The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
WE are on a break! You find some couples claiming to be taking breaks whenever they are faced with challenges and get to wonder whether it is really necessary to have breaks in a serious relationship. It becomes complicated because all we know is that during a normal break time, one can engage in extracurricular activities and this means that breaks are dangerous and can break you up.
Of course many people will tell you that a break is not a break-up, but things which happen during that time are the ones which lead to heartbreaks.
People sometimes take breaks in relationships because they will be having serious problems which in most cases leave the other party not sure whether to continue with the relationship or not. While they are in that confusion bay, it is at that time they decide to take a break.
It is very easy to say you are on a break, but how long is a break and what are the rules?
Many people never give much thought to these two issues and if not treated very carefully, it is when the break turns into a break-up resulting in a heartbreak because you will find that even that person who called for a break in the relationship didn’t know exactly what she/he wanted. For example if one finds that her partner is cheating on her and later finds it hard to forgive calling for a break. During the so-called break, little do they know that they will be giving their partner and his newly found love more time. By the time they decide to call off the break, the two will be at point of no return, having created a bond. This is when we realise how dangerous breaks can turn out to be in relationships.
I believe if you really love someone, no matter how confused you can be, calling for a break should be the last thing on your mind. Of course for some it has worked well and the secret to it being successful is setting rules. Since a break is not a break-up, it’s not a phase that changes the fundamental rules of the relationship!
During a break none of the rules of the relationship change, except that you don’t see the other person for the agreed-upon amount of time. Each person gets their time to think about whether the relationship should continue — but they do not go out to test the waters and see whether there are better fish in the sea.
Taking a break typically has a pre-discussed start and end time to allow for some space and reflection with the end goal being to come back together. At that time, there will be an honest conversation about if both people want to continue the partnership and what active steps they are willing to take to ensure whatever led them to seek time apart is resolved.
Often, taking a break is the coward’s way to back out of the relationship — taking a break doesn’t heal or fix. It freezes the problem where it is, and nothing is changed. It is very important to understand that there is a very real possibility that taking a break could ultimately lead to a break-up!
When you have a problem with someone, it is always ideal to try and solve issues while on the other hand giving yourself time to heal. Stopping communication with your partner and avoiding him will not help and taking a break will not solve anything. Some people who have gone that route will tell you that they took a break and after some time, when they reunited, love had died its natural death and it proved that taking a break is not a solution.
The most important thing is to be honest with yourself. If your partner isn’t meeting your needs but you still love them and want to be with them, you have to be together while you work things out; do not run to the mountains. Just know that taking a break is a way of providing yourself with a comfy pre-singledom cushion!
FEEDBACK
Thank you for last week’s article on age and relationships. My comment is that with most men, there is always inferiority complex when the lady is older and I have seen a lot of such relationships collapsing after some time though at first the two would be compatible.
I like your article and I am one person who got married to a man six years my junior. Our families were against our marriage and to make things worse I had two kids and he didn’t have. My mother-in-law never attended our wedding, but our love conquered all. A relationship is about two people, not opinions of other people. I totally agree with you that age is nothing but a number. We are happily married and we have proved people wrong.
Love has no age limit, I married someone four years older than me and our relationship is working well, we are now on 10 years together and still counting. What matters most in an affair is love, trust, respect, understanding and getting satisfied with whom you are with in life. Continue telling life’s facts as they are.
Age is indeed not a guarantee in a relationship, I loved your article.
What you said is not true because if a 32-year-old man marries someone who is aged more than 60, its taboo. Yes, they are doing it but culturally it is wrong because someone older than you is more like your mother, father or uncle. The right way to go about it is making sure that a man is always older than a woman he marries, but their age difference should not exceed eight years. Only such relationships last forever.
Share your comments, WhatsApp 0712978471.
