The Sunday News
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IF there is one thing people should aim for when seeking love, it’s finding a partner who accepts them just the way they are as settling for anything less will set one up for heartbreak. In life never waste your energy on trying to change your partner because the results will leave you depressed.
No matter how long you have been together, never try to change that person to be like you because you will never be successful. We have seen a number of people crying that someone wasted his/her time as they would have spent a number of years trying to “fix” him/her , but their efforts get to hit a brick hall.
Trying to change someone is deadly as instead of concentrating on the broader viewer of repairing the relationship, you waste time on fixing an individual which is definitely impossible.
Bear in mind that changing your partner is more like trying to change a cat into a dog! In other words, love just isn’t enough to change a person’s basic nature and upbringing. If you fall in love with someone, get to know her habits, weaknesses and strengths. The differences you have will probably strengthen your relationship as you embrace and learn how to deal with each other.
When you change your perspective, the way you look at things will change. This doesn’t mean you should tolerate any kind of abuse or disrespect. It means that your expectations impact the way you feel about your partner and his/her action. In general, you will be as happy or disappointed with your romantic relationship depending on how well your perceptions of what is happening match your expectations.
Focusing on changing someone allows wounds to fester. Challenge your beliefs and self-defeating thoughts about your partner’s behaviour when you find it to be negative. Trying to change your partner interferes with your ability to practice forgiveness. Forgiveness isn’t the same as condoning the hurt done to you but it will allow you to move on. Try to remember you are on the same team. Accept that people do the best they can and try to be more understanding. This doesn’t mean that you accept your partner’s hurtful actions. You simply come to a more realistic view and give them less power over you. If your relationship is basically healthy, develop a mindset of acceptance and forgiveness about daily disappointments. After all, none of us is perfect. Don’t let it impact you greatly and try to let go of small annoyances.
While self-sufficiency and autonomy can help you weather the storms of life, it can also rob you of true intimacy. For a relationship to be balanced, partners must be able to depend on one another and feel that they are needed and appreciated for the support they give. Trying to change your partner can prevent you from influencing each other and achieving true intimacy.
Fortunately, even if you’re in a relationship that’s heading in a bad direction, there are strategies that can set you and your partner on the right path again. Taking responsibility for your part in negative patterns of relating to your partner is the hallmark of a successful marriage.
Remember, compromise is an essential tool to preserving love that will last a lifetime. If you embrace the notion that conflict is an inevitable part of an intimate relationship and that not all problems have to be resolved, you’ll bounce back from disagreements faster and build a successful long-lasting relationship.
FEEDBACK
It is true that people live on comparison and I have proved that beyond doubt especially when your spouse divorced or the previous partner passed away. These so called partners will be comparing or expecting you to be exactly like their previous partners. If people could let go of what it was and accept what it is, surely these so called affairs and marriages will be enjoyable. Lastly, our expectations from each other should not be too high because these partners are not our brothers and sisters but daughters and sons of other women who were brought up in different ways, we are not the same.
Honestly, no one is perfect but for a relationship to be enjoyable and last, it must be built in mutual understanding, respect and love.
In life people go through a lot especially for single mothers who have never been in a marriage and those women who do not have children it becomes difficult to connect with a partner who lost his wife or divorced. It is not easy to find joy in such a relationship.
The beauty of the day is not because something favourably happened to you, but the beauty of it is when you wake up and know that there is life in you. So do not focus on your challenges, disappointments and what you lack in life, but give thanks to God for the gift of life.
I almost committed suicide in 2016, but was helped by a certain man who told my family to take me to hospital for rehab. I thank God for saving me because now I met a wonderful and loving man.
Marriages depend on two people, if you allow a third person, she/he will drive you apart. For example the mother-in-law and her daughters with failed marriages cannot make someone’s wedding successful. They always give advice in the extract of their own experiences, they still do not accept what made them fail, therefore if one relies on such advice, and it’s a disaster. Secondly, a mature husband must protect the person he loves. He must act as a “Stop Nonsense” durawall between his wife and relatives. He should never allow people to harass his wife or torture her. No one is perfect; we must work hard to accept each other as we know each other’s weaknesses. It’s the small things that matter, make your men world, its possibly, it’s healthy and successful.
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