The Sunday News
Yoliswa Dube, Sunday Life Reporter
“WHY must it be my job to buy her airtime, pay for her hair and nails?” is a question men ask themselves over a drink with the boys.
Of course they can’t ask their women directly because it would seem like they are being stingy or tight-fisted.
They fear to be judged as being less of a man if they don’t oblige their women’s financial demands.
But should your relationship crumble because your boyfriend can’t afford to buy you Brazilian or Peruvian hair? Can you afford it yourself? If you can’t — why must he?
More and more women continue to use their men’s ability to buy them airtime or pay for their hair appointment to determine how serious or committed they are to the relationship.
If he’s buying airtime, it can’t be anything less than $5 otherwise he’s cheap and doesn’t love her enough.
Love is measured against monetary value such that if a man can’t afford to pay for his woman’s manicure every two weeks — they might find themselves in the singles league quicker than anyone can say Jack Robinson.
But whose standards are these — that a man who is not your husband — must take over all your financial obligations?
“You buy stuff and do everything for this girl but the airtime is used to invite other guys and you get nothing. Uyab’ ungumfana wenkomo nje, amadoda sithwele nzima sibili,” commented Innocent Mlingwa on social networking site Facebook.
Petty financial demands have caused women to be labelled all sorts of names, adding to the long list of socially constructed ideologies emanating from a patriarchal society.
Another user, Norbert Muleya said, “They’ll eat you alive, mark my words,” further affirming that an increasing number of women have comfortably classified themselves as gold diggers.
Some women have added toiletries to the list, making it the man’s responsibility to replenish their toiletry bags but one can’t help wondering whether or not these are elements of personal grooming which should be no one else’s responsibility.
While others may argue that the focus should be on bigger, more important things — relationships continue to break down over $2 airtime, $200 hair and $20 nails. n
One Edith Gummie said, “That is taking care of the family, it’s part and parcel of the deal. It’s just about you managing your roles and responsibilities. Period. For the record; pads and roll-on are his thing too if you are his wife.”
She quickly qualified her sentiments saying this applies to married couples and not those at the dating stage.
She added, “He applied for that position permanently, yes, it’s his job, and those are my standards which by the way were made clear from the get go.”
Gummie said once people get married, they should cease to spend money independently.
“Let me break it down more clearly. Once you commit more permanently like one does when they get married, the ideal set up is there to cease being a scenario where there’s “my money” or “my responsibilities”, they’re ours. He should at the back of his mind be aware of these needs, big or small. In this day and age, there’s nothing like he’ll buy the house while I get the groceries, we pool in resources and spend from there towards what may even seem like the most insignificant thing. That’s what keeps relationships going and strong. It makes both of us aware and more in-sync. That’s just how I see it and it works for me,” she said.
Men acknowledge no woman wants a broke man but also seek consideration from their partners.
“I’d prefer buying pads and roll-on, even lingerie instead of synthetic hair and nails. At least that’ll be a non-verbal act that’ll help me get closer to my objective. Women can dump you over $2 zvichinzi wakawomera even usina the $2. I’ve concluded that hapana mukadzi anoda murume murombo. Umyanga vele katholi umfazi omuhle. Women though don’t want to be open about the issue of wealth, they pretend like they don’t care about money or sex. When you marry her, that’s when she starts demanding money and sex daily,” said Mlingwa.
Many might agree that it is a pleasant gesture for a man to treat his woman now and again but whether or not he does should not be the basis of the relationship.
Such rocky foundations are what continue to escalate the country’s divorce rates and incidents of gender-based violence.
Another Facebook user Kimberly Kute said men should not be expected to pay for their women’s hair and nails.
“It’s never his responsibility. It should not be expected that he does so. This is something a man himself can and should decide for himself if he wants to do for the woman in his life (girlfriend or wife). If for example his wife is not employed and is a stay at home mum — she should be given a monthly stipend to take care of her personal things, be it shopping, getting hair done etc. If it’s a girlfriend who isn’t employed for whatever reason, she must find a job. Be financially secure and take care of yourself. If not, am sure there are some family members that are financially able to support you — so save your pocket money,” said Kute.
If the said boyfriend wants to help, she said, he can.
“But it’s not his responsibility. Girls should be so empowered that they shouldn’t wait for a man to take care of their personal needs all the time,” said Kute.
Twitter: @Yolisswa
