.
Hi Sis Noe
We got married a month ago. My wife was a virgin and I am proud of that. I thought that our first night together was going to be glorious but the opposite happened. Our honeymoon was a nightmare; she complained that sex was painful. Now she has no desire to have sex. Each time we try to have sex she complains that it’s painful. — Help.
Reply
I am sorry the bliss you expected has not occurred, that is very unfortunate. But know that it’s a common occurrence for some women that if first time sex is an agony their bodies will shut down and their desire for sex will plummet. I believe that your wife was eager to have sex with you before you got married, when you were kissing, cuddling, maybe touching, you heightened her desire for the real thing. When the day arrived maybe you rushed things, you did not spend much time on foreplay. But all is not lost, you can start all over again. Agree that you won’t have full sex until your wife feels ready, but you will do all the things you used to enjoy in your courting days — and maybe a bit more. Kiss, cuddle, touch — explore all the ways you give each other sexual pleasure and satisfaction without having intercourse. I think your wife’s sex drive will return once she is reassured that getting sexy with you won’t involve her having to risk a painful repeat performance of intercourse. In time, when she feels ready, you can start trying intercourse again, but with her initially on top so she feels safe and in control.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 16 dating a 26-year-old guy, I love him because he is caring and loving but the problem now is that my mother does not like him — she says she does not like him as he is not my type but I had promised to marry him. — Frustrated.
Reply
You are too young to be talking about marriage. Seriously, you are too young and most likely you love him for the wrong reasons. You are 16, he is 26, and I can guarantee you that with time you will grow out of the relationship whether you wish to admit it or not. The circumstance of immediately agreeing to a marriage suspiciously sound like it is driven by irrational emotion rather than thoughtful planning and rationality. Spend your early teens exploring relationships and gaining a better understanding of yourself and others, not marrying that pothead. You deserve more than that, don’t you? It is through experiences with a variety of different people that you gather a better understanding of who is in fact the right person for you, not trying to morph one of your first relationships into what you want — which will most likely end in frustration. At 16, the last thing that should be on your mind is wedding bells. Can’t you just enjoy playing the field until you find the right one? This one sounds way too awkward, one sided and you are working too hard for it to be a two-way thing. Your taste in men, perspective on life, and many other things will change dramatically; say even five years from now. So do you really think a guy you pick when you are 16 is going to be one you would pick if you did it all again at 24? I don’t think so. He may also use your age difference as a tool to help his self esteem which may have been battered in whatever the hell happened to him. Since you are younger, he may feel more empowered to do things, such as, blaming you, or using it as a means to justify getting angry easily and so on. Also ask yourself, “Why isn’t he going out with someone his own age?” This is generalising, but there is usually a reason behind it. You really have no idea if he loves you or not. It may be romantic talking about how you want to care for him and be there for him but it all wears off very quickly when you realise you made a blunder. On this one I have to go with your mother, be very careful about this relationship and look at it for what it is.
