The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
MY husband and I have been together for eight years and I’m no longer in love with him. It’s been really hard to admit that to myself, as he is a good guy and a great husband and a good father. — Stressed.
Reply
Your feelings have changed and that doesn’t make you a bad person. But, of course, it’s sad and difficult when a close relationship ends, even if you know you are doing the right thing. Sometimes it can be useful to create a bit of space between you in order to get some perspective.
If one of you can move out for a time, it will give you the opportunity to see what a permanent separation would feel like. It will be a good idea to confide in close friends and your parents, but the decision to end your marriage has to be yours, so try not to be swayed by them.
They don’t have to live with your husband or wake up every morning feeling unhappy. Before you throw in the towel, you could try work it out.
But if it really is the end of the line for you, then it’s better to do something about it now than let things carry on, so your resentment grows or you end up having an affair. The bottom line is, you can’t commit to someone simply to avoid hurting their feelings or to please other people.
Hi Sis Noe
I think my marriage is about to end. I have been with my husband for nearly 10 years and we have two kids. I don’t think he cares anymore and he certainly thinks his needs are more important than mine. He no longer pays attention to me. I have spoken to him about this so many times, but nothing changes. — Worried.
Reply
I wonder if you have both retreated to your separate corners leaving lots of room for resentment to grow. It’s clear he is not taking your feelings seriously even if he tries for a few days he obviously reverts to old habits.
Somehow, you have to break that communication barrier and really talk about what you feel is wrong with your marriage. You should try marriage counselling. If it does not work then you can make the decision that makes you happy.
Hi Sis Noe
My husband left me for another woman. I can’t contemplate a new relationship. I have had some casual dates and even sex, but it all meant nothing to me. I feel my trust has been damaged forever. If my own husband couldn’t stay with me, then who will?
Reply
A better man will stay with you. Reading your letter, the first thing that occurred to me was how balanced and clear-headed you are. Despite the pain you have endured, there is no indication of resentment that is all too often the staple of such a separation. It’s hard to go through the seismically elevated emotions of separation, but it sounds as though you are a prime example of magnanimity. Occupying the high ground may not reap immediate rewards, but sleeping soundly at night, knowing your behaviour has been exemplary and your conscience is clear, should be the pleasurable position you find yourself in.
