The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
HAPPY Mother’s Day to all the women and single fathers who are raising their children with love and care!
It is unfortunate that even as the world celebrates Mother’s Day, some women find no joy in it because they have suffered in the name of being ‘‘good’’ mothers. They are in abusive relationships, but cannot move for the sake of their children, with some even believing that love has to torment your soul.
There is no such thing, love is not supposed to be torture. It is unfortunate that your partner’s behaviour can seem innocent, but in actual fact taking away your happiness. Like some nightmarish scene from a horror movie, life can become a series of confused extremes when you find yourself constantly walking on eggshells as your controlling, possessive and jealous partner takes away your happiness and peace in life.
If you try to leave, he promises to change, but it never lasts. He’s only behaved just long enough to suck you back into the relationship and perhaps gaslight you to convince you that you are the one who’s crazy or wrong as he does all that out of love.
It is not love as love tortures not!
Your relationship should erase your tears, not your smile. If you are in a relationship and having tears as your daily meal, then something is terribly wrong. True love doesn’t hurt; it heals and brings happiness to your life. It empowers you to become the best version of yourself and best mother in the world.
There are some women who have allowed their problems to even get to the children as they stop doing their duties well and have become unpopular to the children. Some even take out their frustrations on children which is really a bad thing.
Whatever one is going through, children should be your pillar of strength as they give you every reason of living.
If you are being abused, leaving is one of the hardest things you will ever do. No matter how much you know about how to leave an abusive relationship, leaving a man who abuses, criticises, or hurts you is never easy. Sometimes you have to let go.
Because you will find that when you are free, your true creativity, your true self comes out and you will have every reason to celebrate Mother’s Day without any reservations.
Stop waiting for your partner to change. This is the biggest mistake a person can make when deciding to stay in a relationship in which you’re being mistreated. You have to accept that the only person you control in this world is yourself. Unless the other person owns up to their mistakes and shows the desire to get help, they probably won’t change. They may promise to change and turn things around for the better. They may even be genuine about their intentions at that moment.
But more than likely, things will stay the same, especially if they made promises in the past that they didn’t fulfil. Change has to come from within; it can’t be forced. Only then do things have a chance of working themselves out.
Sometimes your judgment can be clouded because you simply want to see the best in someone and are afraid of being alone which keeps you blind while suffering. Truth be told, regardless of what you tell yourself, some relationships are just irreparable.
The worst part about heartbreak is that you lose yourself trying to hold on to that person who doesn’t care at all. If it is hurtful and torturing your soul, never mistake it for love. If you are in a relationship and your significant other constantly judges you, brings out your imperfections, makes you feel like you are a burden and doesn’t appreciate you and the efforts you make, it is better to get out of the relationship as such things will definitely break your heart.
Some people try to justify their partner’s bad habits in the name of love, but even if they do so they find themselves being emotionally tortured, leaving them even more hurt. It is ideal to become realistic and as soon as you see that you are not getting the love, attention or respect accept that it is dead love and walk away. Never stress over someone who does not value your worth!
Always remember that when love is real, it doesn’t lie, cheat, pretend, hurt you or make you feel unwanted. It’s supposed to be a cure to all your worries and real love never gets to torment your soul, forcing you to justify your stay in a relationship.
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