The Sunday News
Langelihle Dube-Noko
EMOTIONAL heartache, bullying, hopelessness and trauma, these are some of the effects faced by young people, who have been hit the hardest by escalating divorce rates in Zimbabwe.
Psychologists and educators said victims, who relied on parents for grooming, support and emotional relief, had been exposed to negative emotions of bitterness, stress, abandonment and loss of self-esteem.
“They are left to be prisoners of the past,” said Mlindeli Nyathi, a Bulawayo psychologist.
According to reports in the media, 1 102 couples applied for divorce in Bulawayo and Harare alone, just between January and July 2015. During the same period, 129 divorces were granted in Harare, while 44 were granted in Bulawayo.
According to some statistics, couples seeking divorce jumped from 96 to 157 per month between 2012 and 2015.
“Economic challenges are forcing spouses to separate because one leaves for the diaspora, where communication is limited, resulting in one forgetting the other spouse,” said Deborah Choga of Pundu and Company Legal Practitioners.
Child counsellors warned that the increased divorce rate had created a generation of children lacking parental supervision and support.
Gabriel Hategekimana, development worker and counsellor at Contact Family Counselling Centre, which counsels those traumatised by their parents’ divorce, said children at different stages subconsciously harmed their health in trying to relieve pain.
“They try to compensate their anger through alcohol abuse and smoking hazardous drugs at a tender age,” said Hategekimana.
He added: “Some become aggressive when they lack support because they blame everyone for their failure in life.”
According to psychologists and church pastors, children are psychologically troubled when growing up in dismantled families because their parents are alive but separated. They fail to imitate parents as their role models.
“They feel disturbed when verses from the Bible concerning marriage are shared within the congregation because they are no longer part of that family institution,” said Tichaona Zimbudzana, a Njube Methodist pastor.
Some victims said their futures were uncertain because they could not make serious commitments.
“Why should l settle down?” asked Thabo Ngwenyama, student at the Bulawayo Polytechic.
Ngwenyama, who has deferred his studies several times, added: “Why should l be in a serious relationship? Why should l get stuck to one person who is later going to dump me like garbage and leave me in misery, all in the name of marriage?”
A young woman who refused to be named said she had attempted suicide three times because of tension and hatred between her parents.
Teachers at primary and secondary schools said affected pupils usually failed to concentrate on their school work.
Some suffer from stigmatisation from friends in the community or at school, who keep reminding them that one of their parents left home.
“They bunk lessons and end up performing very badly at school, while some bully other pupils because they are driven by negative attitudes,” said a teacher from a local school.
The teacher added: “One of them went to the extent of stabbing another pupil during inter-school athletics house competitions at White City stadium last week.”
Academics and lecturers said the impact was also felt by university students. They said affected students sometimes failed to fully participate during lectures.
Sukoluhle Ncube, a student at Solusi University, revealed: “I used to feel stressed up each time l saw my parents fighting. l cannot finish my studies because of the divorce hangover, which still haunts me day and night.”
Academics said such problems had an impact on not just the affected students, but universities as a whole.
“The undergraduates fail to produce a new body of knowledge or skill which equips the university scientifically, in humanities or through offering solutions to problems,” said Mthokozisi Ndhlovu, a lecturer in Journalism and Media Studies at the National University of Science and Technology (Nust).
He added: “Our economy is affected when students do not perform well because the knowledge they acquire should contribute to economic sustainability.”
Bulawayo residents who have witnessed the effects of divorce on children said young people tended to suffer financially and physically when spouses left homes.
“If the father or mother was the breadwinner, the remaining spouse might fail to offer food to the children,” said Meltah Ncube, a resident of Cowdray Park.
Another resident, Beven Phiri, said: “They fail to function because they feel alienated and low-esteemed after their parents part ways.”
However, some victims of divorce consider it a relief when their parents separate. They said they were no longer exposed to the negatives of what their parents used to orchestrate when they were still together.
“My parents always used to fight and hurl insults at each other in front of us,” said a Nust student, who preferred to remain anonymous. “It was a traumatic time, but ever since they have divorced, I am relieved. I am able to concentrate on my school work now because that hostile and aggressive atmosphere has disappeared.”
Hategekimina stressed: “Divorce is sometimes good for children because they escape from a dysfunctional and conflictual relationship. Once the divorce is open, they don’t have to read the signs, which affected them emotionally and physically.”
