The Sunday News
Nhlalwenhle Ncube
LOVE is strange and no one can ever give it definition because two loves are ever different!
For some it’s bitter and deadly while for others it’s beautiful and exciting.
As much as I cannot explain love, there is one common denominator that I have noticed and it is that love dies.
Even the couples who could not stay away from each other in the past, at times they suddenly can’t stand each other. What happened? Love dies.
It is usually said that fights are often great ways to connect as through them partners get to know what is needed by the other half. But far too often, fights turn ugly and negative emotions explode.
At the end no one wants to fix anything and they begin to believe that the other party has changed and cannot be trusted.
All this shows that even genuine love can flourish or die, depending on how you treat each other and build mutual trust.
Arguments that contain critical attacks, emotional ignoring and flat-out contempt lead to the accumulation of greater and greater amounts of isolation and distance killing love at the end.
It is painful truth that love dies!
I get so fascinated when I listen to stories of couples who have made their love last. It is one thing which needs lot of teamwork, sacrifices and hardwork.
Of late, I have realised that in this generation nothing really lasts.
Everyone is so used to living a fast-paced lifestyle, even love becomes cheapened in the process.
Many people have found love, lost it and found it again.
Time and time again, they found themselves picking up the fragments of the shattered heart.
I have heard stories of people breaking up and falling out of love.
With such events, it has become clear that nothing lasts forever, it means love can’t last forever too.
At times one has to be honest to herself and here are some of the things which contribute to love not lasting forever.
Some people when they are in love, they are not honest to themselves and tend to have unrealistic expectations.
Of course, there is no harm in putting your partner on a pedestal, but there is a fine line between idealism and being blind to reality.
Some people forget that their partners are only human, prone to weaknesses, biases and faults. Unrealistic expectations can kill relationships.
Unfulfilled expectations lead to feelings of inadequacy and betrayal, which ultimately cause a relationship to fail.
Love isn’t all about romantic gestures and flowers.
Couples at times must stop being drama queens and kings and see that love is also about hard work, overcoming trials together and growing together.
When a couple is blinded by artificial life, the day reality strikes, their love might die.
At times when there are pending issues which were not really solved, it kills love. Love dies because of old wounds and lies.
It could stem from the hurt of betrayal or disappointment or resentment.
Some old wounds can lead to grudges and pent-up anger.
When these old issues remain unresolved, they fester and feed on whatever good things are left in the relationship.
It makes the couple realise that their pain, anger or resentment is stronger than their love for each other.
Years tend to change people, no matter how subtle the changes may be. Couples in healthy relationships grow into better versions of themselves together. They find ways to enrich their relationship, allowing it to mature with time.
However, there are some couples who try so hard to hold on to their honeymoon period that the relationship never progresses.
Once the honeymoon stage is over, they realise that things aren’t the way that they used to be.
In the case of infatuation, the connection is only as fleeting as the initial thrill of attraction.
There are also some couples who bring each other down as a way to keep each other on the same level. These actions only serve to stunt the growth of the relationship. Sometimes, love dies because of lack of growth.
One of the foundations of a good relationship is trust. When you find yourself constantly wondering where your partner is or constantly doubting your partner, you know that there is something wrong with your relationship.
Trust is what holds the relationship together. Trust is what gives one peace of mind in a relationship.
Very often, many have found that they have invested too much trust in a relationship, all for it to go to waste. Lack of trust kills love.
Betrayal kills love. No matter how much you love someone, if he keeps cheating on you with different people that you are even better than in many ramifications, your feelings for him start to die.
When you have been cheated on, you can never trust your partner completely again. It is because of constant betrayal that love dies a slow and painful death.
If only people could accept the fact that love dies as much as they do when their loved ones pass away.
Only a few will live with heartbreak skeletons and be able to move on after nursing the wounds.
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