The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM in a relationship with a woman I love but I am in a dilemma. There is this woman at work who wants to sleep with me even though she knows I am in a serious relationship. Should I sleep with her? — Tempted.
Reply
Show me a guy that hasn’t had similar thoughts of poking some hot woman at work and I will show you a liar. Seriously though, look at the situation, you are in a relationship that is serious, you two are having a great time, why mess it up? If she gets bonked by some a guy that she works with, you would be pretty pissed wouldn’t you? Well, it’s a two-way street buddy. If you want to go around getting busy with people at work, maybe you should not be in a relationship, or at least not a serious one. You risk losing a great relationship for a piece of female meat. If you get busy with her once, it will happen again and again and before you know it, the whole thing will turn into one big ugly mess. Don’t think for a second you won’t get caught, it will slip eventually man. My suggestion to you is either, enjoy the time you have with her at work, or say game over to your current relationship and let the party begin.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been in a Facebook relationship with this guy from Harare for a month now. He is coming to Bulawayo in April to see me. He was going to sleep at his relative’s place but I suggested that he sleeps at a hotel so that we have sex. I know he loves me because I talk to his mother and sister over the phone every week. Do you think I am too fast to suggest we have sex? He is not the one who suggested, it was me. — Confused.
Reply
When I look at this, I can’t help but to worry that you are one of those suckers that get caught up too much on an Internet relationship. I would seriously be very careful about suggesting sex to a guy you met on Facebook — a guy you know nothing about. You may think because you have had all these magical chats and phone calls with him that you know every intricate detail about him, but you definitely don’t. He could be a lunatic and is just being a sweet caring guy on the phone to reel you in. I suggest that you be in the company of friends when you meet him for the first time. People can be good when you are chatting with them on Facebook but something else when you come face to face. Talking to his mother and sister means nothing — it is never a sign that a guy is serious. Rethink your decision to have sex — it is not a good idea, for now anyway.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend of three years is going on a trip to Victoria Falls for a week with his friends and I am afraid he will cheat on me there so I don’t want him to go. What if he finds someone there? These thoughts are killing me even though he has never cheated on me. What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
What should you do??? Tell him to “have a good time on his trip” as you kiss him goodbye! It can be very easy in a situation like this to let your imagination, fuelled by insecurity and dependency, run away from you and blow the whole thing way out of proportion. Before you know it, this trip has been recreated down to the finest level of detail in your head (before it has even happened, of course) into a giant drunken orgy starring your boyfriend and loose women. However, you need to get a grip and look at it for what it really is and decide if the threat in your mind is for real or not. There is nothing complicated about this. Your boyfriend has decided to have a trip with the guys – period. Why would you think for even a moment that your boyfriend would change his patterns of behaviour over night? He has been committed to you for over THREE YEARS.
Doesn’t that give you a hint that he has dedicated himself to you? It doesn’t appear that he has ever given you a reason to doubt his faithfulness to you before. Why would he blow three years of a good thing on some week-long drunken fling? If they had women going on the trip, I could see cause for alarm, but it’s just a bunch of guys doing guy stuff. Trust is a major component in a long term relationship, it sounds like he is a responsible person, so be a good girl and trust him. You need to remind yourself that you love him, he loves you and some out of town chick is not going to stand between that. It could even be that this time away actually brings the two of you closer!
What can you do to help yourself through this? Ask him to call you a couple of times during the trip and let you know everything is ok. You will know from his voice and what he says everything is just fine. But don’t turn it into an over-the-phone interrogation! Just ask him how everything is and whether the trip is going well. Also, do your own stuff! Get the girls together for some fun — you don’t have to miss out on having a good time. If you sit at home every night brewing over all the things your boyfriend “could be” doing, you will drive yourself nuts! He is going to do what he is going to do whether you worry about it or not, so why worry? Don’t forget it goes both ways, he could possibly be thinking the same way about you! Now you think, “Well I would never do those things to him!”, so why are you worried about him doing them to you?
