The Sunday News
AT some point in your life, you have probably heard someone say that girls always get emotionally attached after sex. Well, I am guessing it could be true and I want to believe that special moment is hidden and buried as special in a woman’s heart for a life time. So naturally the fact that women can not have sex without falling in love, becoming attached and obsessive, or getting hurt could be true to a certain extent. Many teenage girls sleep with guys because they are trying to find love, to find self-worth.
Being sexually active can mean different things to different people, and can include different activities with partners that are the opposite sex, the same sex, or both. Virginity is differently evaluated in different cultures. In some it merely refers to a state of never having sexual intercourse while in others it may be inseparable from notions of purity and honour. At its most simple, losing your virginity implies having sex for the first time.
A virgin is usually defined as someone who has never engaged in sexual intercourse. Before engaging in sex for the first time, consider your reasons for doing so. Are you doing it under some kind of pressure from your peers, your partner or to make someone happy? If you are unsure about the rightness of the act or worried about reactions from your family, pastor or friends, just hold yourself back. It is your body and your decision and you have every right to take all the time in the world to go about it.
Sexual intercourse for the first time should be an act of pleasure, love and trust — see if that is how you are feeling right now.
If not, the act is likely to leave you with unpleasant memories and regrets. Decide to go for it only when you feel completely ready and not before that.
It seems the time after a first sexual experience is unique in many ways. You may find yourself experiencing conflicting emotions of love, relief, guilt and even a little regret. Remember that you have lost your virginity and it is perfectly natural to celebrate and mourn that loss at the same time so staying pure is the best way to save yourself heartache.
This week our column is from a young lady who lost her virginity and got more than what she had bargained for.
I lost my virginity, it was with a man who I had known for two years and had very strong feelings for, and he had promised me the world and had declared his undying love for me. He did and said all the right things and promised me the world including marriage. I told him about my plans to stay pure until my wedding night. We often discussed our expectations and desires for our future. So we met up a few times a week for that full two years to hook up and have some alone time.
One night we got rather carried away and we had sex, it was nothing like I wanted it. I wanted my first time to be really special, but it was not. I wanted my first time to be a celebration of our love; I had a lot of plans for my first time.
A year has passed, and now the man I did it with, the man I gave my heart to, the man I wanted to spend all my happy days with turned his back on me and quickly moved on with his life. Right after we did it, he started going out with another girl and I was so confused. I had sex with him, my feelings did grow stronger, and now I am always upset because I do not understand how someone can take something so special and then move on with their life as if nothing happened. I wish I could go back in time and change everything, but I cannot.
I cry when I see him with his new woman and I even lose sleep over him, he took a precious part of me and never valued it. I have been thinking about him lately and I can not just forget about him. I gave him my heart and soul and all he did was throw it in the trash.
I was there for him, I knew how he ticked, I was his longest relationship and I loved him regardless of how heavy his baggage was. I just felt like I put in more effort than he did. I tried to fix our relationship, when we fought or disagreed about anything.
He never tried, all he did was stop talking to me, like he is doing. now I put a lot of effort to stick it out with him.
I have this connection that I can not break when I do try to forget him, I just get sad again. The thing is, sometimes I always think he just used me and I feel like a worthless person. I gave him everything I had, I loved him and I only wanted to make him happy but instead he left me with a broken heart.
My heart bleeds because this man took away my virginity in every sense of my life, first verbally and then in reality. Clearly, we both were attracted towards each other, but the ‘‘what’’ made all the difference. I was overwhelmed and thrilled about how we had managed to stay pure for two years and still felt attracted to each other, I thought it was destiny.
He made me feel special and knew all the right things to say and his moves were fairly above-average. He was sometimes a difficult person but I was happy to meet and give in to his demands. I relied on him emotionally and I thought he liked me as much as I did but I guess he was just that great at acting.
I feel so hurt right now, it is like someone stabbed me a million times. I have this weird feeling in my stomach and it makes it hard for me to breathe. There are days when I can not sleep, eat or think straight. I never imagined him leaving me, sometimes I replay everything from our happy days and I can not help but cry. Everything was a lie, my hopes, dreams and aspirations were all a lie.
I remember the little things we did for each other and I can not bring myself to accept that he left me after taking my virginity.
I do not know and I am not sure if I will be okay, a year is long enough for one to recover but I still struggle with the pain I carry each day of my life. I regret my moment of weakness but I do not regret loving him because my heart chose him for me.
Getting through a breakup is as much a physical process as an emotional one. Remember that, and know that it will get easier.
Keep going. You will get there someday and in the mean time continue to share your heartbreaking stories with us. Email [email protected]
