The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY friends have had sex with older women and they tell me they have learnt a lot from the experience. Personally I have had sex with women of my age and I don’t think about older women. Is that normal? Should I have sex with an older woman to gain experience? — Curious.
Reply
It sounds like your friends are trying to say that many people believe that there are advantages to a younger man dating an older woman. There are a few historic tales of older women indoctrinating younger men into the world of sexuality. Some of the stories are as ancient as the gods, whereas others are modern love stories of lust. Many believe (and in some cases it may be true) that older women have more sexual experience, that they have a more varied sexual repertoire, and that they will appreciate a youthful admirer. Sexual experience aside, different people are turned on by different things. One way to find out what floats your boat is to try different things, but that’s not the only way. There are plenty of sexual activities (or partners) that you probably don’t need to try in order to anticipate whether or not you’d be into it. It sounds like you know what turns you on, and what you find arousing. If it goes against your grain to be turned on by an older woman, then it makes no sense to try the experience. What works for your friends may not work for you. After all, there are as many different sexual needs and desires as there are people. Most importantly, don’t participate in any sexual activity with which you are not comfortable. There are many other ways to be sexually fulfilled that will be more palatable to your personal taste. If it bothers you that you are not interested in sleeping with this woman (or older women in general), or if you are simply introspective and curious about yourself, it may be worth spending some time thinking about what it is about sleeping with people your age or younger that you find most appealing.
Hi Sis Noe
I am in love with my first cousin but I want to know whether it is really wrong to be with her? I want to marry her but we are afraid people will not understand. — Help.
Reply
By my understanding a first cousin is the daughter or son of an uncle or aunt. To your question — negative reactions to cousins who pair off stem largely from the belief that children from such relationships may have physical and/or mental abnormalities. Newborns with genetic disorders such as spina bifida or cystic fibrosis are more likely to be born of blood relatives because previously unexpressed recessive genes are more likely to appear. First cousins are two-times more likely to bear offspring with a birth defect than children born of couples who don’t share a common grandparent. If cousin couples happen to be carrying known genetic diseases, the risks faced by their offspring can be high. Legally it is a crime to date and to have sex with your first cousin so if you are discovered you might go to jail. Morally its taboo to be with your first cousin, society will frown upon your relationship. You are in an ugly relationship, get out of it now.
Hi Sis Noe
I was drunk and I had a one-night stand at a party with this handsome guy. The problem I have now is that I am stressed that he did not ask for my number. I feel used and cheap. Is it normal to feel this way? — Worried.
Reply
Unfortunately, no strings attached doesn’t always equate to no feelings attached. Whether you feel sad, confused, or even empowered, it is perfectly normal to have different emotions after a one night stand. You may find that engaging in casual sex is not positive for your emotional health. Some people feel that sex is more meaningful or enjoyable if it is with a partner that they are emotionally invested with. Some don’t feel that way. We are different. Self-reflection is key to sorting out your emotions. Asking yourself some important questions can help you move forward. For example, what kind of relationship would you like to have with romantic partners? What role do you think casual sex will play for you in the future? These questions may help you better understand the pros and cons of different sexual situations you may encounter in the future. If the days are flying by and your feelings still linger, remember that sorting out your emotions may take some time. By treating yourself to some quality thinking time, exploring your emotions, and being patient, you can feel confident and balanced again.
Hi Sis Noe
I want to know if it’s possible to get pregnant from that liquid that comes out when a man is aroused. I don’t mean sperms but that colourless liquid that comes out when a penis is erect. — Worried.
Reply
That liquid is called pre-ejaculate or pre-cum in slang. When some men are sexually aroused, pre-cum may be visible as a clear liquid at the tip of the penis. Pre-cum is an alkaline fluid released by the Cowper’s glands, which are located at the top of a man’s urethra, just below the prostate. Pre-cum helps neutralise the urethra’s acidity, protecting sperm that will pass through the urethra during ejaculation. To your questions — yes it is possible to get pregnant from pre-ejaculate under certain circumstances, but the chances are quite low. Pre-cum does not contain sperm — however, sperm left behind from a previous ejaculation come out with the pre-ejaculate, leading to fertilisation. After ejaculation, whether by masturbation or sex with a partner, sperm may be left over in the urethra, the tube that semen travels through. Urinating between ejaculations flushes the urethra of these leftover sperm and clears the way for pre-cum. Even if pregnancy from pre-cum is not an immediate concern, the risk of a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is. Using condoms can help reduce the risk of STI transmission as well as pregnancy.
Hi Sis Noe
I understand there are certain stones that can help a man maintain an erection even after he has ejaculated. Is this true? Is there medication that can sustain an erection throughout ejaculations? — Worried.
Reply
Stones are one of many products designed to help sustain erections. They contain a desensitising substance made from tree sap and other herbs that work in combination to initiate numbing. Stones are not as easy to locate as some other numbing products, because many don’t know about them in Zimbabwe. There are many products on the market similar to stones, including erection lotions, stud spray, and chinabrush, all of which are applied externally and are known for their numbing effects. These numbing substances reduce stimulation and sensation, thereby helping to delay ejaculation. If you are interested in prolonging sex or maintaining an erection for long periods of time, but you are not keen on numbing cream, there are lots of other ideas. For example, you can try the Karezza technique, a practice in which sex goes on for as long as possible without reaching orgasm. Ideally, Karezza sex does not. Another popular technique is to intentionally distract yourself during intercourse with unsexy thoughts to delay orgasm. Perhaps most importantly, consider spending some time thinking about whether or why you want to remain eternally hard. Maintaining an erection for too long can be very painful, especially if creams or medications induce it. But the best advice I can give for you to stay hard is that you should visit your doctor — he or she may have suggestions or medications that may help maintain an erection.
Hi Sis Noe
- My name is Maureen. I am 21 and I am looking for my father Joseph Chigangaidze of Rujeko in Marondera. My mother was Slyvia Mpofu, she passed away in 2002. — 0783 198 251.
- I am a man aged 24 and I need a woman below 22 who is ready to settle down.
- Please connect me with a serious man aged 40 and above who needs a serious relationship. I am 37. The man must have a stable job.
- I am a single lady aged 44 looking for a serious loving man willing to get married. I would prefer a man who is 45 to 55 and gainfully employed.
- I am a 26-year-old man looking for a lady who is aged 20 to 24. She must be ready for marriage.
- I am a mother of one looking for a man to settle down with. I am HIV-positive.
- I am a guy aged 24 looking for a nice, good mannered and God-fearing lady aged 19 to 24.
- I am a 40-year-old man looking for a lady to marry, at least with one kid. She should be aged 24 to 30.
- I am a professional mom of 30 with one kid. Connect me with a single father of 40 and above.
- I am 26 and a mother of one. I am looking for a man who wants a serious relationship. He should be aged 30 to 35.
- I am a 23-year-old lady with two kids looking for a man aged 35 and below.
- I am 35-year-old lady looking for a man aged 40 and above who is ready for marriage.
- I am a man aged 24 and I am looking for a woman aged 18 to 23 for a serious relationship.
- I am a 28-year-old man based in Beitbridge and I am looking for a woman aged 20 to 26 who wants a serious relationship.
- I am a man aged 26 and I live in Bulawayo. I am looking for a lady below 26 who is serious and wants to get married.
- I am a 24-year-old intelligent and beautiful girl doing a degree programme. I am a Bulawayo girl and I am interested in getting in touch with an intelligent single man with a good job aged 30 to 40 who wants to settle down.
Call or WhatsApp for the details of the above people. Don’t send an SMS.
