The Sunday News
Thandekile Moyo
GENESIS 1: 27 — “God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them.”
Man, according to the Bible, was created in the image of God. The Bible is founded on the principle and instruction of love. Because man is an image of God, how he loves mirrors or should mirror how God loves. The fact that God made man in His own image means that He loved Himself so much that
He thought it was a grand idea to have billions of replicas of Himself running around. This same vanity is displayed by man in their desire to produce offspring that look like them.
We look for ourselves in our children, and we flatter people by telling them their children look exactly like them. How many times have you told someone that their child’s nose is exactly like theirs when in actual fact they are as different as night and day?
I am sure if we had the choice to mould our children, most of us would mould them in our very own images.
Genesis 22: 2, 12 — “. . . and He said, take now thy son, thine only son Isaac, whom thou lovest, and get thee into the land of Moriah; and offer him there for a burnt offering upon one of the mountains which I will tell thee of.” Verse 12. “And He said, lay not thine hand upon the lad, neither do thou anything unto him: for now I know that thou fearest God, seeing thou hast not withheld thy son, thine only son from me.”
Love can be testing. This is evidenced by God’s practical joke on Abraham, His most loved, whom He instructed to sacrifice his son. After letting him go through all the emotions of having to come to terms with murdering his son; imagine how he must have felt having to trick Isaac into going up the mountain with him.
Imagine how little Isaac must have struggled as his father held him down and bound him to the firewood; I wonder how Abraham himself felt. Was he crying? Was he at peace? Was he afraid of what he was going to tell Sarah when he eventually went back home? Imagine that final moment when he raised the knife into the air, ready to plunge it straight through his son’s heart. And then God screamed “stop! I’m just kidding. I wanted to see how much you love me!”
Genesis 29: 18 — “Now Jacob loved Rachel, so he said, “I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.”
The story of Jacob teaches Christians that true love does not come cheap. It is earned. For 14 years he served his father-in-law simply because he loved Rachel and was willing to work hard for that love.
John 3:16 — “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.”
To show love, one must perform grand acts of sacrifice. We first saw it in the story of Abraham and then God confirmed it when He sacrificed His only son so man could be free from their own sins.
Seeing as not everyone is a Christian, not all our views, attitudes and expectations of love come from the Bible. Culture, television, novels and history books are some of the things that guide us on what true love is. Movies, songs, paintings and other forms of art give us ideas of love so perfect that it conquers all. Of love so grand that it awes us all.
Shakespeare, in his story of Romeo and Juliet, planted a seed in the minds of many that it is somehow romantic to die for love. Every day we hear people declaring that they will die for each other. Some take it further and go on to kill for love. How many times has the one you love told you they cannot live without you, or that they would rather die than be apart from you or that if they cannot have you, nobody else can.
Botswana’s Sir Seretse Khama fell in love with a white woman and spent years fighting for that love to be accepted by others. He went against his people, the British government and his in-laws; risking his throne all in the name of love. I am sure there are some people who have heard his story and now believe love takes risks. You should be willing to lose everything for the one you love. Nothing can stand in the way of true love!
Tshaka, the Zulu warrior, is rumoured to have buried alive 10 virgins with his dead mother. He loved his mother so much that he wanted to make sure she had people to serve her even in the afterlife. I am not sure what to say about this type of love. Irrational? Crazy? Well, whatever its class, there are people out there who subscribe to this idea of love, where you make others suffer for the sake of the one you love.
Greek mythology has “Helen of Troy”, the most beautiful woman ever, she with the face that launched a thousand ships to go to battle. The story says “she had many suitors in her youth but ultimately married Menelaus. The pair ruled Sparta until Helen left with Paris, a prince of Troy. Menelaus’ quest to return his queen to Sparta led to the Trojan War.” Nations went to war simply because two men were in love!
These fictional grand demonstrations of love have made it impossible for us to be satisfied with “mediocre” love. We spend our lives chasing this idea of “true love” to the point of not appreciating “real love”. Friends will tell us their husbands call them every 30 minutes and leave us feeling unloved by that man who phones you only when there is an emergency. That couple you knew in university will leave you feeling sad after they post beautiful pictures of their honeymoon in Dubai; because your backward husband said a honeymoon was a waste of money. Your best friend’s boyfriend gives her a monthly allowance and automatically your boyfriend becomes in your eyes, the stingiest person on earth.
We are competitive even where it is not necessary. We compare ourselves, our partners and our lifestyles with others, unnecessarily putting pressure and strain on our relationships. We have individual lives to live. If you sit down and ask yourself where most of your dissatisfaction comes from, you will realise it is from you feeling other people’s situations are better than yours. We focus too much attention on others and none on ourselves to the point of not having our own measures of happiness; of being unable to identify that which makes us happy.
Quiet love is rarely appreciated. Why do you want her to put you on her profile picture? Why did you want him to accompany you to the church function? We are constantly putting on a show. Always in character, on “look at us” mode to the point of sacrificing your partner’s happiness so people can look at you and marvel.
In a world where we need to live together despite our different influences, beliefs and experiences we have to understand that there are many languages of love. Because of this, many people spend their lives feeling unloved simply because they do not realise that just because love is not delivered and expressed in the way we expect, does not mean it is not there. Try learning your partner’s language of love.
Gary Chapman’s book, “The five love languages . . .” says there are five love languages. These are gift giving, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch. We need to understand our partners so that you do not shower with gifts a person who would rather have you do their laundry because they believe acts of service are the way to show love. It would be counterproductive to keep writing poems to someone whose language of love is physical touch and would prefer hugs to your words. For some people it is enough to just spend time with them.
The next time you feel dissatisfied with your relationship ask yourself what is my partner’s love language? What is mine?
