The Sunday News
BECAUSE I am a woman I feel and understand a woman’s pain. The feedback I received from last week was a bit intriguing, it was different from the routine one. This week a certain widow sent a message that led to a series of events.
The death of a spouse is a disturbing event. To make the pain and anxiety worse, survivors find themselves struggling to go through with financial and legal questions at a time when many people understandably are not thinking clearly. A certain woman took me through her life journey and openly told me of her encounters as a widow from the very first day to how she was in and out of court, how she had to move from a then “posh” suburb to one room lodgings in the western suburbs where there is no electricity and water. It is disturbing to note that in the modern society some people are still self absorbed, they would rip a widow apart and take possession of everything she ever owned and worked for. This woman was robbed of her loved one and her in-laws took everything because they believed their “son” was the breadwinner.
This woman was only traditionally married and this made things even worse and right now she resides at certain lodgings in the western suburbs where she lives in a room which has been turned into a lounge, bedroom, kitchen and entertainment room all in one. For a while during our hearty talk I wore her shoes and walked the journey and I must say she is a strong woman. She is unemployed and has no source of income but is expected to clothe, feed and school her three children. She has since stopped going to church because she claims she cannot fit in.
It’s clear that widows are most affected in situations where there’s a clash of poverty, remoteness, culture and tradition being misinterpreted. That results in discrimination against women. Widows are invisible people for many women, the loss of a husband is only the starting point, the first of many traumas. Widows are sometimes the poorest of the poor, shunned by society when their husbands die, not for religious reasons, but because of tradition and because they are seen as a financial drain by their families. And I have seen first hand the devastating effects of discrimination against widows, of life-threatening and traumatic mourning and burial rites. I have seen how widows are forced into poverty, evicted from their homes, denied their rights, and often rendered invisible and voiceless. The death of a spouse has far-reaching effects on the survivor. The surviving spouse must cope not only with emotional loss, but also with a sea of changes in daily routines and future plans.
As a society, we can’t move forward if widows don’t have the same rights as everyone else. We must ensure that widows of all ages and their children are treated as equal human beings. We know that widows are more than victims, they are contributors to family, society, and economy. Yes, because true democracy and women’s rights are interlinked. Women’s empowerment and the protection of women’s rights are our greatest weapon to prevent discrimination and violence.
When women who are widowed and girls have the full protection of the law, they can claim their rights to land and property. When they have equal status in their families and their husbands’ families and society, they’re treated as equal human beings, not as objects of mockery, shame, suspicion or pity.
I took time to look around me and understand how widows are living among us and the features shared by all widows are that they are women who have been married and whose husbands have died and thereafter their lives changed for the worst as most dreams were broken and some were left with nothing to start the journey of a widowed life. There is no way of predicting the lifestyle, support systems, and identity of any one woman. Many factors affect the aspects of widowhood, such as the characteristics of the society and community in which she lives, the personal resources with which she and her husband built their lives, the circumstances of his death, and the personal resources with which she modifies, removes, or adds social roles and social relations to her lifestyle and support systems.
In my church we are on a mission of winning souls and my prayer is that I win this woman because widows are a great part of the church. Well, my understanding of the bible is that from the time of Israel’s inception, God has been known as the defender and protector of widows (Deuteronomy 10:18; 24:17). “Justice” among God’s people was measured in part by the treatment of widows (Isaiah 1:17). God’s compassion for the widow became the community’s responsibility, which the early church naturally took up as seen in Acts 6:1. Therefore my cry is for society and the church to help the widows and for us to do right for them. I think only widows really know what other widows go through but anyone else can learn a bit about what they go through. Take some time and try to understand them. You cannot begin to understand her without first understanding how different her life is now that she is a widow.
Feedback from last week:
Nomatter how educated or schooled we are, the moment you start justifying yourself and blaming others I tend not to take you seriously. It is a strong point that women should be respected but single out the problem and deal with it firmly without attacking others. Why on earth would you want to blame men for everything? Women should be respected, but at times you take it to the extremes. First women should respect their bodies and make it a point not to expose it to every onlooker. I love women who dress well without provoking men. As humans ask yourself about the motive behind your dressing, do not always blame men for your own mess. Men, our women need to be respected and not abused. I rest my case. 0773 210 607 (This is open to discussion for the next edition lets keep talking on 0773 089 395).
