Hi Sis Noe
MY sister-in-law hates me and she does not hide it. She mistreats me but my husband ignores what she does to me. He does not even tell her to stop. She likes embarrassing me when we have family gatherings but my husband says she will be joking. — Worried.
It would be easy for me to say, “You must tell your husband that his loyalty is to you,” and once upon a time I would have. But real life has shown it doesn’t really work like that. I’m sure his loyalty is to you, but in that moment, surrounded by family, he probably takes the path of least resistance.
He may also be right; it may be his sister’s attempt at a joke, however, gauche it sounds. You don’t give me any examples of things your sister-in-law has actually said, and I thought that was quite telling. I understand about stings in comments — I have suffered a few.
But you may want to look at what nerve this hits, because taking it seriously hints at a deeper wound. I am interested to know what your own sibling relationship is or was like. But, really, if you want to try to fix this, then there is only one thing to do: you and she need to talk (converse, not confront).
She may well find you annoying, superior, competitive, any manner of things that make her feel (albeit erroneously) that she has to take you down a peg or two. And certain patterns get set in families, laid out on misunderstandings. You could break all that. It won’t be easy, but it’s an incredibly powerful thing to do, not least it tells her you have noticed her behaviour, which may be enough to stop it.
Hi Sis Noe
My wife is boring in bed. She only has sex with me when she wants. I have tried to talk to her about this but she does not listen to me. In fact, we do not communicate at all. I have tried to spice things up but it all ended up in failure. I am tempted to cheat but I haven’t, I cheated on her years ago and to this day I regret it. — Help.
What I think you mean is that all forms of communication are not leading to the sort of sex you want. And while that is important to you, you need to be honest about that, because this could be the key to your wife’s resistance to talk. Because you have done everything that would normally be suggested, we need to look at why your wife is resisting.
It could be because she doesn’t think there is a problem and doesn’t want to rock the boat. She could be uninterested and if that is the case, sorry. She may not like what you are saying, or how you are saying it. Or she could be angry. And you constantly asking actually gives her power, so it is a form of control.
It could be the infidelity from years ago. Is all your communication about sex? What are you saying to her and how? Nowhere in your letter did you say what your wife wanted, or if you had even asked her. It is very much all about you and what you are not getting. I think you need to start listening, even if it is to the silence.
If she really is not saying anything then I am afraid you do need to consider your future and whether it is with her. While I would never advocate such a move unless you are serious, maybe it is when you are at that point that the control will shift back to you, and your wife may start talking.
Hi Sis Noe
I am 35 years old and I think my small penis has ruined my life. I don’t have a girlfriend and I am afraid to date. At work I keep to myself after everyone laughed at me after one ex-girlfriend who I work with told everyone that I have a small penis. I avoid using the urinay because I don’t want to be laughed at. I am stressed. — Stressed.
Surely you can’t blame your penis for everything that has gone wrong in your life. I urge you to start by tackling the depression — by talking to someone — I think this may be of more use to you than worrying about your third leg.
I think you should get your emotional health looked at: talk to your GP or find a counsellor, someone you can safely talk to, to try to undo some of your past and make sense of it. But I do wonder about the accuracy of your description of your penis size. After all, this woman wanted to hurt you — penises come in all shapes and sizes.
You mentioned only one woman who complained about the size of your penis — the question is — did all of them complain or it was just this woman? Are you single because all the women laughed at the size of your penis? I think not. Have you stopped to consider that it could be this woman with a huge vagina? Personally, I don’t subscribe to this genitalia obsession — your penis is fine and I am sure in the past it satisfied some women. You will find someone who will appreciate it.
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