The Sunday News
Hi Sis Noe
I was a virgin but I did not bleed when I had sex with my husband. — Help.
Reply
Not all women bleed when they have sex for the first time. Vaginal bleeding from first time intercourse typically occurs when a woman’s hymen tears.
The hymen is a thin layer of tissue that covers part of a woman’s vaginal entrance. Although the tissue itself is thin, it is filled with blood vessels — that is why tearing the hymen can lead to bleeding. Among women who notice bleeding when they first have sex, some notice only a small amount of bleeding and others notice a significant amount.
However, some girls are not born with much hymen tissue at all and so when they are older and have vaginal intercourse for the first time, they don’t notice much bleeding, if they notice any at all.
Other times girls are born with a typical amount of hymen but the hymen tears during childhood or adolescence without them even realising it.
A young woman may tear her hymen while washing her vagina by inserting her finger or fingers or another object. Also, a young woman may tear her hymen while being fingered by her partner as part of sex play.
Even tampon use may help to wear away parts of the hymen over time.
Sports that require a lot of leg work, running, riding a bicycle can cause the hymen to tear. In other words, there are several reasons why you did not bleed during your first sexual intercourse but that doesn’t mean that you were not a virgin. I hope this is helpful.
Hi Sis Noe
My boyfriend and I were going to have sex for the first time the other day. It was my first time but he has done it before. I was not nervous or anything but he couldn’t get in at all. Why did this happen? — Worried.
Reply
You need to be relaxed and before your boyfriend tries to enter you, it is good to start by having foreplay, like touching, kissing, masturbating each other or having oral sex.
All of these things help you to feel excited. Some positions might be easier than others too if you experiment with different positions, don’t keep trying one if it’s a painful one.
It is also possible that your hymen has not stretched yet and this is why you have not been able to have sex.
It may also be because of tight vaginal muscles in response to sex. This is called vaginismus: an involuntary spasm of vaginal muscles.
It sometimes happens when a person is feeling worried about having sex, is not really sure if it’s the right thing to do, or is worried about the risk of pregnancy.
If you can’t insert a finger or tampon in your vagina it would be a good idea to see a doctor and have an examination and find out if there is any hymen there or if there is another cause, such as vaginismus.
The best place to try would be a family planning or sexual health clinic, but any doctor you feel comfortable would be fine. If you are thinking about having sex, you also need to think about protecting yourself from STIs and unwanted pregnancy.
