The Sunday News
RECENTLY, I met a close friend of mine for our usual dinner routines and as is the way on these occasions, the talk swiftly turned to relationships telling, and the topic of marital life, sex or more accurately, the usual girlfriend talk was the order of the day.
A very old white man (I had to say white because you know most white people love to tell it as it is). After the usual compliments the man gave to two beautiful ladies out on their own decided to pour his heart out as we conversed. He was wondering why at our age we were not married, it does not bother me anymore as it is the order of the day.
Anyway after we quizzed him about being alone at dinner he openly shared his love life with us. He told us how he regretted marrying the woman he married. He goes out every night because they are not emotionally connected. So it turns out at a certain age sex loses its touch in a marriage and often becomes a dread to have sex and that is when reality kicks in.
Apparently this man’s wife is a wild one in bed and is always up for a new challenge and now they only share a house because they cannot take back the vows they made to each other. That is how far it goes.
So being the singletons we are, we were given a lengthy lecture on how we should choose wisely when we decide to tie the knot, so because of the lessons I scored I did not mind this man taking over our girl’s night out as he talked all night and leaving was just too hard.
So from all my talk with this man I thought I should educate all those that want or are already married about marriage and I am sure my two cents contribution will make a difference.
Marriage is a home, a refuge against the outside storms and like any house, it requires a strong, lasting foundation.
To build one, every couple needs to take certain steps or think carefully before saying “I do” to be precise.
You may not move through all the steps in order, and you may circle back to complete certain steps again (and again and again) but if you do make it through them all that is the dating the honeymoon stage the ups and the downs and still say you want to spend the rest of your life with this person then you have to be sure you are really ready and prepared for all that comes with commitment. I mean you will be well on your way towards creating a marriage that will be your shelter as long as you both live.
Think about the things that make your closest friendships irreplaceable, talk about the trust that comes with true intimacy, the willingness to be vulnerable, the confidence that the friendship can withstand some conflict.
Don’t all those sound like good things to have in your marriage, too and better than using sex as a tool in marriage?
Let’s face it, happy couples are each other’s haven because when you are true friends, you acknowledge and respect what the other person is. You don’t try to control or change them.
This creates a sense of safety and security when you are together you know you are valued for who you are and you see the value in your partner as well and love will surely cover a multitude of sin if you are into each other.
Then there is the way, when you have been with someone a while, that you become almost a mind reader. You have a shared history and inside jokes your partner knows what you will find funny, you forward him links to articles and you certainly know he will enjoy, and best of all, you two can make eye contact at a given moment and say volumes without opening your mouths and is there anything more pleasurable than sharing the newspaper with someone?
Sitting in companionable silence, absorbed in your respective reading, sipping coffee, occasionally reading something out loud, but mostly just lazing happily together, communing without needing to speak? My goodness it surely sounds like a haven.
The words “I do’’, means committing to a lifelong relationship that will be full of friendship, joy, and love that will carry them forward to their final days on this earth. Except of course, it does not work out that way for most people.
The majority of marriages fail, either ending in divorce and separation or devolving into bitterness and dysfunction. Of all the people who get married, only three in ten remain in healthy, happy marriages and not regretting their decision to tie the knot.
Love that lasts is the result of partners embedding themselves in each other’s brains in a positive way. Memory circuits and pleasure get all wound up together so that the other person becomes integral to the very structure of your brain, and you become part of the structure of theirs.
I know sex is vital in marriages but I also think we need to be real and marry the people who mean the world to us.
A friendship bond is more important than the bond that only lasts before one gets an orgasm. Till death do us apart means you are stuck with your choice for the rest of your life and so it’s better be worth it and be with the right person or the person you will never get tired of waking up to every morning.
After sex life then comes the real marriage so you do not want to be out every night having to dine yourself because you do not want to go back home to a yelling, bitter and ever complaining partner only good for sex, so make the right choice and marry wisely.
- Till next week let’s keep talking email [email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>.
