The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I AM 22 and I have a son. My husband is always blocking me to visit him at his workplace only to realise that he was cheating on me after I visited him. He has another wife who is pregnant. When I asked him about this he apologised. Is he genuine in his apology? — Doubtful
Reply
Sometimes the people we hold most dear in our lives hurt us so bad that it becomes difficult to forgive them. But if you love him don’t fool yourself that you are going to leave him, just accept that he wronged you and move on with your life. Love him even when it hurts. But if you cannot forgive him then you need to leave him because your marriage will never be the same again. He probably didn’t want you to see what he was up to because he did not want you to get hurt. Only you can tell whether he is genuine or not. The only thing I can tell you is to listen to your heart. If your heart tells you to cling on then cling on, if it tells you to leave then leave.
Hi Sis Noe
I’m 23 and she is 17. She loves me and I love her too but she is confused because her ex keeps on calling her. Is she cheating on me? — Worried.
Reply
If she loves you why then is she allowing her ex to call her with the intention of them getting back together? She is allowing him to call because she wants him to call. You are right, she is confused because she is torn apart between two men who are competing for her attention. I cannot say that she is cheating but I can say that she is not being honest. If she wants to be with you then she should be with you, if she wants to be with her ex then let her be with her ex. Do not allow her to give you vague excuses on why she is entertaining this guy. If he really belongs in the past then he should stay in the past.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 26, in love with a 21-year-old lady but the issue is that she communicates with her ex despite the fact that I told her several times not to. On Saturday I slapped her after she lied to me when she had been seen with her ex. Sometimes she shows signs of change then she starts again.
I love her and she loves me but what can I do to influence her behaviour in a non-violent way such that she will understand me. I am thinking of dumping her but it might not be in line with my heart because deep down I love her. — PLEASE HELP.
Reply
Some people believe that ex-lovers can become friends but I am not one of them because there is a danger that that extinguished flame might re-ignite again. But that’s me and if anyone is offended out there by what I am about to say, you are free to object. First it was wrong for you to beat her because violence is not a solution. It’s a cowardly way of doing things. Talk to her and tell her that you are not comfortable with her entertaining her ex and if she really loves you she will stop. But if she persists then you need to make a sacrifice and let your heart bleed by leaving her. You will endure unbearable pain but you will get better in time.
Hi Sis Noe
I am a lady aged 20 and my problem is that every time I have boyfriends they have sex with me and after that they dump me bonke. I am trying to avoid it but I can’t. — Please help.
Reply
Treat yourself like a horse and men will ride you and leave you. You need to stop opening your legs for every guy that tells you he loves you because that is just a gimmick for you to let down your guard. Your history of being easy got around and now every guy who approaches you wants one thing and one thing only — to unload and leave. You need to respect and love yourself before you love a man. Loving yourself will see you attracting the right kind of man, a man who will love you for you not for what you were. Take some time off this dating game and list down the things that you want in a relationship. See were you were going wrong and correct your mistakes. Do a self analysis and trust me, you will come out a changed woman.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 30 with no kids. Will I have problems when I give birth to my first child at my age? — Worried.
Reply
Planning to have a baby is one of the most important decisions of your life. Unfortunately these days that is a decision which keeps getting postponed ever so often that eventually you realise that you are 30 and now time is running out. It is true that the risks of having a baby after 30 tend to multiply. A woman starts producing eggs at 12 and usually stops at 45 and the quality of the eggs deteriorate with each passing year. Also the risk of miscarriage increases with each passing year and especially if you are 30 and over. But, do not worry, you are not over the hill yet, at 30 you have every chance of delivering a healthy baby as chances of not are one to a thousand.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 19 and he is 26. My problem is that when I have sex with my boyfriend I start bleeding for some days. Please help me am worried. — Worried.
Reply
If you bleed after sex and you are not on your period see a doctor. If you have abnormal bleeding or spotting between periods than that could be a symptom of an STI and needs to be looked at. Although it is scary to think about, ignoring the problem could make things a lot worse. Bleeding after sex with your partner could be caused by a number of reasons ranging from a side effect of the contraception pill if you are on one to a naturally virus known as HPV which causes cervical cancer. Any abnormal bleeding must be looked at. See a doctor.
