The Sunday News
Love Sex & Money
THIS week we were talking marriage and how people sometimes want out as soon as they say “I do” this is mainly because people marry for the wrong reasons. Marriage is a “till-death-do-us-part” commitment, it ought to be approached from a joyous, yet cautiously sincere and sober point. Marriage should be embraced for wise reasons, not foolish ones, let us reflect momentarily upon some of the sudden motives that lend themselves to the abandon of some, who rush headlong into marriage.
The institution of marriage often falls short of its promise. Marriage is designed to be at least in modern Western times a structure to foster and secure loving feelings to enhance each other’s life. On a practical note, it is also intended as a foundation for family structure and to facilitate and expedite our life experience. Certainly we might agree that the purpose of marriage ought to be to enhance one’s life. Yet this supposition meets with an incredible rate of disappointment, if not outright failure. Ironically, marriage often becomes the justification for people’s unhappiness.
Some marry for financial security and I personally think it is an important thing to consider when tying the knot but then again this too will be a topic for another week. All of us have heard those exotic stories where people end up getting frustrated and wanting out, there are those who enter marriage to escape a miserable or boring domestic situation. Late adolescence is a difficult and confusing time of life.
Youngsters are in a “twilight zone” of sorts. They are not ready to survive on their own, yet they have developed a sense of independence and are restless for new adventures.
If their home life is an unhappy one (with perhaps harsh and insensitive parents who always nag their children about getting married), they may be tempted to quickly find a mate simply to “escape” the misery of their present circumstance. This is a serious mistake and it may be going from the proverbial frying pan into the fire. “Escape” is not a noble motive for forming the most intimate of human relationships. Not a few have entered marriage because it’s the trendy thing to do. All their friends have marital mates, why should they be left in the motion? Peer pressure is so great at certain times in life.
Far too many have impulsively “run off” to “get married” on a dare, or because others were doing it. Impulsive decisions can generate a life-time of bitter experiences. Marriage is not an arrangement with which one can take lightly.
Marriage should not be entered into just to cover a mistake in this age of lust and promiscuity, what should a couple do when they discover that a child has been conceived out of wedlock? Sometimes, a “we-must-get-married” is the quick-fix formula. In the event of such a mistake, I think a Christian couple, first of all should not be pressurised to get married but should repent with genuine sorrow and seek God’s pardon and make sure if they are to get married it is out of love and not convenience. It is very important for the couple to then devoutly consider their options.
Do they really love one another, and are they committed to serving God? If so, they well may wish to marry, and put their mistake behind them. On the other hand, if exalted qualities are not a part of the relationship, merely “getting married” is not a resolution to their problem, and it certainly will not enhance the happiness of their child. In some cases it would be far better for a young woman to wait, perhaps eventually finding a devout father for her child, than to wed her partner in fornication “for the sake of the baby”. Marriage on the basis of mere physical attraction is a foolish mistake. The grass withers and the flowers fade and so does physical beauty. Thousands of couples have watched the degeneration of their marriages because the relationships were grounded principally on external features.
Spiritual qualities and personality traits are the real “glue” that bonds couples in committed unions.
Beauty is only skin deep, and if some were “skinned” how hideous they would appear. Our youngsters should be taught the true values that undergird lasting marriages. Think back to the days leading up to your marriage. Were you young and carefree? Were you desperately seeking Mr/Ms Right? Were you independent, self-sufficient or still searching to define yourself? Looking back retrospectively as adults to uncover the reasons why our marriages failed is easy, because we can be objective as we reflect upon the reasons we chose the wrong partner.
It’s a bit more challenging, however, when you’re caught-up in the excitement of planning a wedding and building a future with Mr/Ms Right. Sometimes we choose our “Mr Right” without consulting with our inner self and this can only lead to disaster and heartache. So to all those that intend to get married before you get married, check your motives. Why do you want to get married? Is it for the right reasons?
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