The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
WHEN I orgasm, I fart uncontrollably. It is embarrassing to me and now I don’t even enjoy orgasms as much. Is there a way to stop it? — Worried.
Reply
Farting when you have an orgasm, or at any time during a sexual encounter, can seem like a very unsexy thing to do. Or at least it can if the ideal image you have of sex comes from the movies, romance novels, or even most sex education material.
When we see sex depicted, it’s usually either highly glamourised and glossy or clinical, but precise. Neither of these is real. Sex with someone else always has the potential to be a comedy of errors or at least a bumbling mess. Getting any two bodies together, naked, and moving around, unless you have practised the choreography for hours, is going to be imprecise and imperfect. This might not make you feel any better but it’s something to keep in mind. Great sex can be messy and sometimes noisy too. The first thing to do is figure out what exactly is happening. The moment of orgasm is a busy time and there is so much going on that unless you’re paying attention, you might not realise where this noise and wind is coming from. Are you experiencing farting or flatulence during an orgasm, where gas is being released from the anus? Or are you experiencing that other body response that people are often embarrassed about — what some refer to as vaginal farting (queefing), which happens when air is released from the vagina during sex? When that happens, it can sound like anal flatulence, but it is not.
My advice to you is view the situation as something funny, or at least a side effect of having a very good time. There is nothing wrong with a body responding this way, it’s just that some of us do and some of us don’t.
Hi Sis Noe
My parents want me to break up with my girlfriend because she is a single mother. I love her a lot and I want to marry her.
She is everything I’ve ever wanted. — Worried.
Reply
Your parents are dead wrong and don’t ever let them convince you otherwise. Never make such decisions to satisfy others, parents included. If this girl makes you feel like a superstar, rock on. What have the discussions with your parents entailed?
Are they simply emotionally charged debates and screaming matches; or have you honestly had a mature discussion highlighting the values and positive attributes of your girlfriend? You need to determine what their negative perceptions are, and build a strategy around conquering them. To me it sounds like a childish argument — being a single mother does not make one a bad person. While you don’t give a damn about all that, talking nicely to your parents, showing them the virtues of your girlfriend may lessen their disapproval, as you will be speaking to them in terms they appreciate. Then if they give in a little, hopefully they will realise she is not some classless loose woman, but in fact a pleasant person who brings you happiness. The incredible part of all this, is that your parents’ opinion of your girlfriend most likely stems from insecurities and concerns of their own status in society. A real learning experience for you, and a lesson in life you can take away to enhance and improve your own life and how you treat and view others. You keep enjoying this girl man, it really is a challenge to find someone who truly brings happiness.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend has a problem, he is not circumcised. I don’t want to have sex with him because of that. His uncircumcised penis turns me off but he does not want to get circumcised. What can I do about this problem of his? I want him to be circumcised. — Starved.
Reply
It’s your problem, not his. If the look of your vagina did not please him would you want him to recoil in disgust or appreciate you for who you are? Your strong reaction to the inch or so of skin that is supposed to be there indicates you have immaturity issues. Suggesting he should get cut to accommodate those stunning insecurities of yours is an absurd notion, and in no way considers what such a procedure would put your partner through. Undergoing a circumcision when newly-born is one thing, but as an adult it’s a totally different ballgame. You may not realise this (the health benefits of circumcision aside), it is very common for men not to be circumcised. While this may be your first encounter with someone who has not been circumcised, you really need to adjust your thinking to the fact that it probably won’t be your last. Instead of seeing it as something intolerable, you need to be in the frame of mind that it’s natural and completely normal. Take some time to mentally re-evaluate your initial impression of his penis, which may have been of shock. That shock then festered into a downward spiral that has led to where you are now — a mess. Let your mind take some time to digest the situation again and the fact that his uncircumcised tool doesn’t pose a threat to you. It really is a miniscule detail that you can either ignore, or if you let yourself, turn into an overblown crisis. Don’t put him on a guilt trip over this; instead put some much needed time and effort into internally resolving this yourself. He will get circumcised when he wants.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend does not want me to check his WhatsApp to see if he is cheating or not cheating on me. What should I do? What if he is seeing some other girls and I don’t know? — Worried.
Reply
Respect his privacy, in fact, you have no right whatsoever to go through his phone. An ounce of maturity on your part would go a long way in sustaining your relationship. I can tell that your boyfriend always has to justify his social interaction with anyone who is not you. This suffocating environment will inevitably drive him away from you, not closer to you. Yes, you heard me right, your meddling will only fuel exactly what you are trying to prevent. Insecurity breeds more insecurity. The more you fester over what your man is up to, the more it will consume you. Ultimately, insecure people that easily become consumed with jealousy meet people that play on those insecurities. Ever wonder why you always seem to choose “aloof” boyfriends that you find difficult to trust? It’s because your insecurities are choosing them for you. Take a long hard look at your past and present relationship, see the pattern? Basically, the less you worry, the more peaceful everything becomes. You don’t own him, so let him off the leash and trust him until he proves you otherwise.
SOULMATES
I am a 31-year-old guy searching for a mature woman aged 25 to 42 to date. She should be based in Bulawayo and HIV-negative. Thank you.
I’m a 47-year-old widow looking for a widowed or single man who is aged between 47 and 57.
I am a guy aged 20, looking for a beautiful lady who is honest, faithful, loving and caring. She should be aged 18 to 20.
I am 30, can you hook me up with a mature lady from around Bulawayo. She must be 40-45 years for fun and friendship.
Thank you.
I am a 32-year-old guy looking for a single Seventh Day Adventist lady aged 23-28. I am HIV-negative and ready to settle.
I am a lady age 23 with two kids, I am looking a single man who is aged between 30-39 — a Christian.
I am a 52-year-old lady. I am lonely; I need a man who is aged 54 to 60.
I am a woman aged 28, looking for a guy aged 29 to 34. I want a man who is a Christian.
I am 29-year-old lady looking for a man who is aged 35 to 45. I am HIV-positive.
I am a 25-year-old man looking for a lady aged 18 to 23 in Bulawayo.
I am an HIV-negative guy aged 28. I am looking for a lady aged 22 and above.
I am a woman aged 32 and I have four kids. I am looking for a man who is aged 40 to 50, who is employed and has his own children.
Good day, please help me find the love of my life — a single woman to settle down with, who is mature and in her early 30s in Bulawayo. I am a 37-year-old man with two children.
I need your help. I am a lady aged 39, looking for a widower to marry aged 40-45 who is serious ngomuzi. The man should be in Matabeleland South. I have two kids.
Can you connect me to a serious searching single lady once married with one or two kids, aged 35 and below? I am 42, divorced with two kids, a boy and a girl. I live in Kwekwe.
I am a 23-year-old lady staying in Harare, I am HIV-negative. I would like to meet a working Christian man who is aged 26-30.
Reply
For the numbers of the above people WhatsApp the number 0773111328, calls will not be entertained. If you are not on WhatsApp messenger your request should include airtime for you to get a response.
