The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
WHEN I have sex with my girlfriend the condom always slips out or stays in her organ. Is it because my organ is small or am I doing something wrong? — Worried.
Reply
A condom that continuously slips can be frustrating, especially if it keeps killing the mood. Fortunately, there are a few things you can troubleshoot to get to the root of the problem. Condom slippage can be caused by a few different factors including condom size (length and width), lubrication, and usage. Firstly, next time you put on a condom you might want to check the fit. Is the condom snug around the shaft of the male organ? Did you roll the condom down all of the way? Is there extra latex hanging or bunched up?
They don’t call it a “love glove” for nothing; the condom should not slide around on you while you are sliding in and out of your girlfriend, so make it sure it fits like a glove. Keep in mind that brands and styles of condoms are varied. Perhaps sampling a few to see which ones provide a better fit may be helpful, and fun. Another thing, if your girlfriend is using a contraceptive like Depo, it’s possible that vaginal dryness, commonly experienced by women on Depo, could cause a pulling effect on the condom as you and your partner are moving back and forth, to and fro.
If this is the case, more lubrication could be required. Another thing to consider is your position during sex. Have you noticed that the condom escapes only when you and your partner are in certain positions? If you are on your back when you make love, for example, would the condom be less likely to come off? Trying a number of positions to see what keeps the condom in place may not only help you diagnose the problem; it could spice up your routine as well. Condoms are made to fit tightly on an erect male organ, so another thing to check is whether you are keeping your erection during sex.
Erections can come and go which is PERFECTLY NORMAL, by the way); if this is the case, the condom may loosen its grip and slip off. A smaller-sized condom may be appropriate so that you don’t slip out during a lull in erection. Saying and doing things that will maintain arousal during sex may also help in this situation.
Hi Sis Noe
I have been having sex with my husband for a year now. The problem is that he has a very thick and long organ which makes sex painful. How can I stop the pain for me to enjoy the sex? — In pain.
Reply
There is absolutely nothing wrong with you. This is not your problem. It’s a problem that the two of you need to figure out together.
Communication and creativity are the two main ingredients in working toward a solution that satisfies both of you. Contrary to popular belief, that “the bigger the penis the better”, intercourse with a well-endowed man can be challenging. For some penetration causes pain.
You mention pain when your husband tries to penetrate you fully. The discomfort may be due to the head of his penis hitting your cervix.
Regardless of penis size, sensual touching is essential before penetration as it allows enough time for arousal as well as vaginal lubrication. For some women, a dab of water-based lube can make a huge difference. Different positions sometimes help, too. As you experiment and play, tell one another how you feel, what is uncomfortable, and what feels good. This doesn’t mean carrying out a full conversation while having sex; simple words like “deeper” or “not so deep”, “gently” or “harder”, “faster” or “slower” are usually enough to get the point across and make sex more enjoyable for both of you.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 21 and my boyfriend is 27. He wants to marry me but I am not ready for marriage. I love him and he does too but I just feel like this isn’t the right time for marriage. What should I do? — Worried.
Reply
In all seriousness, if you feel like you are not ready for marriage yet and your boyfriend’s proposal freaked you out, then you really need to have a discussion with him about your ideal time-frame. And make sure you two are on the same page or, at the very least, aware of what road you are walking. Marriage is a scary thing, for sure.
Getting married is a big deal, and it’s okay to feel overwhelmed by the idea. In fact, I would have been more concerned about you if you told me you are going into it without a thought. If you know in your heart that you are with the right person and you know you want to marry him one day, then I don’t see the reason to worry too much about feeling scared or freaked out about making it real. Talking all this over with your boyfriend will help. Tell him that you are not ready; I don’t know how you will do that. But, as long as you tell your boyfriend that your feelings are only because you take your love for him and your commitment to marriage so seriously, and not because you doubt your choice. But . . . on the flip side, if your feelings are because you doubt your choice, then, obviously, you need to be truthful about that first to yourself and then to him before you agree to marriage. Listen to your heart; it probably won’t lead you astray.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 18 and my boyfriend is 21, he is always comparing me to his ex-girlfriend and this is causing tension between us though I love him I am thinking of dumping him, what should I do? — Worried.
Reply
I’m sorry, your boyfriend may be great in every other way and perhaps at another time, he could be a good match for you. But now he just is not emotionally available to be your boyfriend. He has got lingering stuff he needs to work out, and I am afraid if you stay in the relationship, you are going to get tangled up in mess you simply don’t have the experience to fairly get out of. It’s still early enough to gracefully bow out with your heart still intact. Simply explain to him the relationship is not working for you, that you feel you are not truly being appreciated for who you are, but you wish him well and hope he can get the closure from his past relationship if he needs to move on and have a successful relationship in the future. Trust me; you will be doing both of you a huge favour. But on the other hand if he is talking about her being fatally flawed then there is nothing wrong with that. I am one of those people who don’t see anything wrong in bringing up the name of my ex for one simple and obvious reason:
They belong to the past. There is a reason I am not with them and whether they dumped me or I dumped them, it amounts to the same thing:
The case is closed. And if I am in a committed relationship and I want my boyfriend to really understand me, he needs to hear my crazy stories. This is my history; this is my rocky path, my life. The mere concept that I should not mention how crazy this ex was, or how devotedly misguided I was; is silly. But again, I am not pining for them, putting them up on a pedestal, or talking to them four times a day. I am sharing a very important part of my past, like talking about the way I was in high school. These are the facts; I hope you choose to accept them.
