Who should pay for dates?

PAYING for a date can be a headache, so this past week I was faced with a lot of questions to answer and debate on as people have various opinions about who has to pay for a date. It got me to realise that a lot of people have different opinions of who pays the bill. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been asking my friends (both men and women) who paid and who should pay for dates. Almost everyone said men in their experience paid for dates, although most of my female friends added that they reached for the purse and offered to chip in and take care of the bill.

The few people who did not say men should always pay said that whoever asked for the date paid or at least should pay for the date, which makes sense, how do you ask someone out on a date and expect them to pay when you hardly know their budget.

A couple of weeks ago I had a conversation with my Nigerian friend and we were talking about our “date” experiences, so she told me of one incident where she took her man out to eat and when the waiter brought the bill he placed it right in front of the man she was with and she reached out to get it because the lunch was on her.

She signed the bill and filed out the gratuity for the waiter and smiled as she handed the bill and payment to the waiter and when the waiter came back with change he gave it to her husband and thanked him.

So we discussed on how society also influences us to always think the man has to get the bill while women are expected to dine and smile. This topic always stirs up great conversation and surprising controversy! I have had interesting insights on who should pay the bill.

Although gender roles are shifting, many people still cling to tradition on the latter. In fact, more than three-quarters of respondents, both male and female, said men should pay for the first date. Still, some gray areas remain.

I think when it comes down to understanding the laws of paying and providing one chooses on what they want to subscribe to based on what suits them at that point. I think the masculine energy only has two gifts to offer to the feminine in that, it is his job to protect and provide.

In order for the female to relax in a relationship and let her guard down, she absolutely must feel “safe” and if she does not, it is game over.
If a man’s responsibility is to protect and provide, the gift of the woman is her ability to nurture and have her man’s back. Simply put, a man is looking for a woman who will gratefully receive his gifts and appreciate his generosity, so men be on guard to take care of the bills, do not wait for the woman to offer to pay the bill always.

The fact is, a man can be with anyone else at any given time and when he invests his time, talent and treasure with a woman, he simply wants it to be acknowledged. Those who seem less than grateful or have an attitude of entitlement should realise how distasteful that is and not be surprised when a good man finds it to be a deal-breaker.

Focusing too much on who pays could ruin an otherwise romantic moment, so don’t belabour the point. It’s not a social commentary on your place in life or the role you will be expected to play in the relationship, should there be a relationship.

Back in the day going on dates used to be simple, the guy paid for everything. This made sense at a time when most women did not work, or if they did, when they did not make nearly as much as men.

These days, things are more confusing, some women will be offended if you ever hesitate to take your wallet out when you are on date. Others will be uncomfortable if you spend a lot, a woman can worry that you think that she can be bought, or that spending money means you want to control her or you also think she cannot afford to take care of bills.

One email suggested that if a man always offers and spends too much they tend to feel that the man should then always take care of the bill as they have portrayed the “I got this attitude”, well I am sure most women can relate to this because if he is capable of always paying then he should always pay while I save up my money to get myself extras.

So to avoid such expectations I suggest in the initial stages of dating, try not to splash the cash too much as you will look too eager to impress and might give a false impression of your day-to-day lifestyle and what you can afford.

Remember that charm and charisma go a long way and are far more important than t your bank balance.
If you are in the early stages of your relationship try to avoid awkwardness, choose dates which do not cost too much until you have an idea of each other’s financial limitations so that you do not find yourself choked by settling bills that are higher than what you budgeted for.

To avoid fighting over paying the bill avoid talking too much about money in the initial dating stages. My advice is to be subtle about this topic so you do not come across as money obsessed as this can be a turn off for your partner.

Remember that most women will be looking for a genuine connection rather than at how much you earn. If money becomes a genuine problem on a date you should think about moving on to greener dating pastures.

Focusing too much on who pays could ruin an otherwise romantic moment, so do not sit on the edge of a seat and fail to enjoy your date, rather come prepared even if you did not initiate the date.

Although I am happy to pay for dates or even outings with friends, I think it feels good to be treated and taken out and I imagine the other person feels the same way too.
Now that roles can be reversed and bills can be taken care of by anyone the next time I am on a date I might even try opening the car door for my man.

Let’s keep talking. Next week we will talk about sex on the first date.

Email [email protected]