The Sunday News
THE world is evolving as elders often preach about how girls should not be used by men and get cheated into having sex, and how girls should not allow their boyfriends to “use” them as they must wait until they are married. Well, news flash, girls can hit it and quit it too, these days some girls actually want sex, sometimes not even for money but simply for their own satisfaction.
A couple of weeks ago a certain young man wrote to me asking for advice because he felt he was being used by a girl who only texts or calls when she wants some sex before disappearing and resurfacing when she wants more. So the next time you are having a talk with the girls do not only warn them against being used but warn them about using men too.
Do men and women speak the same language when it comes to sex? Sometimes I wonder because society had a strictly enforced moral code. Society sometimes view the girl child through hazy lenses because they have certain beliefs about what a woman can or cannot do, but times are different, nowadays young women have become more assertive and know what they want sexually, I am not encouraging young girls to go out and hit it but the sad fact is even if we do not talk about it they still do it. For a long time I wanted to avoid talking about sex among unmarried people but I have just realised that the subject is real.
Men’s way of using sex is competitive, reflecting their general interest in acquiring and maintaining status whereas women’s use of sex is co-operative, reflecting their preference for equality and harmony. These differences routinely lead to “miscommunication” between the sexes, with each sex misinterpreting the other’s intentions. This causes problems in contexts where men and women regularly interact, and especially in sexual relationships.
I have had friends that are not interested in the roller coaster type of relationships but have sexual needs they want to satisfy and they have booty calls too in the form of an ex who knows how to do it right or at times they just want to try it out with some candy that would have appealed to their eyes.
For these women sex is about getting sexual satisfaction and nothing else; it’s just about getting it on and no emotional strings. They just use men to fulfil their sexual needs seeing as it may that it is what they are good for. This should remind us that the relationship between the sexes is not about difference, but also about power.
The long-standing expectation that women will serve and care for others is not unrelated to their position as the “second sex”. The fact that we (still) live in a male-dominated society is like an elephant in the room that everyone pretends not to notice. Some women have decided to take control of their sexual lives. I mean why wait to feel used when you too can use what has to be used and pack it away until the next time you need to use it again. I personally think its way old-fashioned for a girl to mop around because they feel used and all that soapie stuff. If you are feeling used then run as fast as you can do not wait around to be used again.
So guys please do not complain about being used too just read between the lines and know what you are good for, if its only in between the sheets it’s up to you to stay or just walk away. A girl who is really into you will communicate regularly but if she is in it for sex and pops-over only when she is feeling frisky and knows that you will quench her desires. If the sight of her name on your caller ID surprises you, chances are, this is a sex only situation, so do not get any ideas about long-term but rather you keep it at sex-calling each other.
A sure in-it-for-the-sex-only sign is when your woman only reaches out to you after hours, also known as a “booty-call”, when the day is done and quite possibly last call has been shouted. Although she calls for you sweetly on the other end of the phone, perhaps begging for your hot body, just know that you might be on a long list of lovelies, who can satisfy her sexual cravings for the evening.
You two speak one language which is sex and that’s it. If you think hard about it, you may know everything about how she likes “it” but you have no clue where her parents live or who they are, what she wanted to be when she grew up, the food that she likes or you do not even know if she can cook, and if she has a middle name. There is lots of moaning and groaning in between the sheets and pep talk, but no chatter about work, family, friends, problems, triumphs and all.
A woman, who presents herself as a sexual showpiece, should be respected and treated that way. She knows what she wants and will come to the table at the very beginning with just the ability to blow you away in the bedroom sometimes you do not have to play like a virgin, you just need to offer more.
There are hundreds of different things that prompt our decision to say “yes” to this particular person but “no” to that one. It is much more interesting to ask why we are trying to define desire across an entire species by using this one limited sexual option. Presumably I, and all the rest of the women, can now simply pick and choose whom we want to have sex with and with little to no effort on our part entice them into bed, orgasm ourselves rigid, and frolic forever in our sexual paradise.
- Till next week let’s keep talking email [email protected]
